Society – and couples – are facing situations they have never faced before, and are being forced to adjust to those situations very quickly. One example of this is how to appropriately use technology while in a relationship. This is something that couples have essentially only faced in the past 20 years, especially with regards to smartphones.
We’re also now trying our best to figure out how to talk about these issues with each other and in therapy. An example of this is what we’re going to call “digital betrayal” – when you betray the trust of your partner by engaging in some behavior with technology that your partner feels you should not do.
Examples of Digital Betrayal
Digital betrayal is when you betray a partner through a phone, tablet, or other form of online technology, but did not necessarily betray them in person. It’s not infidelity in the typical sense, where someone engages in physical sexual behavior with another partner. Rather, it’s a form of trust betrayal that occurs solely online, and almost always without the other partner knowing. Examples may include:
Chatting or messaging an ex lover, celebrity, or member of the opposite sex in secret.
Watching pornography at inappropriate times or storing photos/video on their phone.
Sending or receiving sexual imagery from someone other than a spouse.
Not all “digital betrayal” is going to be sexual or romantic in nature, either. Betrayal can come in many forms, such as being on a person’s phone instead of getting an important task done, staying up playing games when you should be sleeping, or saying very overly negative things about a partner in a situation where sharing that information is not appropriate.
Another potentially common form of digital betrayal may also be looking at someone’s phone and private messages without consent. Our phones can have private conversations, and individual partners are allowed to have these conversations without the other partner reading them in secret.
No matter the type of “betrayal,” the commonality among all of them is that it breaks trust in the relationship and causes pain that both partners need to address.
Working Through Digital Betrayal in Couples Counseling
This issue between couples is new and complex. In some cases, there is a very clear betrayal of trust that both partners can acknowledge. In other cases, there may be layers – for example, someone may not understand why what they did was wrong, or may feel defensive about their technology usage. There are also issues with phone addiction and connection that may arise.
“Online infidelity,” and other similar betrayals of trust, are typically all factors that chip away at a relationship. In fact, even minor issues can become very serious problems in a relationship. If one partner does not trust another, they can sometimes rebuild that trust through spending time together and sharing conversations and experiences.
But digital trust is something that occurs almost entirely on a phone, and the thing is, most of us are going to still be on our phones. Being on the phone is also a solo activity, which means that a partner is going to be on their phone, semi-in secret, by themselves. This may lead to more distrust, among other relationship issues between partners.
It can be very difficult to break patterns on your own. Couples therapy offers a path to healing by addressing these issues directly and working to rebuild the trust that has been lost.
Couples therapy provides a safe space for partners to confront the betrayal, express their feelings, and begin the process of rebuilding trust. The therapy is structured to help both partners understand the underlying issues that may have contributed to the betrayal and to develop strategies for moving forward together.
Open Communication – A key element of the therapy process is fostering open and honest communication. This allows both partners to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, creating a foundation for understanding and reconciliation. In this case, we would discuss fears, behaviors that have affected trust, and more.
Identifying Boundaries – Couples therapy also focuses on helping partners establish and agree upon clear boundaries in the digital realm. This might include setting rules for online interactions, discussing what is considered appropriate behavior, and agreeing on how to handle potential future challenges.
Rebuilding Trust – Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and rebuilding it after a digital betrayal can be a complex process. Therapists work with couples to gradually restore trust by encouraging transparency, consistency in actions, and emotional support. This process takes time, but with commitment and effort from both partners, it is possible to rebuild a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Recovering from digital betrayal is not easy, but couples therapy offers a structured approach to healing. By addressing the issues head-on and working together, couples can begin to rebuild the trust that has been lost. The therapy helps partners develop the tools they need to navigate the complexities of the digital world while maintaining a healthy, trusting relationship.
Get Started Today with Flourish Psychology
Flourish Psychology has an incredibly talented team of therapists that can provide couples counseling and related services to help you with these complex problems. We can also provide individual therapy, for those that are trying to gain a better understanding of themselves and take more control over their own behaviors.
At Flourish Psychology, we believe in helping both partners learn to better understand each other, and eventually themselves, and take a scientific approach to these types of relationship problems in order for both of you to move forward. For more information about our couples counseling services in NYC, please contact Flousih Psychology, today.
It is difficult to live through trauma, and the way we experience trauma – based on our age, personality, the type of trauma we experienced, and more – means that different people may benefit from different treatment approaches as we try to help them overcome it and move forward.
We offer many strategies for addressing trauma here at Flourish Psychology, including EMDR and CBT. We are also able to use an approach known as “trauma systems therapy,” which is not right for all patients but can be very useful when appropriate.
What is Trauma Systems Therapy?
Trauma Systems Therapy (TST) is a comprehensive psychotherapy approach designed to support children and adolescents who have experienced trauma. This method recognizes that traumatic experiences can have a significant impact not just on an individual’s emotional state but also on their behavior and relationships.
TST takes into account both the personal experiences of the individual and the environment in which they live, including their family, school, and broader community, all with the goal of helping these younger people better address and overcome trauma-related issues.
The Core Components of Trauma Systems Therapy
TST is built around several key components, each of which plays a role in helping individuals recover from trauma. These components are designed to work together to address both the internal and external factors that can influence a person’s ability to cope with and heal from trauma. It believes in:
Creating a Sense of Safety – The first step in TST is ensuring that the individual feels safe. This involves both physical safety and emotional security, helping the person to feel protected and supported in their environment.
Emotion Regulation – TST teaches individuals how to manage and regulate their emotions. This is particularly important for those who have experienced trauma, as they may struggle with intense emotions that can be difficult to control.
Supportive Environment – A critical aspect of TST is working with the individual’s environment, including their family and community, to create a supportive and nurturing space. This might involve educating family members, training school staff, or connecting with community resources to ensure that the individual has a strong support system.
It can differ from other forms of therapy in that it is very community based, looking at overcoming trauma as something that is fostered around the person in addition to supporting them through therapy.
Why Trauma Systems Therapy Matters
Trauma can have long-lasting effects on a person’s life, particularly if it occurs during childhood or adolescence. TST is important because it recognizes that recovery is not just about addressing the trauma itself but also about ensuring that the individual’s environment supports their healing. By taking this comprehensive approach, TST helps individuals build resilience, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and ultimately move forward in their lives with a stronger sense of well-being.
Therapist for Trauma in NYC with Flourish Psychology
Trauma Systems Therapy is not right for all patients. Part of the process of therapy is discovering what approaches might work best for you or your loved ones, no matter what those needs may be.
Still, in situations when it is appropriate, Trauma Systems Therapy is a powerful tool for helping individuals recover from trauma by focusing on both the person and the systems around them. It provides a structured, supportive approach that addresses the complex nature of trauma and its effects, offering a pathway to healing and growth.
For more information about our trauma therapy services, or to schedule an appointment for yourself or someone close to you, please contact Flourish Psychology, today.
There are many psychological struggles that can come up in a person’s life. Some people struggle with depression. Others struggle with ADHD. Others struggle with issues related to trauma. These issues can be so overwhelming that they become unmanageable.
Anxiety can be a little different. Severe anxiety and panic attacks can certainly be unmanageable as well. Many people struggle with anxiety that can be debilitating and dramatically impact a person’s life. But there are others that have a more generalized anxiety that is upsetting, disruptive, and uncomfortable, but on a day to day basis they can manage it.
But should you?
Benefits of Treating Anxiety
Many people live with anxiety without seeing a therapist because they can “manage it.” Despite feeling symptomatic of anxiety on the day to day, they are still able to do their jobs, spend time with their family, laugh, engage in a social life of some kind, and otherwise live what they view as a “normal” life.
Still, what you’re struggling with is not “normal.” You are living with and managing anxiety. It is affecting how you feel, your health, your ability to cope with things, and much more.
You deserve to live your *best* possible life – not just one that feels normal to you. Anxiety of all kinds can affect that. Treating that anxiety can help you:
Feel Healthier – Anxiety causes issues like upset stomach, headaches, even random aches like eye pain. If you have anxiety, chances are you do not feel your best, and that’s something that you can improve by learning to control and reduce anxiety through therapy.
Stress Management – Sometimes, we do not realize how our emotions are affected by our mental health. If you have anxiety, your mind and body are under constant stress. If you’re ever feel easily upset, overwhelmed, irritable, angry, or other negative emotions, it may be because you are already under constant stress from anxiety.
Memory and Happiness – Anxiety, quite literally, has an effect on our memory. We are less likely to remember the enjoyable activities we completed and less likely to form memories. When treat anxiety, we can feel happier, experience happiness for longer, and remember more happy memories in the future.
Better Sleep – When we have less anxiety, we tend to fall asleep more easily and stay asleep longer. This is important not only for our physical health, but our mental health as well, as it reduces anxiety symptoms and makes it easier to cope with stress.
Prevention of Worsening Anxiety – It’s a good thing that your anxiety is manageable now. But psychological health is not static. It can change depending on experiences, health, and things like sleep. Learning to cope with your “manageable” anxiety can make it less likely your anxiety will get worse in the future.
Above all, even if you *can* live with your anxiety, you should not have to. Anxiety does not have to be something you live with. There are many mental health strategies that we can implement together to help improve the quality of your life and your overall psychological health.
Start Today – Learn More About Managing Anxiety
Anxiety is not destiny. There are many effective mental health tools that we have available to address and reduce anxiety. If you feel like you’re struggling with anxiety symptoms and want to learn more about how we can provide you with effective treatments, please reach out to Flourish Psychology, today.
We are inches away from back to school season, and if you’re a parent, you know what that means:
**screaming internally**
Back to school season can be nice for parents that need to focus on work or have an easier time managing their day to day lives. But it also means late nights doing homework, lots and lots of errands, kids that are likely going to be going through their own challenges, and so much more.
It is, for many of us, a stressful time. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be.
Back to school season is also a great time to consider connecting with a therapist you can talk to, to make this after school season both easier on you and easier on your children.
The Annual Stresses of School Build Up
It’s important for parents to understand that seasonal stresses, like back to school season, are not harmless. When we’re stressed every year for a significant portion of the year, those stresses can affect our short and long term mental health. They make us more tense, increase our anxiety, make it harder to enjoy the things we used to enjoy, and impact our relationships.
Some years we might be able to overcome it as things settle down. But what if that doesn’t happen? What if something else goes wrong during back to school season, or it puts added stress on your marriage, or your child is showing more symptoms of ADHD or learning difficulties and needs extra attention?
Many, many issues can arise, and when they do, it becomes something that can lead to further mental health challenges if you don’t have someone to talk to.
Therapists for Adults During September and October
Therapists are not *just* for back to school season. Yet this time period is often one where many parents realize they could use some ongoing mental health support.
Still, because it is such a busy season, it is also not a time when many people seek it out. This school year, it is best for your mental health and wellness to strongly consider speaking with a therapist ready to address your current AND ongoing challenges, help you work through your feelings, and provide you with help for stress, depression, and anxiety so that you can manage this back to school season (and the next one, and the one after that).
If you find that your stress levels are high this back to school season, and you’d like to finally address it, contact Flourish Psychology, today. We’re here to help you better manage your mental health and get the support you need to thrive this year and the next.
How Fear of a Climate Change Future Can Cause Couples to Struggle to Decide Whether to Have Children
This past month has been the hottest recorded global temperature in recorded history. But that is not new. The past few years have seen records broken one after another. It’s understandable for this to cause people distress, especially when most reports about the likely future with climate change are fairly grim.
These fears are causing people to alter their lives in preparation for a climate change future, and one of the ways they may do this is by reducing their desire to have children. This, in turn, can affect relationships, happiness levels, and more.
Living to Your Values
Now, the decision to have – or not have- children is uniquely personal, and there is no right or wrong reason. Fears over climate change may be perfectly valid reason, and there is no wrong choice when that choice comes from you and your values.
One of the challenges, however, is determining whether that choice is being affected by other factors, such as anxiety and depression. Many people are experiencing anxiety and depression as a result of climate change. Those conditions affect how a person thinks, how they make decisions, and more.
If you’re struggling with a climate-change related depression, and that is the reason you do not want to have children, then it may be worthwhile to work on that depression first before finalizing that decision. In the end, you may find that it is still very much within your values.
But you also do not want to wake up one day years into the future and regret the decision, either. If your decision was caused by anxiety/depression and not solely by your values and goals, then you may end up with regrets that can affect your mental health in the future. Evaluating how you’re feeling, why, and whether or not there is something worth treating first can thus be advantageous.
How Relationships and the Future Can Be Affected by Climate Change Fears
Similarly, the choice to have children is often one that people engage in as a couple. Partners may not have the same view of the climate or of the world. This is a decision you’ll often want to make together, and it would be harmful and hurtful if it was being influenced by anxiety/depression. It may affect your relationship together in ways that may not be ideal for your long term mental health.
Working with a Therapist
Therapy – either individually or with couples – can be a healthy and productive way to address and identify what your fears are and help you determine what your values are (yourself or you both as a couple). It can help you examine any internal struggles, whether or not you will be comfortable with your decision in the future, and what can be done to reduce anxiety should you ultimately decide that you may want a child but are still struggling with these fears.
Your choice to have children is personal and uniquely yours. But issues like anxiety can also cloud what your “true” self wants. Through therapy, we can determine what you really want, and – if anxiety is affecting your decision – how we can reduce your anxiety so that you can live with fewer regrets. Learn more about our therapy services by contacting Flourish Psychology, today.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
Manage Consent
By clicking “Accept”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
