Many of us have a deep desire to be in a long lasting, loving relationship. We imagine ourselves finding “the one” and envision our life changing for the better – a family, maybe kids, and the chance to grow old with a partner that will be with you each and every day.
Life doesn’t always work out that way.
Many people find themselves unable to find this relationship. They find themselves getting older, and feel like they are on a timeline to meet someone soon. They may feel pressure to find a mate fast so that they can have kids while it is still biologically possible, or they may see their friends getting married and wonder why they’re not in the same place.
There is nothing wrong with desiring a relationship. But, it may also be important to embrace single life, and to do so in a way where you *could* be single for the rest of your life even if you don’t *want* to be.
It Starts with Loving Yourself
When we give ourselves an arbitrary timeline to meet a mate and get married, we can easily run into one of many situations that can hurt our mental health and happiness. For example:
- We can feel desperate to make a relationship work, even one that is toxic to our mental health.
- We can lose self-esteem and self-confidence, or even develop depression and anxiety over not reaching these timelines.
- We can lose ourselves, finding that time has passed and we haven’t accomplished other, personal goals as well.
If you give yourself an arbitrary timeline to meet and marry a partner, you can run into situations where you’ve lost a large chunk of your life seeking relationships, instead of engaging in other activities that would give your life more meaning. You can find that you’re focused on feeling sad or empty, ignoring the other many joys of the world around you.
Psychologically Coming to Terms with a Life of Singlehood
If you desire a relationship, then you shouldn’t give up on relationships. If you want a family, want kids, and want to find a partner you truly love, there is nothing wrong with that being one of your goals.
But it should also only be *one* of your goals. You should also learn to love yourself enough that you can learn to live single and still have a happy, fulfilling life. You should learn to find and engage in activities that provide you with positive, happy experiences, so that you can continue to enjoy life each and every day in the absence of a relationship. You can focus on finding a partner that you truly love, and not focus as much on pressure to get married because you feel like you need to be married by a specific age.
We only live one life. We deserve to enjoy it as much as possible. Getting married and starting a family is one way to enjoy it, but so is bowling, hiking, travel, learning a skill, spending time with friends, and so much more. We can desire and seek relationships, but we should also learn to enjoy the single life and live in such a way that, even in a situation where you remain single, you still embrace every day and the joys it can bring.
If you are struggling with being single, or you’re finding that you’re not where you want to be in your relationships, please reach out to Flourish Psychology today, and let’s talk about how we can make your life richer and more fulfilling while also addressing your relationship-related needs.