Human beings are social animals. We need and crave connection with others, and benefit from feeling this connection on a deep level. It’s known in the world of psychology as “social support,” and it’s directly connected to us living longer and happier lives. The simple act of feeling closely connected to others can add years to your lifespan.
That social support can also be a tool that can be used to address psychological challenges, including some that are directly connected to the development of social support, such as social anxiety. As a result, it can be useful for people struggling with anxiety to deeply embrace their friendships, and use that as a way to help them overcome their mental health issues.
NOTE: Of course, one of the challenges of having social anxiety is that it can make it difficult to find and maintain friendships. We’ll address that later. But many people with social anxiety do have *some* friends, maybe one or two. We’re going to talk more about the benefits of maintaining those friendships, before discussing alternative steps.
About Friends and Confidence
One of the most powerful tools that we have to feel more confident around others is a deeper feeling of friendship with the individuals that are currently with us.
When we feel as though we have a few very deep, fulfilling, arguably unbreakable friendships, we tend to experience:
- Less concern about the opinion of others. When we have issues like social anxiety and public speaking anxiety, we have a tendency to worry about what strangers think and that it might affect our social standing. But if we feel much more confident that we have deep friendships waiting for us, the anxiety that any mistakes will hurt us goes down.
- More confident in ourselves. Many studies have shown that we have much more confidence when we have friendships that are truly fulfilling, and that confidence can and will seep into our components of our life, including how we interact with others.
- Further social experiences in a stress free setting. It can be hard to talk to strangers. It can be hard to be in crowds. But social experiences are still social experiences. When you have some deep friendships that are really fulfilling, you are less likely to feel concerned about speaking to those individuals. As a result, you have more conversations, learn more social skills, and learn more about yourself – all of which are beneficial for addressing anxiety in other ways.
- It gives you people that can introduce you to others and support you while you’re there. Social experiences beget more social experiences. You are more likely to meet more people through your friendships, and also have someone that can go with you to social events to help ease your anxiety while you’re there.
Sometimes, too, when we feel a lot of social anxiety a part of us actually separates ourselves from our close friends because we desire the experience of not having anxiety and of socializing with new people. In a way, it’s as though our anxiety makes us want what we are struggling to have.
But you may want to consider re-embracing those close friendships and building on them. The effects that it can have on your social anxiety – and your personal life – can be fairly pronounced. If you’re looking for something you can do to feel less anxious with public speaking and in social settings, reconnecting and building on your existing friendships can help.
Of course, for some people their anxiety is so severe, they struggle to have these friendships, or they often rethink them and worry that their friends may not truly like them. In these situations, you can try a few things.
First, voice your experience with those friends. Let them know, calmly when you’re not feeling high emotion, that you struggle with this and you are working on it, and want to know if they’re willing to work with you as well. Sometimes that reassurance can be of big benefit. In addition, there are many groups that exist to help you find individual friendships in a less tense setting. Trying to connect with smaller groups can be a good step towards addressing this anxiousness.
Of course, you may find that you still struggle – either you still have social anxiety despite deep friendships with others, or your anxiety is so strong you are struggling to make deep friendships at all. In those types of situations, reaching out to a therapist can help. Find out more about our therapy and mental health services for anxiety at Flourish Psychology.