Shyness and social anxiety are not the same thing. Many people can be shy and/or introverted, but still not struggle with any significant anxieties or fears when faced with social interaction – nor the symptoms that may exist with children that have social anxiety, such as fear of being judged.
But while shyness is not a synonym of social anxiety, they can be related and interact. This can be especially true for preteens and teens. Many children and young people show signs of shyness without the social anxiety, but can potentially develop social anxiety as a result of some of the challenges that teens and tweens face socially.
Young People and Social Development
Younger children are trying to learn their social place and navigate the world. They’re developing not only their social skills, but their coping skills. They’re trying to understand themselves and how others see them. They are also surrounded by children that are still developing in their maturity.
This can lead to situations where children are judged or bullied because of their shyness. They may appear awkward or “weird” to others in their peer group. This can lead to situations where a child’s shyness becomes something more – something where the way their peer group responds to their shy interactions ends up leading to the development of social anxiety.
As parents and caregivers, we want to make sure that we’re helping our kids navigate these struggles. That means paying attention to the difference between the two, working on ways to build confidence, and helping children maintain a positive self-image.
How to Tell the Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety
Both shyness and social anxiety can present in very similar ways. Often, it is the smaller details that make it easier to tell them both apart.
Shyness:
Child may have and be satisfied with a few close friends.
Child may not express themselves socially, but be capable of being present.
Child may “warm up” to some people and be less shy with them.
Social Anxiety:
Child looks and acts fearful in social situations.
Child may actively avoid them, or show extreme discomfort.
Child may describe worry, fear of being judged, and fear of embarrassment.
Many people also assume that social anxiety is related to introversion. While that may be true at times, social anxiety can also occur in the extroverted. That is because anxiety is what holds them back socially, not a desire for being alone. If anything, the presence of social anxiety indicates a desire for social situations that is more common of extroverts, not introverts.
Taking Steps to Prevent Shyness from Becoming Social Anxiety
If your child already displays signs of social anxiety, a child therapist can help. Working with your child, they can develop their social skills and self confidence, while also addressing some of the child’s negative self-talk.
But if your child is just shy, this is still an age where it is useful to try to support your child socially in ways that help prevent social anxiety from forming. Social anxiety can impact self-esteem, friendships, the ability to obtain social support, and the social experiences that can help them later in life. Preventing this can be beneficial for their long term development.
How to Support Shy Tweens and Prevent Social Anxiety Development
Therapy for children and teens can help young people that are struggling with shyness. Therapists know how to support children with skill straining, coping, and relationship development. But parents can also help prevent shyness from turning into social anxiety by:
Helping Them Create a Core Group of Friends – Social support is one of the most powerful tools for building confidence and coping with social stressors. If your shy child doesn’t want to interact with many kids, see if you can connect them with a few friends they truly appreciate, and then encourage them to build on those relationships. This can help give them the social support they need to withstand awkwardness.
Let Them See You – Seeing you socially can help them socially. They learn to navigate some of the complexities of relationships and understand more about how to maintain conversations by watching how you interact with others in your life. It helps to normalize the experience and make it seem less foreign or fear inducing.
Teach Social Skills – Your child may not desire to be that social, but they still need to learn social skills. Talk with them, play with them, and teach them how to talk to others so that they’re ready if a situation presents itself.
Build Their Self Image – Make sure that you are always working on building their self-esteem and self-image. It is one of the most effective ways to help your child be resilient in the face of any negativity or emotional discomfort.
Shyness is not at all guaranteed to become social anxiety. But the experiences that young people have while shy can still affect them. Learning how to address these issues head on can help, and – if you find that your child has developed social anxiety – speaking with a therapist in Brooklyn can provide added support that your child may need.
The pandemic, at least as far as the government is concerned, is officially over. Though the virus is still circulating, and many of us still wear masks or allow the COVID-19 to affect our decisions (for example, attending a packed event), many others have moved on, and the government programs that were initially designed to help provide resources and reduce society’s risks have all ended.
It has now been over three years. For many, life has moved on. Many people are going back to work, spending time with many friends, and taking fewer precautions than they did before. But while it’s easy to see how life has gone back to normal, a question remains: is it still affecting us, even now?
No Time to Cope – The Fast Pace of Life
Many of us lost people during the pandemic.
Many of us remember what it was like to live in fear.
Many of us developed habits, like drinking alcohol, that still continue to this day.
Many of us still worry that we or someone we love could be ill at any moment.
Many of us lost friendships, relationships, or trust in ways that haven’t come back.
The pandemic may be “over” on a government level. It may even be over as far as our own personal precautions (though not for everyone). But one way that it is not over is that we, both here in New York and as a country, have never really had an opportunity to grieve. We haven’t been given an opportunity to process trauma. We haven’t been able to recognize all that has been lost, from time with friends to our children’s education. We haven’t had many chances to examine how the stress has affected us.
Some of us have been able to move forward. But many others are still struggling with minor and major issues, including anxiety, depression, and grief, that we haven’t had an opportunity to process. We may be forced into a situation where we have to pretend like life is back to normal, but those 1, 2, and 3 years that were dramatically altered by the pandemic can still cause very real, longstanding issues even today.
Getting Help for Pandemic Stress
It’s okay to still be affected by the pandemic. It’s okay to have emotional and psychological issues that developed as a result of this lost, stressful time. Here in NYC, where the early part of the pandemic hit us all incredibly hard, it is understandable that we still have little things that may be affecting us as a result of those challenging times.
If you feel like you are still affected, let Flourish Psychology help. Our therapists understand your struggles, and we’re here to help you adjust and feel more closely aligned with your pre-pandemic self – or better. Contact us today to get started.
There is more than one type of depression, according to the diagnostic manual that therapists and psychologists in Brooklyn use to diagnose depression. As we review your symptoms and try to gain a better understanding of your struggles, we’re often looking at both subtle and clearer differences between these disorders in order to determine how to effectively treat them.
Major depressive disorder (MDD) is a more urgent, more powerful form of depression with symptoms considered to be severe. Persistent depressive disorder (PDD) is a “milder” but no less problematic form of depression. It was previously referred to as “Chronic Depression” or “Dysthymia.” These conditions have many similarities, and it is possible to cycle in between the conditions – showing symptoms of major depression at times, and persistent depression at others – but they are distinctive conditions.
Diagnostic Differences
Before we get into the symptomatic differences between the two conditions, let’s talk about the diagnostic ones. Persistent depressive disorder can only be diagnosed if the patient has struggled with it for over one to two years depending on the patient’s age. It is the term for a low level of chronic depression that is essentially constant throughout the day and night.
Though the symptoms are considered less severe compared to MDD, their long term presence puts patients at higher risk for self-harm the longer they struggle with it. Major depression, on the other hand, can be diagnosed in as little as two weeks and “episodes” are often severe in nature, which makes treating it more urgent.
Symptomatic Differences Between MDD and PDD
It’s easy to say “less severe than major depression” or “low level of depression.” But because depression is always a struggle, it important to identify what “less severe depression” means.
Both PDD and MDD will have feelings of helplessness, negative self-talk, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, and depressed mood. But what makes them different is the following:
Function – Patients with PDD are typically able to function in some form with most of their daily tasks. They may not be able to give activities their full energy, or enjoy those activities, or focus as easily as those without depression. But they can typically go to work, address some of their family’s needs, and take care of a pet. Their ability to function may be compromised, but they are capable of it. Patients with Major Depressive Disorder often find depression so debilitating, it dramatically interferes with their ability to function.
Intensity – Patients with persistent depression will describe a low mood and feeling “down.” They may show changes in appetite, sleep, energy, and concentration, but they are more capable of pushing through it with a bit of effort. Patients with major depressive disorder typically are *extremely* sad or down to the point of being overwhelmed by it. Engaging in daily tasks feels nearly impossible, and in some cases may not be possible. They feel impaired by their condition with more persistent thoughts of self-harm.
While someone with PDD may feel “low” and unhappy or passionless and tired throughout the day, a patient with MDD could, depending on the severity of their symptoms, be unable to even leave their bed. Despite MDD being more severe, however, it should be noted that chronic depression can both cycle into MDD at times, and also lead to significant life alterations that cause people to consider self-harm in the future, especially as they no longer experience joy for such a long period of time.
Patients with PDD also may experience what is sometimes called “Double Depression.” These are more severe forms of depression that resemble MDD that come at different times or after different triggers. These periods of “Double Depression” can increase the risk of self-harm considerably. But they may not qualify as MDD because they may not last the requisite two weeks or display all of the same symptoms.
How Does Recognizing These Two Different Conditions Affect Treatment
Therapy for depression – both MDD and PDD – can be very similar. Both benefit from many of the same therapeutic techniques, such as CBT. Both benefit from treatment from an experienced therapist. Both respond well to professional intervention. Many of the same techniques are used as well, such as cognitive restructuring and behavioral activation.
However, there are differences as well. First, duration and frequency of therapy may change. MDD may require more immediate and frequent meetings to help address the episode in the moment and reduce the risk of worsening symptoms. PDD may benefit from ongoing treatment that helps continue to address its symptoms over time.
In addition, In MDD, CBT often focuses on identifying and challenging negative automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions that contribute to the development and maintenance of depressive symptoms. The emphasis is on modifying maladaptive thinking patterns during acute episodes and targeting specific negative thoughts related to the current episode. In PDD, cognitive restructuring may also be utilized, but the focus is broader and may involve addressing deeply ingrained negative beliefs and schemas that contribute to the chronic nature of depressive symptoms.
Similarly, in MDD, CBT may include specific techniques to recognize early warning signs of relapse and develop coping strategies to prevent future depressive episodes. In PDD, since the condition is chronic, relapse prevention may involve ongoing monitoring and management of symptoms to minimize their impact and prevent exacerbations.
While the therapy techniques are similar, the way that they are approached is different.
An important part of treating our mental health is understanding how our behaviors and experiences contribute to worse mental health symptoms.
For example, if you have a fear of spiders, and you purposefully avoid situations that might cause you to see spiders, your fear of spiders gets worse. This is the psychology of avoidance, which we mentioned in a past article. Or, if you have panic attacks, the way you breathe when you have panic disorder can actually trigger future panic attacks.
Our brains are complicated structures that work in equally complicated, often cyclical ways.
We also see this with depression, and one of the most common ways that this manifests is with the relationship between depression and sleep. Depression can cause sleeping issues and, to make matters worse, sleeping issues can cause depression. Understanding this relationship can help you make better decisions in order to help address your depression and also understand why you may feel the way you feel.
How Depression Causes Sleep Issues and Disturbances
Depression itself causes issues with sleep, both quality and frequency. Depression can cause both insomnia (inability to sleep) and hypersomnia (excessive sleep). Some of the scientific findings that relate to depression’s affect on sleep include:
Depression reduces REM sleep and affects how the body goes in and out of sleep stages.
Depression dysregulates melatonin, which his the hormone that regulates sleep/wake cycles.
Depression increases the likelihood of waking up in short bursts during sleep.
Depression reduces deep sleep time.
Depressed people tend to take longer to fall asleep at night.
These are all findings that implicate depression as a cause for possible sleep related problems.
How Sleep Issues Can Contribute to Depression
So, we know that depression can cause sleep issues. But where challenges arise is that science has shown that sleep issues can cause depression. Examples of these findings include:
Sleep deprivation studies have shown that even one night of poor sleep can cause depression-related symptoms, or exacerbate symptoms in those that already have depression.
Sleep disturbances cause abnormalities in regions of the brain that are linked to mood regulation and negative bias, increasing the frequency of negative thinking.
Sleep quality issues can alter the portions of the brain that are responsible for good decision making and stress coping.
Numerous studies have linked poor sleep, chronic insomnia, and a host of sleep issues with the development and maintenance of depression, although exactly how they are linked is not always clear. Nevertheless, it is clear that sleep issues can both cause depression and increase depression related symptoms.
Breaking the Poor Sleep/Depression Cycle
Sleep is not the only cause of depression, nor is depression the only cause of poor sleep. But the cyclical nature of the two – where poor sleep leads to depression and depression leads to poor sleep – is still very important for those with depression to recognize and understand, as they can help explain symptoms and experiences, and also help improve decision making about when to rest.
This is one of many examples of the ways that our mental health is more complicated than many of us believe. It is also why, by treating depression, we can improve our sleep quality which may also improve or depression. If you feel like you’ve been down or sad, reach out to a therapist and start receiving the support you need to improve your mental health.
Human beings are social animals. Research quite literally shows that we need interaction with other human beings in order to survive. Our life, our health, and our happiness are all directly connected to our ability to communicate and socialize with others.
Still, many of us also struggle with social anxieties. While not everyone may have social anxiety that qualifies as a mental health diagnosis, we can still have fears, anxiousness, and shyness in social situations.
Motivation for Feeling Social Anxiety and Fear
Social phobia can have many different causes and symptoms, and has been linked to issues like trauma, bullying, and other past experiences. One of the most common symptoms of social anxiety is a fear of being judged, and a fear of making a mistake in a way that hurts their social standing.
In psychotherapy treatments for social anxiety, like CBT, one way that we try to help address social phobia is to reframe the way you see and approach different situations. The fear of being judged is a perfect example of this. We often feel like, when we stumble within a conversation, that the person on the other end is making fun of us or thinking about how much we made a mistake.
But, when you leave a conversation, how much time do you spend thinking about all the mistakes *someone else* made? How much time do you spend thinking about and judging other people for their fumbles?
Most likely, you don’t think about other people’s mistakes at all.
The truth is that most people do not spend time thinking about you. Most people do not spend much time thinking about anyone but themselves. We all live very busy lives with our own stresses and distractions. We have our own family to worry about. We have dozens of conversations throughout the day. Most people simply do not have the time and energy to spend thinking about every little mistake you made.
And that’s a good thing.
Part of our social anxieties come from feeling like other people care about us enough to talk about us and think about us all throughout the day. But other people are not thinking about us at all. Even in situations where we do truly and objectively do or say something embarrassing, most people have too much going on in their lives and their own needs/desires to focus on anyone but themselves.
Other People Care About You – But Not That Way
Other people do care about you. They care that you’re happy. They care that you have your needs met. They care if you tell them that you got a new job and they care if you tell them you lost a family member.
But very few people have the time or energy to care about small conversational mistakes or inappropriate verbal responses. They don’t care about your facial tics or your bad jokes. There’s very little that any person can do that can cause someone else to focus and think about them all throughout the day.
So the next time that you find yourself worried about being judged, remember how little energy other people have to spend thinking about your mistakes. We all have our own stresses to worry about.
Major depression and bipolar disorder – two of the most common types of depression – can often be lifelong and ongoing without help. While both are treatable, both typically result in thoughts and behaviors that feed into a cycle of depression that keeps the symptoms constant or, in some cases, making them worse. Psychotherapy and related support are often required to overcome these conditions. Postpartum depression is a bit different. While it is unfortunately true that some women do experience ongoing symptoms of postpartum depression (PPD) if it is left untreated, many others overcome PPD almost spontaneously – weeks or months down the road, when the transition to parenthood has settled, hormones have balanced, and both partners have been able to figure out their co-parenting roles. It is because PPD can go away on its own (even though that is not a guarantee) that many women do not seek treatment. But the problem is that, even in situations where PPD has faded away, the effects and experience of that post-partum depression can be long-lasting.
Ways that Post-partum Depression is Traumatic
PPD is, in many ways, traumatic. Most people expect having a baby to be this joyful, exhilarating event. But a large percentage of women end up experiencing at minimum a mild form of post-partum depression (known as the “baby blues”) and many others experience more profound and heavy emotions with symptoms such as emptiness, loneliness, sadness, and depressed mood.
Those negative emotions can have many long-term consequences, even after the PPD has gone away. Many women experience:
Fear over having another child. There are many women that experience anxiety over having PPD again, and some women that will avoid future pregnancies specifically because they do not want to experience postpartum depression.
Guilt and shame over not fully appreciating the baby’s first few months. PPD can make it difficult for new mothers to bond with their baby. After the PPD goes away, many women feel guilt about the experience and feel sadness that they did not fully enjoy those days.
Reliving the experience. Many women remember vividly what it was like to live with PPD. They may have flashbacks or extreme levels of empathy for other moms. They may also still have issues with their partner that resulted from their PPD experiences.
These are only a few of the ways that postpartum depression is traumatic for the moms that experience it. Many women that have postpartum depression struggle with the effects of it long after the PPD has gone away.
Trauma Needs Support
Not everyone will overcome postpartum depression on their own. But even those that do can still live with the effects of having it long after the postpartum depression has gone away. Those emotions benefit from ongoing support by counselors and therapists that understand how to work with both PPD, trauma, anxiety, and more.
Postpartum depression may be common. But we have therapies now that can help address not only the PPD itself, but the months and years after. Seeking help is beneficial for anyone that feels they are struggling, and no one should feel like they need to “wait it out” alone.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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