On average, a 40 year old adult sleeps about 6.5 to 7 hours a day. That is average. A large percentage of the population sleeps even less than that.
You need 7 to 9 hours of sleep per day for optimum health – not just physical health, but mental health too – and yet we’re getting so much less than that. Most of the time, even though we don’t always feel this way, this is a problem of our own making.
Why do we get so little sleep?
What does our mental health have to do with it?
Why do we need to make sure we get more and what can we do to get there?
Let’s talk about it.
Why Do We Get So Little Sleep?
It often feels like we’re so busy, we don’t have time to sleep. There’s a little bit of truth to that, but most of us absolutely have the ability to go to bed earlier and try to get more rest. The problem is often not that we can’t get enough sleep, but rather we simply don’t. We stay awake as long as possible, and then wake up early the next day before 7 to 9 hours has passed.
We do this for a variety of reasons, many of which are mental health related:
Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – We experience so much activity during the day, often in ways that don’t feel like “ours” that we take reclaim our time by staying awake as long as possible. Ironically, we often spend this time doing activities that do not satisfy this procrastination (like scrolling our phones instead of doing productive hobbies). In any event, we fight the urge to go to sleep in favor of trying to stay up as late as we can so we feel like we had more time in the day.
Excessive Stimulation – Though not directly a mental health issue, far more of us are spending time on our phones and on screens, and this can be a serious problem. Scrolling phones causes issues like digital overload, which make us feel like we’re resting but in reality are overprocessing our brains. Why we spend so much time on our phones can be examined from a mental health perspective, from doomscrolling habits to phone addiction.
Stress/Anxiety – Stress and anxiety both release hormones and neurotransmitters that both make it harder to fall asleep and make it harder to get a deep sleep. These issues can also be cyclical, as a lack of sleep is known to cause more stress and anxiety. Some anxiety disorders, like panic attacks, can make it especially hard to fall asleep.
Depression – Depression itself causes significant sleep disruption as one of its symptoms. When a person has depression, their neurotransmitters are out of balance, leading to challenging sleep/wake cycles and even worse sleep quality.
We often assume that missing sleep will make us more tired later, but that is often not the case. When we don’t sleep, we tend to experience more stress and anxiety (keeping us awake). We also have more irritability, which lowers tolerance for stress, and we often self medicate with caffeine which can keep us awake even more.
In all of these situations, we do have the ability to go to sleep, but we are either choosing not to for mental health reasons, or our mental health is making it too difficult for us to fall asleep when we need to.
You Need More Sleep
Entire books have been written about why we need more than 7 hours of sleep a night, and this does not need to be completely rehashed here, but sleep is required to improve our physical health (prevent diabetes, improve immune system function, and even reduce obesity), as well as our cognitive function and long term brain health (sleep clears waste products from the brain, reducing risk of dementia, and improves attention and memory consolidation).
But you also need sleep for your mental health. You need sleep to problem solve, reduce stress, and even prevent the development of worsening anxiety and depression. As much as it may feel like staying up is preferable, human beings desperately require sleep in ways that are absolutely necessary for short and long term mental health and wellness.
Since poor sleep can also lead to issues that lead to further poor sleep, breaking this cycle intentionally is especially important.
What Can Be Done?
One way that you can address a lack of sleep is, of course, by going to sleep. Having a consistent schedule where you go to bed at roughly the same time, even on weekends, no matter how much time you had to yourself during the day can help to create a rhythm where you become tired at the same time and fall asleep more easily.
You can also limit caffeine and, perhaps crucially, limit screen time considerably – especially after dark.
But in the absence of those things (or if you struggle to do those things on your own), consider seeing a therapist. You’ll find that many of the issues that stand in your way are mental health related, and benefit from talking to someone that can help guide you towards a more rested, happier future.
The 4th of July is over. For some, it was a time of celebration, where we got together with friends and family for fun, enjoyable experiences filled with food, people, and fireworks. For many others, however, it is a triggering time. It is a time where issues like the loud noises of fireworks can trigger immense anxiety, stress, and fear.
Fireworks are often a trigger for those struggling with PTSD, as the loud and surprising noises can all create issues from unresolved past experiences. That is why now is a good time to ask yourself whether or not it is time to start seeking treatment for your past traumas.
How Did You Feel on July 4th?
If you’ve experienced trauma in the past that you’ve struggled to deal with, and you found that you were especially on edge during July 4th as a result of loud noises, bright lights, or even crowds, it may be a sign that you could have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. PTSD can trigger many issues, including:
Hypervigilance – This is where you feel on edge or unsafe in an environment that should otherwise feel safe.
Flashbacks – This is when memories from the past flash into your mind, especially during loud noises or when surrounded by crowds.
Extreme Stress – This would describe you feeling as though you’re under extreme stress during these July 4th experiences, despite no clear stressful activity.
Those with PTSD may also have trouble sleeping not only the night of July 4th, but the following days, or may experience emotional or even psychological detachment caused by feeling overstressed and overstimulated.
What is EMDR?
Studies have found that one of the reasons that trauma may be impacting people long after the event is because the stress of the event disrupts the normal processing response. In a way, it cause the event to be “stuck” and fragmented in the brain, which in turn causes people to relive the stress and be unable to move it to long term processing, where a person can start coping with it.
One of the most effective known solutions for this is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR. The focus of EMDR is to help people re-process a traumatic event and move the traumatic event into long term memory so that it is then unable to trigger the same physiological and emotional distress.
EMDR is a unique process that helps people process events through eye movements, sounds, and other forms of stimulation to help them maneuver the event through the normal cognitive processing channels, in order to help them process it, reduce its intensity, and heal. It is very effective, and while it is not right for all patients, those that are candidates for EMDR find it to be one of the most effective tools available for overcoming trauma.
It is especially useful to consider EMDR right after something like July 4th – something that has triggered the emotions. Some believe this can make it easier to access them and process them, resulting in better overall outcomes.
Seeking Psychotherapy for Trauma After July 4th
If the Fourth of July caused you to experience psychological challenges related to trauma, let’s talk about it. Reach out to Flourish Psychology today and let’s talk about your struggles and how we can help you manage your trauma and experience a better July 4th next year.
When a person has a traumatic experience, it can linger in the brain. Studies have shown that one of the reasons that people experience issues like PTSD is because their mind struggles to process the emotional significance of the trauma, and the trauma then lingers in the mind, bouncing around and causing anxiety and distress.
It’s one of the primary reasons that EMDR has been so successful at treating PTSD. EMDR helps a person process the event in a safe setting, helping move it to the long term storage part of the brain and reducing the distress that it causes.
Still, when we say something is “stuck” in the brain, what does that mean? Where is it stuck?
Let’s talk about it.
Where a Trauma is Stuck in the Mind
One thing to understand is that when we say that a traumatic event is “stuck” in the brain, this isn’t metaphorical. There are specific brain regions involved in how trauma is recalled, stored, and processed. During a traumatic events, those systems are overwhelmed and dysregulated, causing trauma to feel like it’s ongoing.
For those that have this unresolved trauma, it’s stored in several places. These include:
Amygdala – The Amygdala is what stores the emotional intensity of the event. During a traumatic event, it tags the memory as “dangerous,” which is partially what leads to these feelings of being on high alert (even in safe environments), cause panic at otherwise mild triggers, and lead to heightened anxiety and stress. The amygdala also has no concept of time, which may explain why a person feels like they’re still living the event.
Hippocampus – While the amygdala governs emotion and alertness, the hippocampus helps form and organize memories, placing them in a logical timeline. Under extreme stress, hippocampal activity can become impaired. Traumatic experiences may be stored as sensory fragments or disorganized impressions, rather than coherent, narrative memories. This may cause flashbacks, intrusive images, and more. There is even research that shows that the hippocampus may shrink after a traumatic event, making it harder to process additional memories.
Prefrontal Cortex – In a healthy stress response, the prefrontal cortex helps regulate the amygdala and integrate emotional memory with reasoning. But during trauma – or when trauma has been left unprocessed – this area often becomes underactive. The prefrontal cortex helps distinguish between a real threat and a perceived one. When it is dysregulated, the brain struggles to tell the difference. It also has a difficult time with decision making or accessing calming thoughts.
When we say that trauma gets “stuck” in the brain, it’s not entirely an exaggeration. It may not be stuck in the literal sense, but the way that it fragments and deregulates the brain’s functions means that it’s always bouncing around in there, causing ongoing issues. Addressing the trauma then requires figuring out how to help the brain process it the way it would process any event – helping it get unstuck.
Processing Trauma to Move Forward
What makes trauma different from other negative experiences is not only the intensity, but also the way it bypasses normal memory systems. If the brain doesn’t fully process and integrate the experience, it may remain stored in a raw, emotionally charged form – especially in the amygdala and sensory systems. These unprocessed fragments can be reactivated by smells, sights, sounds, or even thoughts that are only loosely related to the original event.
Therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, and trauma-informed cognitive behavioral therapy work by helping the brain complete the processing of these memories. The goal is to shift the trauma from an ongoing alarm to something that is recognized as part of the past.
Even if trauma feels deeply embedded, it does not have to stay that way. With the right support, the brain can begin to rewire and recover – moving the trauma out of a reactive loop and into long-term memory where it no longer dictates how we feel in the present.
If you’re struggling with trauma, reach out to Flourish Psychology today. Let’s have our team help you process trauma, using EMDR and other therapies to help you move forward. Contact us today to get started.
Recently, Dr. Sadi Fox of Flourish Psychology was featured on Fox Weather to discuss the way that severe weather patterns can affect our mood. Take a look!
Usually, when we talk about the way weather affects mood, we are primarily focused on issues like seasonal depression. But weather can affect our mood in some wany ways. Even the heat!
Right now, millions of people are living through Hurricane Season. It’s now even become something we have to worry about more in New York! Sadi addresses the way that weather can affect our mood, and more!
Take a look and reach out to Flourish Psychology with any additional questions, or if you want to learn more about our psychotherapy services.
Parenting is hard. This probably comes as a shock to no one, but therapy is a challenge. You’re tasked with keeping this little thing alive, all while not getting sleep, putting a strain on your marriage, dealing with the physical health issues, and on and on.
It is a challenge for everyone.
You may be familiar with postpartum depression – depression that occurs after having a child due to a combination of hormonal changes, stress, and more. Some people seek out therapists when they have this type of depression, hoping to get extra help coping.
But here’s the thing:
You don’t need postpartum depression to find therapy beneficial. You do not even need a diagnosable mental health condition at all.
What if, instead of waiting to see if you develop a mental health issue, you simply start seeing a therapist. What if you take a more proactive approach?
Seeking Therapy Proactively
You already know that parenting is challenging, even before having a baby. Psychotherapy is about helping someone through their challenges, no matter what they may be.
By seeking out a therapist to help you with parenting, you put yourself in a position to:
Address stress as early as possible, before it becomes something that can create problems in your mental health or marriage.
Teach you how to be more present, so that you can take in as much of parenting as possible.
Potentially help you sleep more. Sleep is limited with all kids, but if the anxiety of parenting keeps you awake, or you’re struggling to prioritize sleep, therapy can help.
Answer questions and worries you may have, and help you find the best parent you can be in yourself.
Respond to past childhood traumas and issues with upbringing to learn how to parent authentically, lovingly, and in today’s world.
If a parent does have postpartum depression, it can also be addressed at the time of therapy. But, regardless of mental health status, many parents would benefit from psychotherapy that helps them manage the challenges of parenthood early and often.
Since your own mental health outside of parenting can also affect how you build relationships, manage frustration, and so on, psychotherapy can also transform you back into your best self.
Reach Out Today to Learn More
Flourish Psychology is a boutique private practice that is happy to help parents adapt to this new part of their lives. We also occasionally run group therapy sessions for new parents, and we have options for those that need ongoing care.
If you would like to get started, please reach out to our team, today.
There is something scary about parenting these days – arguably scarier than at any time in the past. We can talk about how social media may play a role (triggering fears about missing or exploited children, or sharing stories of child tragedies). We can talk about the current political environment around schools. We can talk about how much more stimulation there is, or the possible rise in developmental issues like ADHD.
We can talk about COVID. We can talk about rising prices.
We can talk about a lot of things, but in any/all of these situations, the main takeaway is that parenting is difficult, and many, many parents are finding themselves anxious. That anxiety can become its own significant problem:
Anxiety can make it more difficult to be present with your child, leading to missing out on milestones or making it harder to love them the way you want to.
Anxiety can be contagious, unintentionally teaching children to be more anxious and causing them to develop more anxiety as they get older.
Anxiety can be life altering. When we’re always worried, it can not only touch everything we do – it can change our brain chemistry to cause anxiety disorders, depression, and more.
So while parenting anxiety may seem like a normal, maybe even healthy part of parenting, it is often anything but. That is why it is so important for those that are struggling to seek out help. You don’t need to have a diagnosable disorder to see a therapist. What matters is that you’re not where you want to be with your mental health, and you need someone to help you move forward.
Therapists for Parenting
Parenting IS stressful. It is hard. It is time consuming and, for many, it can lead to anxiety and other mental health challenges. Dr. Sadi Fox of Flourish Psychology even offers on some occasions a parenting group for post-partum moms that is specifically about adjusting to the mental health components of parenting for that very reason.
Yet, whether you’re part of a group or on your own, there is immense benefit to taking this anxiety seriously – learning to address your feelings and make sure that you’re getting help. These moments are precious, and they move quickly. The last thing you want is to find that your child is turning 4, or 7, or 18, and you’ve spent much of their childhood feeling more nervous and more stressed than you needed to be.
Don’t be afraid to seek out a therapist for parenting just because “all parenting is hard.” Parenting is hard, but you still deserve to feel your best so you, your child, and your partner are in the best place possible. Learn more about our psychotherapy or group services for parents in NYC by reaching out to Flourish Psychology, today.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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