…And How EMDR and Other Psychotherapy May Help
It is important, for the health of a relationship, to see your relationship as a “we” rather than a “me.” We have to understand and recognize that, even though this is two individuals, the success of the relationship requires viewing it as its own single entity.
Indeed, there is even an argument to be made that changing your language from “me” and “you” to “we” and “us” can have substantial benefits.
Still, we also know that this IS two different people. Each person has their own history. They have their own likes and dislikes. They have their own personality and, frequently, they have their own traumas.
It is not uncommon within the context of couples counseling to notice that something is standing in the way of progress. Often, that “something” is a person’s individual mental health. For example, if one person has trauma in their past that causes high or specific emotions to be triggered, it may be difficult to create change within the relationship.
EMDR and Therapy to Support Couples Counseling
Let’s talk about trauma, specifically. When a person experiences a traumatic event, studies have shown that the memory of the event fragments into different areas of the brain, and is thus incapable of being processed and moved towards the long term storage centers of our memory. It’s why many people feel emotions (and even memories) of still experiencing the event as if it was still going on, or “like it was yesterday.”
Couples counseling can help to health challenges between a couple, but it is not going to process traumatic memories. For that, you may need something like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).
EMDR is a highly effective approach to dealing with trauma. Your therapist – one that specializes in EMDR – safely and comfortably walks you through the event while performing eye movements and rhythmic motions to help you process the event and move it to long term storage.
EMDR is a separate service. But when one – or both – individuals in couples counseling are struggling with unresolved trauma, EMDR offers a solution that can solve that part of the challenge so that you both can focus on the rest of couples therapy.
Trauma – and, by extension, EMDR – is not the only issue or solution either. Many relationships are affected by other mental health issues as well, such as:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Work Stress
- Attachment
We are more likely to have trouble in a relationship if we’re affected by these issues, especially if they’re untreated. Thus, providing someone with individual therapy – EMDR or otherwise – can be a very helpful part of trying to address a couple’s issues.
Relationships Are Where Two Become One – But Are Still Two
Interestingly, a part of couples counseling is to try to help both partners realize that they are, in many ways, a single entity. We have them change their language from “Me” and “I” to “We” and “Us” because couples are more likely to be successful when they recognize that they are a team, and a single thing in many ways.
Still, these are still two people, and two people are going to have their own needs. So, while couples counseling can be used to address the needs of the couple, sometimes you have to look at yourself as an individual to determine what you need to help you move forward.