Many of us struggle to be social. We struggle feeling positive. We struggle to be someone that we’re not. In many cases, we can end up putting up a mask that hides how we really feel, trying our best to show the world a person – a happy, friendly person – even if we don’t feel that way inside.
That can be a problem. It can be a problem for us to live and hide who we are. Still, that type of emotional masking tends to happen subconsciously due to external pressures. What if that positivity and social personality is something we’re doing *on purpose*?
Contrary to what you might think, “faking it” – at least when it’s a positive choice that we’re doing as an exercise in mental health – can have benefits:
- People that fake positivity may start to see the world in a more positive way.
- People that fake social confidence may start to develop social confidence.
- People that fake higher self esteem may start to experience better self esteem.
What we often find is that, when used as an exercise, faking the way that we want to feel and the person that we want to be can create psychological changes that help us adapt to be that person.
How Behaviors Can Affect Emotion
One of the foundational insights in psychology is that behavior and emotion do not flow in only one direction. It is not just that a person feels happy and therefore smiles — it is also possible for the act of smiling to influence how that person feels.
Several psychological theories help explain this relationship. One framework often referenced is Self-Perception Theory, which proposes that people sometimes infer their own emotional state by observing their behavior and the context in which it occurs. In this model, behaving in a positive or socially engaged way can gradually shape a person’s internal experience to align more closely with those actions.
Other processes may also play a role. In some situations, the mismatch between how a person feels internally and how they are behaving externally may create a form of cognitive dissonance, which the mind resolves by adjusting the emotional state. In structured treatment settings, similar principles are used in behavioral activation, where individuals are encouraged to re-engage in meaningful or rewarding activities to interrupt cycles of withdrawal and low mood. In any event, what we find is that:
- Acting a Certain Way Can Change How You Feel – When you engage in behaviors associated with a particular emotion (like smiling, speaking confidently, or engaging socially), your brain can start to align your internal state with that external behavior.
- Movement Creates Momentum – Depression and anxiety often create inertia. You don’t feel like doing anything, so you don’t do anything, which makes you feel worse. Faking engagement – going through the motions even when you don’t feel like it – can break that cycle and create forward movement.
- Social Interaction Reinforces Connection – Even if you’re forcing yourself to engage in conversation or act interested, the act of connecting with others can reduce isolation and provide genuine moments of connection, which improves mood over time.
This doesn’t mean that faking positivity magically cures depression or that performing social skills eliminates anxiety. But it does mean that the performance itself can be therapeutic, and potentially create real, lasting change into your feelings and behaviors.
When Intentional “Faking It” Can Be Helpful
There are specific contexts where deliberately practicing positivity or using learned social behaviors – even when they don’t feel natural in the moment – can serve as a valuable tool for mental health:
Breaking the Cycle of Depression
Depression creates a vicious cycle. You feel bad, so you withdraw from activities and people. That withdrawal reinforces the depression, which makes you feel worse, which makes you withdraw more. Waiting until you “feel like” engaging with life often means waiting indefinitely.
Intentionally faking engagement – showing up to an event even when you don’t want to, having a conversation even when you feel flat, acting interested in something even when nothing feels interesting – can interrupt that cycle. The behavior comes first, and the feeling sometimes follows. Not always, and not immediately, but often enough that the exercise is worth doing.
Creating Positivity in a Seemingly Negative World
If you follow the news these days, or you’ve experienced a lot of hardships, the idea that the world can be a positive and happy place may sound foreign – so much so that you may find yourself saying, feeling, thinking, and acting negatively in ways that are harmful for your mental health.
Pretending to be positive – indeed, acting as you envision a positive person would act – may have the potential to teach you to think and see things more positively. This can be a great way to break the cycle of negativity, and eventually experience much needed positive emotions.
Building Social Confidence Through Practice
Social anxiety and social awkwardness often stem from a lack of experience and practice. If you’ve spent years avoiding social situations, you haven’t had the opportunity to develop the skills that make social interaction easier.
Intentionally practicing social behaviors – making eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable, initiating small talk even when you’re not sure what to say, acting confident even when you’re nervous – builds competence over time. What starts as performance can gradually become more natural as you accumulate evidence that you can handle social situations and as the skills themselves become more automatic.
Developing Self-Esteem Through Action
Low self-esteem often comes with a belief that you’re not capable, not likable, or not worthy. Waiting until you believe in yourself to take action means you never take action, which reinforces the belief that you’re not capable.
Acting as if you have higher self-esteem – speaking up even when you doubt yourself, setting boundaries even when you’re afraid of rejection, trying new things even when you’re not sure you’ll succeed – creates experiences that challenge the negative beliefs. Over time, those experiences can shift how you see yourself, not because you convinced yourself to think differently, but because you proved through action that the negative beliefs weren’t accurate.
The Difference Between Helpful “Faking It” and Harmful Masking
It’s important to distinguish between intentionally practicing behaviors as a mental health exercise and compulsively hiding your true self out of fear or shame. Helpful faking it is intentional, goal oriented, and self-compassionate – where you recognize that the behavior may not feel authentic yet, and that’s okay. You’re giving yourself permission to practice without judgment.
Masking, on the other hand, is:
- Compulsive and Fear-Driven – You feel like you have no choice but to hide how you really feel because showing your true self would lead to rejection, judgment, or harm.
- Chronic and Exhausting – You’re performing constantly, in every context, with no space to let the mask drop. The performance is draining you.
- Disconnecting – The masking is creating distance between you and your true self, making it harder to know what you actually feel or want.
- Shame-Based – The performance is rooted in the belief that who you really are is unacceptable or broken, and that you must hide to be worthy of connection.
The key difference is agency. Are you choosing to practice behaviors that serve your growth, or are you trapped in a performance you can’t escape? If you feel like you have to fake it and hide yourself, that’s masking. If you’re performing it as an exercise to change how you think or feel, then it may be worth attempting.
You Can Choose Who You Want to Become
The idea that you have to wait until you feel a certain way to act a certain way is limiting. It traps you in patterns that reinforce the very feelings you want to change.
Intentionally practicing positivity, confidence, or social engagement – even when it feels like “faking it” – can be a powerful tool for growth. It’s not about being dishonest or hiding who you are. It’s about recognizing that behavior can shape emotion, that practice builds skills, and that you have more control over who you become than you might think.
If you’re ready to explore how behavioral practice can support your mental health, or if you need help navigating the balance between growth and authenticity, reach out to Flourish Psychology. Call (917) 737-9475 to schedule a consultation.
You don’t have to wait to feel better to start acting like the person you want to be. Sometimes, acting like that person is what helps you become them.