Successful relationships are a partnership AND made up of two unique individuals. You want to feel connected to another person, but you also want to make sure that you have your own independence, and that you’re willing to speak up for yourself, attend to your needs, engage independently in activities that appeal to you, and more.
Many people struggle with this balance, especially when it comes to what’s called “Codependency” – an extreme emotional and psychological reliance on a partner that makes it more difficult for one or both partners to have a mutually content relationship.
Some degree of partner reliance is often healthy. But too much can push a partner away, make it difficult to function properly, and so much more.
The problem is that many people struggle to identify when they’re the ones with codependency issues. How do you know the difference between healthy reliance on a partner, and co-dependency issues that may hurt your mental health and your relationship?
Signs of Codependency in Yourself
It’s okay to love your partner. It’s okay to feel emotionally connected to them. But pay attention to signs of codependency that may indicate that you are having issues with codependency, and know when to seek help. For example:
- Trouble Saying No – If you have a difficult time saying no to your partner’s needs and wants, even at the expense of your happiness.
- Behavioral Monitoring – If you’re paying too much attention to how your partner feels and trying to reach in ways to make them happy or avoid conflict.
- Fearing Abandonment – If you alter your behaviors, even if they hurt you, because you’re worried about your partner leaving.
- Guilt from Self-Care – If you feel especially guilty or anxious about engaging in any self-care activities.
- Identity Loss – If you give up everything that made you who you are in order to appease the needs of someone else.
- Emotionally Exhausted and Overwhelmed – If you’re frequently feeling exhausted or overwhelmed from the work you put in to making a partner satisfied.
- Low Self Esteem – If you have low self-worth, especially if it appears to be tied to how you see yourself in the relationship.
- Problem Solver – If you are constantly trying to solve problems for someone else and make life easier for them, without expecting them to put in the work.
These are only some of the signs that a person may be struggling with codependency. Your relationship should lift you up, be mutually beneficial, provide you with confidence in yourself and the future, and be with someone that is there to help you with your needs. If you find that you’re not in this type of relationship, but you have significant dependence on your partner, that may be codependency.
What Happens Next?
If you believe that this describes you and your experience, typically it is something you address in psychotherapy. Often, this type of dependency comes from other sources, such as abandonment issues in youth, low self-esteem, abuse, and more.
If you are concerned, or you simply want to make your experience in relationships better, please reach out to Flourish Psychology today.