Do You Mentally Prepare for Conversations That Haven’t Happened?
You’re lying in bed at 11 PM, trying to fall asleep, when your brain decides it’s the perfect time to rehearse tomorrow’s conversation with your boss. You run through what you’ll say, how they’ll respond, what you’ll say back. You plan for every possible objection, every dismissive comment, every worst-case scenario.
Or maybe you’re in the shower, mentally replaying a text message you sent three hours ago, crafting better versions of what you should have said. You imagine the other person’s reaction, prepare your defense, plan your follow-up.
This mental rehearsal – this constant preparation for conversations, confrontations, and scenarios that may never happen – is one of the most common patterns therapists see in people struggling with anxiety, and while it feels productive, like you’re getting ready for something important, it’s actually keeping you stuck in a cycle of worry and stress.
What Is Mental Rehearsal?
Mental rehearsal is when you repeatedly imagine future conversations, events, or confrontations in your mind. You script out what you’ll say, anticipate how others will respond, and plan your reactions to their responses. Sometimes you’re rehearsing something that’s actually scheduled to happen. Other times, you’re preparing for conflicts or conversations that exist only in your imagination.
This pattern shows up in different ways for different people. Some people mentally rehearse difficult conversations with partners, preparing for fights that haven’t started. Others rehearse work presentations over and over, imagining every question that could be asked. Some people rehearse explanations or defenses for situations that haven’t even occurred yet.
The problem is that mental rehearsal rarely stops at one run-through. You rehearse the conversation, then you revise it. You think of a better response, so you run through it again. You imagine a new objection, so you prepare for that too. Before you know it, you’ve spent 30 minutes or an hour mentally preparing for a conversation that might take five minutes – or might not happen at all.
Why Your Brain Does This
Mental rehearsal isn’t random. Your brain has a reason for doing this, even if it’s not helping you.
- It Feels Like Control — When you’re anxious about something, your brain looks for ways to manage that anxiety. Mental rehearsal creates the illusion of control. If you can anticipate every possible response, plan every counterargument, you feel more prepared. The problem is that real conversations don’t follow scripts, and the more you rehearse, the more anxious you become about deviating from your mental plan.
- It’s Avoidance In Disguise — Mental rehearsal can be a way to avoid actually dealing with uncomfortable situations. As long as you’re “preparing,” you don’t have to take action. You can tell yourself you’re being productive when you’re actually procrastinating or avoiding the real issue.
Every time you mentally rehearse a difficult conversation, you’re reinforcing the idea that the conversation is something to fear. Your brain doesn’t distinguish between imagined threats and real ones, so rehearsing a confrontation triggers the same stress response as actually having it. The more you rehearse, the more anxious you become about the real thing.
When you’re constantly running through future scenarios in your mind, you’re not fully engaged in what’s happening right now. You miss conversations happening in front of you because you’re too busy preparing for ones that haven’t happened yet.
How CBT Addresses Mental Rehearsal
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers specific, practical tools to interrupt this pattern and help you respond differently when your brain wants to start rehearsing.
- Identifying The Pattern — The first step in CBT is recognizing when you’re doing this. Many people rehearse conversations so automatically that they don’t even realize it’s happening. CBT helps you become aware of the pattern – noticing when your mind shifts from the present moment to mentally preparing for future scenarios.
- Examining The Thoughts — Once you recognize the pattern, CBT helps you look at the thoughts driving it. What are you afraid will happen if you don’t rehearse? What do you think you’re accomplishing by going through the conversation in your mind? Often, you’ll find that the mental rehearsal is based on assumptions that aren’t accurate.
- Challenging Cognitive Distortions — Mental rehearsal is often fueled by cognitive distortions – thinking errors that make situations seem worse than they are. Common distortions include catastrophizing (assuming the worst possible outcome), mind reading (assuming you know what the other person will say or think), and fortune telling (predicting negative outcomes with certainty). CBT helps you identify these distortions and challenge them with more balanced, realistic thoughts.
- Testing Your Predictions — One of the most effective CBT techniques is behavioral experiments – testing whether your predictions actually come true. If you’re mentally rehearsing a conversation because you’re convinced it will go badly, CBT encourages you to have the conversation without all the preparation and see what actually happens. Often, you’ll find that your predictions were wrong, and the conversation went differently than you imagined.
- Developing Tolerance For Uncertainty — Mental rehearsal is often driven by a need for certainty and control. CBT helps you build tolerance for not knowing exactly how a conversation will go, for being unprepared in the moment, for trusting yourself to respond appropriately without a script. This is uncomfortable at first, but it’s useful for breaking the rehearsal pattern.
These CBT techniques give you tools to interrupt the mental rehearsal loop and redirect your attention to the present moment. Over time, you learn to trust yourself in real conversations without needing to prepare for every possible outcome.
What This Looks Like in Practice
In CBT sessions, addressing mental rehearsal might look like this:
You come to therapy reporting that you spent two hours last night mentally preparing for a conversation with your partner about household responsibilities. Your therapist helps you identify the thoughts driving the rehearsal – maybe you’re afraid your partner will get defensive, or you’re worried you won’t be able to articulate your needs clearly.
Together, you examine whether those fears are based in reality or distorted thinking. Your therapist might ask whether past conversations have actually gone the way you predicted, or whether your partner has shown the ability to hear your concerns without becoming defensive.
Then you work on an alternative approach. Instead of rehearsing the conversation, you might practice grounding techniques to stay present. You might identify the core point you want to make and trust yourself to communicate it without a script. You might even intentionally have the conversation without any preparation and observe what happens.
This process doesn’t happen all at once. Breaking the mental rehearsal habit takes time and repeated practice. But with consistent work, you start to notice the pattern earlier, challenge it more effectively, and trust yourself more in real-time conversations.
When to Seek Support
Mental rehearsal becomes a problem when it’s taking up significant time, interfering with your sleep or daily activities, increasing your anxiety rather than reducing it, or preventing you from being present in your actual relationships and interactions.
If you find yourself spending hours mentally preparing for conversations, replaying interactions over and over in your mind, or feeling more anxious despite all your preparation, it might be time to work with a therapist who specializes in CBT.
At Flourish Psychology, our therapists use evidence-based CBT techniques to help clients break free from patterns like mental rehearsal and develop healthier ways of managing anxiety and uncertainty. If you’re ready to stop spending so much mental energy preparing for conversations that haven’t happened and start being more present in your actual life, we can help.
Call (917) 737-9475 or fill out our from to schedule an appointment with one of our NYC therapists who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.