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Relationships are a critical source of happiness for so many of us. They’re our main source of love and support – with individuals that are there with us for most of our memories. The more we keep working on our relationships, the stronger they’ll be, and the more contentment and joy we’ll be able to bring into our lives. 

No matter how long you and your partner have been together, there is always more to learn. But when you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes it’s difficult to ask questions that help you explore each other further. Here are some questions that you may want to keep in mind to ask your partner when the moment is right.  

Questions to Ask Your Partner

  • How would you like to receive love right now?

You may be familiar with the 5 love languages, but if not, most people tend to give or experience love through five different actions: Gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. When we feel love for our partner, we tend to show that love through our *own* love language. For example, if you are a physically affectionate person (physical touch) and you feel a lot of love for your partner, you may go up to them and give them a hug and a kiss.

But if your partner tends to prefer a different love language, such as acts of service, they may want you to cook them a meal or help them clean the kitchen. So, during moments where you want to show your partner love, a great question is to ask them “how would you like to receive love at this moment?” Not only will your partner appreciate that message, but you may learn more about the best way that you can show them love – in way they want to receive it. 

  • If I asked you to plan an entire day for us together and I couldn’t say no to anything, what would you want to do? Walk me through the day.

While it’s true that this question is likely to lead to a lot of frisky and possibly humorous answers, it also has the potential to be very revealing. Often, there is information hidden in your partner’s answer that can help you understand more about who they are and how you can work on your relationship.

For example, your partner may suggest things like watching a movie together, or visiting a winery. These may indicate activities that they have wanted to share with you that you may not typically be interested in. They may also tell you something like “sit quietly together and watch the sunset,” which may indicate they’re looking for more romantic moments, or they may say “have you take the kids out while I sleep” which may indicate they are stressed or could use some alone time. 

Even if their entire answer is filled with references to more physical intimacy, or jokes like “dress as clowns and hand out lemons,” it may still indicate something they feel is missing (for example, they’re feeling like they need more physical affection, or they want to have more goofy fun with you). 

Give a little bit of grace, as not everyone will have a thoughtful answer, but know that even within the jokes there is often something you can learn.

  • Is there anything you’ve been holding on to that I can apologize for?

One of the challenges that many relationships face is the buildup of resentment. No matter how well we communicate with our partner, it’s not uncommon to find that we do not feel safe to share our frustrations, concerns, or triggers, because we do not want these conversations to end up as fights.

Sometimes, especially when you’re feeling ready to listen, it helps to give your partner a prompt that allows them to share those feelings now – before they start to fester and grow into a more significant problem in the future.

Help Moving Forward with Couples Counseling in NYC

Each of these questions can provide you with an opportunity to grow as a couple. But even the most “successful” couples find that they could still use additional support. Couples counseling is a great way to get that help, providing a judgment-free space for you and your partner to talk openly, be vulnerable, and learn how to grow in your relationship. Contact us today to learn more.

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