One of the ways that we find contentment in today’s world is to set goals for ourselves and, ideally, achieve them. We try to make some specific amount of money, or visit a specific country, or read a specific number of books. Goal setting may even be part of therapy, as we work together to find and create goals that make sense for your core values.
Goal setting is both admirable and important, and giving up on goals or failing to complete them can be a source of unhappiness. But one issue that can arise is believing that the goals we create now are critical for our happiness in the future. Goals are important, yet what is also important is adaptability to the changes in where we are in life, who we are in life, and what we really need to be happy.
Our Goals and Our Lives Change with the Seasons
When you were a child, you wanted to grow up and be an astronaut or a fireman or the President of the United States. At the time, even without realizing it, you set a goal. Then you grew up. Life taught you more about who you are and what you wanted to achieve based on your life experience.
We look back on our childhood and we know that times change. The dreams we had as kids are (probably) not within our reach, and we are not the same person that we were in our youth. But, as we become adults, many of us start to think that the goals we have now should be treated as some type of necessity. Now that we’re adults, we start to convince ourselves that this is who we are, and our goals now are the only goals we’ll have that will make us happy.
The truth is that we are always changing. For example, in our college years, we may have been focused on finding a job that made us more money. Then we got a job and our goals could have changed to something like having children or spending more time with our families. Our life changes all the time. Our goals need to be able to change with it.
Seeing and Assessing Our Personal Goals
Our life goals are not meant to be static. They change regularly, even if you do not achieve the goals that you originally set. We are always growing and changing, and while we may still hold on to some of the goals and dreams we had in the past, we also need to be willing to reflect on who we are and what we really need to be happy. If we hold onto our past dreams, and do not look at what will make us happy in the now, then we’re going to miss out on opportunities to make ourselves happier that are more in line with who we are in the moment.
So while we should have goals, and we should work hard towards those goals, it is also very important to remember that our goals can change as our circumstances do. There is nothing wrong with seeing our goals as temporary – writing them with a pencil, and not a pen – and reviewing where we are now and what we really want to achieve. If you need help with achieving your goals, contact Flourish Psychology, today.
Many of us have moments or experiences in our lives that deeply affect us on an emotional and psychological level. Traumas are traditionally defined as an emotional response to a “terrible” experience, such as violence, assault, or natural disaster.
But we now know that that is not exactly the case. While there are certainly levels to trauma, a person’s trauma is intensely personal and affected by factors that are not necessarily directly connected to any objective measurement of “terrible.” A person can be traumatized by a car accident, an illness, or a sexual assault.
A person can also experience trauma because of an upsetting parental experience, a scare, or witnessing the trauma of others. When we’re young, our childhood can involve many experiences we grow up to find personally traumatic, simply because at a young age we’re learning how to process the world.
Trauma is Not a Competition
One of the reasons that it is important to understand that many events and experiences can be traumas is because there are many people that struggle with the traumas of their past but refuse to get help because they don’t feel their traumas are “as bad as what other people have gone through.” We see this often, where someone is affected by a critical event in their past, but sees it as minor compared to other events that are considered more objectively “bad.”
But in the mental health world, we do not judge things based on how bad they are to others. We examine how much these issues affect you. For us, a trauma that was “only” few hurtful words you experienced in your childhood still matters a great deal if they continue to affect your self-esteem, confidence, happiness, relationships, or any other component in your life, just as we would care about any trauma you experienced.
There is no value in trying to convince yourself that your traumas are “not as bad as others.” What matters is bringing out the best version of you that we can. If a trauma of any kind has been affecting you, or you have life events that have left a strong negative impact on your life – even if you do not describe them as traumas – then you deserve to receive some form of psychotherapy to help you address and identify these concerns and experiences.
Therapy for Trauma in NYC and Beyond
You’re worth more than you think, and our role as therapists is to help you discover this worth. Part of recognizing your value and how important your mental health is comes from understanding that there is no value in comparing your traumas and your experiences with the experiences of others. What matters is you. A person can be more traumatized by something small, like an upsetting experience with their dad as a child, as they can be with war, depending on the individual.
If you’re experiencing trauma, PTSD, or any issues related to your experiences of your past that have stuck with you in a negative way, contact Flourish Psychology today to talk about it and learn to work through it.
Life is so busy. Most of us are working full time, commuting, managing family obligations, and on and on, taking up our time and making it difficult to take back control of the day.
We also have goals for ourselves that will improve our quality of life, our happiness, our health, and more. But when the days get busy, it’s so hard to set aside any time to achieve these goals.
Eliminating and Replacing the “Time Sucks”
One of the first things that we notice, however, is that the truth is a bit more complicated. It is not always that we do not have time. It is often that we prioritize things that are not productive to our day. Easily the #1 example of a “time suck” (an activity that dramatically reduces the amount of time we have in the day) is the time we spend on our phones. The average person spends 3 hours and 15 minutes on their phone every day. That is roughly an entire day (24 hours) on our phone every week.
Yes, of course, if you lose an entire day a week to your phones, you’re not going to have much time to do your daily activities. The reality is that you’re losing even more than that, because most people are only awake 16 hours of the day. So, you’re really losing almost 2 full days out of a 7 day week browsing your phone.
Of course, that is not the only “time suck” we have in any given day. We waste time on commuting, or on unnecessary errands, or on working longer than we need to work just to make things perfect. We may also find ourselves watching TV shows we barely enjoy, or “vegging” on the couch for longer than we need to. Yes, our days are stressful, and many of these provide an escape. But an escape that adds additional stress is not really an escape at all.
Getting Your Time Back
It is for these reasons that we need to make an effort to reclaim our time and use it on our goals. We can do this in a variety of ways:
Eliminating the Time Wasting Activities – See if your phone offers limits, or delete any apps that waste time. Most social media apps, for example, can be safely deleted without it affecting your personal and social life. You can keep your profile, even check it once in a while on your computer, but removing it off your phone can help. For non-phone related time wasting activities, set reminders (using your phone for this one purpose) that tell you to stop what you’re doing and focus on your goals instead.
Make Your Goals Public – It’s one thing to eliminate time wasting activities, but it is quite another to replace them with activities that help you achieve your goals. One effective way to do this is to put your goals in a prominent place in the house so that you’re always reminded of them, and then make sure that you set a plan to knock out different activities every day. Doing so also helps fulfill that sense of satisfaction that can fuel you to reach your goals even more.
We are busier than ever before. But, for most of us, there IS time available to help us achieve the things that we want to achieve. Look at your life and figure out where your “Time Sucks” are, and then make every effort you can to cut them out and replace them with more fulfilling activities.
At this stage in our lives, most of us recognize that phone addictions exist. We also may know, or at least feel, like we might have one. Phones can typically keep track of how many hours they’re used. If that number is more than 2+ hours every day on average and not just for work, chances are you’re already struggling with one.
Phone addiction itself can be a problem:
It interferes with relationships.
It makes it more difficult for us to reach our goals.
It can make life more stressful.
It can take away our sleep.
But that alone is only part of the problem. The actions that you’re taking on your phone can also create challenges. Especially, if you’re like most people, a considerable chunk of that time is being spent on social media.
What Social Media Can Do to Your Mental Health
Social media is immensely damaging to our mental health. While its aims to keep people connected are admirable and have their place, social media itself is essentially designed around behaviors that increase mental health challenges, such as:
Anxiety – Posting something creates anxiety over the frequency of interactions, and can also cause you to feel anxiety about yourself and others.
Depression – Many people find they compare their lives to others based on what they see in the other person’s social media posts.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – While social media isn’t necessarily a sign of OCD, it does have elements that resemble OCD, such as obsessive thoughts and checking behavior (for example, checking back to see if someone liked a post).
Another issue that comes up is perfectionism. When we post something publicly, especially if it is about ourselves, it is not uncommon to feel like everything has to be perfect. We have to look perfect. We have to sound perfect. We also measure ourselves (intentionally or unintentionally) and set our worth based on the interactions and feedback we receive from what we post. We also view what others put out there, and subconsciously compare ourselves to what others are posting.
Seeing Phone Addiction as a Mental Health Issue
Phone addiction may not sound like something that is treated by a therapist. But phone addiction itself is still an addiction, and the effects of that addiction (including perfectionism, depression, anxiety, and more) are all mental health issues that benefit from psychological treatment.
At Flourish Psychology, we are here to support your overall wellness and help you become and embrace the person you are in a way that is healthier and happier. If you would like to learn more about our therapy for perfectionism, addiction, and more, please contact our team today. We are based in Brooklyn and NYC, but licensed to provide therapy in more than 30 states.
Introduction to EMDR and Chronic Pain at Flourish Psychology
The relationship between physical health and mental well-being is complex and multi-faceted. While advancements in medical technology have made diagnosing and treating various physical ailments more straightforward, the connection between psychological factors and chronic physical pain is something we are still in the process of discovering.
We know now that chronic pain – while it might be physical in nature – both affects and is affected by mental health. That’s why many people see therapists for chronic pain, as a way to get treatment for this potentially difficult mental health condition.
One treatment that therapists might choose to consider is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a psychotherapeutic technique primarily associated with treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EMDR has emerged as a promising avenue for addressing chronic pain.
The Relationship Between Chronic Pain and Mental Health
Chronic pain is typically defined as pain that persists for more than 12 weeks, despite medication or treatment. It’s a condition that affects millions of people worldwide and can have a debilitating effect on daily activities, work, and overall quality of life. But beyond the physical aspect, chronic pain often has a significant impact on mental health.
Some of the psychological damage of chronic pain can include:
Emotional Toll – Chronic pain is not just a physical condition; it’s a full-body experience that influences emotional well-being. The constant pain can result in emotional stress, leading to conditions such as anxiety and depression.
Cognitive Impact – Over time, chronic pain can affect cognitive functions such as memory and concentration. This can stem from both the distraction of dealing with the pain and the emotional toll it takes.
Social Ramifications – Chronic pain can lead to social withdrawal and isolation, affecting interpersonal relationships. The cycle of pain and isolation can create a feedback loop that exacerbates both physical and emotional suffering.
The link between mental health and chronic pain can be bidirectional. Not only does chronic pain contribute to mental health disorders, but pre-existing mental health conditions can also exacerbate the pain. Stress, anxiety, and depression can heighten the perception of pain and make pain management more difficult. This complicated interplay between mind and body creates a need for an integrated approach to treatment, which considers both physical and psychological components.
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. Initially created to treat individuals with PTSD, EMDR has since been applied to various other conditions, including anxiety disorders, depression, and most recently, chronic pain. Some of the core principles of EMDR include:
Bilateral Stimulation – The most distinguishing feature of EMDR is the use of bilateral stimulation, often in the form of guided eye movements. This stimulation is thought to activate both hemispheres of the brain, facilitating the reprocessing of traumatic or troubling memories.
Desensitization and Reprocessing – EMDR works by helping individuals desensitize their emotional responses to painful memories or experiences. The bilateral stimulation aids in reprocessing these memories, allowing individuals to integrate them more adaptively.
Phases of Treatment – EMDR is structured around eight phases, beginning with history-taking, progressing through the preparation, assessment, desensitization, installation, body scan, closure, and finally, reevaluation. Each phase has its purpose and helps the individual move toward psychological healing.
While EMDR was not initially designed for chronic pain management, its mechanisms offer an intriguing possibility for treating both the psychological and physical components of chronic pain. The process of desensitization and reprocessing can help break the cycle of pain and emotional suffering, providing relief on multiple fronts.
How EMDR Can Treat Chronic Pain
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is steadily gaining recognition as a viable treatment for chronic pain, albeit one that operates differently from conventional medical interventions. It’s crucial to understand that while EMDR may not “cure” the physical causes of chronic pain, its psychological approach can often make the pain more manageable and less debilitating.
With EMDR for chronic pain, we take an approach that includes:
Identifying Triggers – Often, chronic pain is associated with specific triggers that can be either physical or psychological. EMDR begins by identifying these triggers as the “target” memories or experiences.
Desensitization – The core of the EMDR process is desensitization, where patients are encouraged to confront these memories or experiences in a controlled environment. The use of bilateral stimulation helps in restructuring the emotional response associated with these memories.
Reprocessing – Post-desensitization, the reprocessing phase encourages the individual to integrate the now-neutral memories, altering their response to pain triggers in the future.
The mind-body connection is essential in understanding how EMDR provides relief from chronic pain. By reducing psychological stress and emotional distress related to pain, individuals often report a correlating decrease in physical symptoms.
Limitations and Considerations
While EMDR has shown promise, it is essential to note that it’s not a standalone treatment for all kinds of chronic pain. It’s most effective when used as part of a multi-disciplinary approach that may include medication, physical therapy, and other forms of psychotherapy when warranted. Working with your therapist, we’ll look at what makes the most sense for your wellness and recovery.
Psychotherapy Alternatives to EDMR for Chronic Pain
EMDR is just one of the various psychotherapeutic interventions available for treating chronic pain. Other alternatives include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – This is one of the most widely used psychotherapy methods for pain management. CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to chronic pain.
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) – This approach combines mindfulness meditation and yoga to help people become more aware of their thoughts and feelings and make it easier to manage their pain.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – ACT helps individuals accept their pain and commit to actions that improve their quality of life despite the pain.
Each of these therapies has its merits, and sometimes, a combination approach yields the best results. Consult your healthcare provider to assess which treatment options are most suitable for your specific condition.
Chronic Pain Treatment with EDMR at Flourish Psychology
Chronic pain is a complex condition that calls for an equally multifaceted treatment approach. While medications and physical interventions remain essential, the potential for psychotherapeutic treatments like EMDR cannot be overlooked. EMDR offers a unique way to manage the psychological aspects of chronic pain, thereby reducing the physical symptoms.
Although EMDR is still a growing field in the context of chronic pain, early evidence suggests it can provide meaningful relief to those grappling with the debilitating effects of chronic conditions. As our understanding of the mind-body connection continues to evolve, treatments like EMDR stand to become increasingly integral to comprehensive chronic pain management strategies.
Given the complexity of chronic pain and the limitations of any single treatment approach, EMDR is most effective when used in conjunction with other therapies. If you’re experiencing chronic pain, contact Flourish Psychology in NYC to create a balanced, tailored treatment regimen that addresses both the physical and psychological aspects of your condition.
We are also licensed in more than 30 states. Please review our locations page if you’re outside of the Brooklyn and New York City area.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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