Successful relationships are a partnership AND made up of two unique individuals. You want to feel connected to another person, but you also want to make sure that you have your own independence, and that you’re willing to speak up for yourself, attend to your needs, engage independently in activities that appeal to you, and more.
Many people struggle with this balance, especially when it comes to what’s called “Codependency” – an extreme emotional and psychological reliance on a partner that makes it more difficult for one or both partners to have a mutually content relationship.
Some degree of partner reliance is often healthy. But too much can push a partner away, make it difficult to function properly, and so much more.
The problem is that many people struggle to identify when they’re the ones with codependency issues. How do you know the difference between healthy reliance on a partner, and co-dependency issues that may hurt your mental health and your relationship?
Signs of Codependency in Yourself
It’s okay to love your partner. It’s okay to feel emotionally connected to them. But pay attention to signs of codependency that may indicate that you are having issues with codependency, and know when to seek help. For example:
Trouble Saying No – If you have a difficult time saying no to your partner’s needs and wants, even at the expense of your happiness.
Behavioral Monitoring – If you’re paying too much attention to how your partner feels and trying to reach in ways to make them happy or avoid conflict.
Fearing Abandonment – If you alter your behaviors, even if they hurt you, because you’re worried about your partner leaving.
Guilt from Self-Care – If you feel especially guilty or anxious about engaging in any self-care activities.
Identity Loss – If you give up everything that made you who you are in order to appease the needs of someone else.
Emotionally Exhausted and Overwhelmed – If you’re frequently feeling exhausted or overwhelmed from the work you put in to making a partner satisfied.
Low Self Esteem – If you have low self-worth, especially if it appears to be tied to how you see yourself in the relationship.
Problem Solver – If you are constantly trying to solve problems for someone else and make life easier for them, without expecting them to put in the work.
These are only some of the signs that a person may be struggling with codependency. Your relationship should lift you up, be mutually beneficial, provide you with confidence in yourself and the future, and be with someone that is there to help you with your needs. If you find that you’re not in this type of relationship, but you have significant dependence on your partner, that may be codependency.
What Happens Next?
If you believe that this describes you and your experience, typically it is something you address in psychotherapy. Often, this type of dependency comes from other sources, such as abandonment issues in youth, low self-esteem, abuse, and more.
If you are concerned, or you simply want to make your experience in relationships better, please reach out to Flourish Psychology today.
Some people are easily affected by what they see on social media. They’re prone to believing the things that they see online, and they allow it to affect their view of the world.
For example, a teenager may see a series of videos of ornate ways that other teenagers ask people to prom. They may then expect that all teenagers are/should be asked out in this way, and find themselves disappointed when their date, partner, or friend doesn’t put in the same level of effort.
Or, perhaps you see a video on a new shoe, or a new cream, or a new slang term, and you immediately buy the shoe or try the cream or use the slang term. Those are examples of a person that followers influencers and is also easily influenced by them.
That is its own separate challenge. Some people are more susceptible to this type of influence than others.
But what if you’re not *that* easily influenced?
What if you know for a fact that you’re not really someone that buys what influencers recommend you buy? You’re interested in what they have to say, but it doesn’t drive your purchase behavior. You’re “uninfluenceable.”
Or are you?
The truth is following influencers and being on social media frequently do affect behavior, even if you think you’re immune, Because, even if you don’t feel like you’re prone to buying products you see online, you can still be influenced by simply following these topics:
Increasing Interests – People that follow a lot of interior designers may not buy the products they offer, but the more their algorithm shows them interior designers, the more they look at their own home and feel they need a change. This is true about videos of sports cards, purses, face creams, even movies. People that see anime clips are more likely to watch more anime. People that see videos about dresses are going to be more likely to buy dresses.
Decreasing Feelings of Self-Worth – Similarly, the opposite holds true as well. A person that follows interior designers, for example, is going to start to think less of their home as they see that it doesn’t compare to the ones they see online. A person that follows people that sell or discuss purses is going to look at their own purses and feel like it’s not good enough. These are natural emotions to surrounding yourself with videos of things you see as better.
Branding – You may believe that you’re not easily influenced, but branding science is very real and extensively researched. If you see a brand, or you see a product, and you run into that product/brand again in your travels, you are more likely to use it. In your mind, you’re not being “influenced,” because you’re coming to the conclusion yourself. But your curiosity and desire to even consider the product because you saw it before indicates that you’ve been influenced against your will.
Unrealistic Expectations – Most people that spend a lot of time online think that the average person makes over $100,000 a year. They think that the average person owns a home. They think that the average person should be able to travel comfortably and often. All of these things are not true, but social media can change the reality that we have without us knowing simply because of what we saw online.
Imagine you’re following a beauty influencer. They show you all sorts of products – creams, lotions, makeup, and more. You decide not to use any of them. But then they show you a lipstick in a color you adore, so you buy it.
In your mind, it wasn’t being influenced, because you didn’t buy it “because the other person told you to.” But in a way, you did, because their recommendation excited you about that particular product.
Similarly, imagine you’re following people that teach basketball skills. You start to feel worse about how bad you are at basketball, and get motivated to try to be better. In a way, that’s good – you’re out there, improving a skill, getting healthy – but before that, you were feeling worse about yourself as a result of what you’re seeing online.
Either way, you’re still being influenced in ways that can harm your budget and your mental health, simply by spending time getting influenced by various social media algorithms.
No One is Immune to Influence
Whether we want things we didn’t want before, feel worse about ourselves, or expect impossible things from others, social media does have an affect on how we think and feel. The more things and people we follow, the more they directly and indirectly influence us, even if we generally consider ourselves to be not so easily influenced.
Either way, whether it’s learning to be free of social media or teaching ourselves to love ourselves more, it’s important to understand how and why our time on social media affects us, whether you’re the one being influenced or the influencer.
Anxiety is a mental health disorder. But it also causes a wide range of physical symptoms. Most of us have an understanding that when we’re anxious, we expect to feel sweaty, have a rapid heartbeat, feel light headed, and more. If you have panic attacks, this is even more pronounced, with chest pains, muscle weakness, and a wide variety of other symptoms.
Many of these symptoms, specially for those that have anxiety attacks, are caused not directly by anxiety itself but by the hyperventilation that anxiety triggers. Anxiety makes you breathe faster. As you breathe faster and more shallow (meaning, less full breaths). Typically, you breathe in, your body takes the oxygen and starts converting it to carbon dioxide, and then you expel it.
But when you hyperventilate, this causes you to expel more CO2 before your body has a chance to create more of it. Your body needs CO2 to operate efficiently, and when it doesn’t have that, your heart beats harder, you feel more lightheaded, and your anxiety symptoms get significantly worse.
Now, the most important takeaway of this is that the primary cause is too much oxygen and too little carbon dioxide, because your body isn’t creating it fast enough to account for how quickly you’re breathing it out.
But hyperventilation also causes one confusing symptom that can make anxiety much worse.
It also causes a feeling as though you’re not getting enough *oxygen*.
When you hyperventilate, you feel like you’re not breathing enough – like you’re not getting enough air. As a result, you either breathe faster or try to breathe bigger (like yawning) to try to get more oxygen in your system.
The result?
You make hyperventilation worse, which in turn makes your anxiety symptoms worse. One of the reasons that panic attacks can be so severe is that, during the attack, a person is typically trying as hard as they can to get more air all while they need to try to make more carbon dioxide. The symptoms get progressively more severe until they peak.
How to Address This Confusing Symptom
Psychotherapy is the best way to address anxiety and panic disorder, but a part of the psychotherapy process is education. The more you know and understand about panic disorder and its symptoms, the easier it becomes to try to prevent more significant attacks.
This is why part of treatment is education, and in this case, educating you specifically on this symptom – the idea that you are going to need to fight the urge to take deeper breaths, and instead remember to slow down your breathing (and even hold your breath!) could help reduce the severity of your symptoms dramatically.
Now, slowing down your breathing is unlikely to stop a panic attack that has already started. But the less severe your symptoms, the easier it becomes to feel emboldened to treat your panic attacks and anxiety. At Flourish Psychology, we want to be there for those that are struggling and help them with the next steps of bringing their anxiety under control. If you need help for yourself or a loved one, please reach out to our team, today.
Human beings are social animals. We need and crave connection with others, and benefit from feeling this connection on a deep level. It’s known in the world of psychology as “social support,” and it’s directly connected to us living longer and happier lives. The simple act of feeling closely connected to others can add years to your lifespan.
That social support can also be a tool that can be used to address psychological challenges, including some that are directly connected to the development of social support, such as social anxiety. As a result, it can be useful for people struggling with anxiety to deeply embrace their friendships, and use that as a way to help them overcome their mental health issues.
NOTE: Of course, one of the challenges of having social anxiety is that it can make it difficult to find and maintain friendships. We’ll address that later. But many people with social anxiety do have *some* friends, maybe one or two. We’re going to talk more about the benefits of maintaining those friendships, before discussing alternative steps.
About Friends and Confidence
One of the most powerful tools that we have to feel more confident around others is a deeper feeling of friendship with the individuals that are currently with us.
When we feel as though we have a few very deep, fulfilling, arguably unbreakable friendships, we tend to experience:
Less concern about the opinion of others. When we have issues like social anxiety and public speaking anxiety, we have a tendency to worry about what strangers think and that it might affect our social standing. But if we feel much more confident that we have deep friendships waiting for us, the anxiety that any mistakes will hurt us goes down.
More confident in ourselves. Many studies have shown that we have much more confidence when we have friendships that are truly fulfilling, and that confidence can and will seep into our components of our life, including how we interact with others.
Further social experiences in a stress free setting. It can be hard to talk to strangers. It can be hard to be in crowds. But social experiences are still social experiences. When you have some deep friendships that are really fulfilling, you are less likely to feel concerned about speaking to those individuals. As a result, you have more conversations, learn more social skills, and learn more about yourself – all of which are beneficial for addressing anxiety in other ways.
It gives you people that can introduce you to others and support you while you’re there. Social experiences beget more social experiences. You are more likely to meet more people through your friendships, and also have someone that can go with you to social events to help ease your anxiety while you’re there.
Sometimes, too, when we feel a lot of social anxiety a part of us actually separates ourselves from our close friends because we desire the experience of not having anxiety and of socializing with new people. In a way, it’s as though our anxiety makes us want what we are struggling to have.
But you may want to consider re-embracing those close friendships and building on them. The effects that it can have on your social anxiety – and your personal life – can be fairly pronounced. If you’re looking for something you can do to feel less anxious with public speaking and in social settings, reconnecting and building on your existing friendships can help.
Of course, for some people their anxiety is so severe, they struggle to have these friendships, or they often rethink them and worry that their friends may not truly like them. In these situations, you can try a few things.
First, voice your experience with those friends. Let them know, calmly when you’re not feeling high emotion, that you struggle with this and you are working on it, and want to know if they’re willing to work with you as well. Sometimes that reassurance can be of big benefit. In addition, there are many groups that exist to help you find individual friendships in a less tense setting. Trying to connect with smaller groups can be a good step towards addressing this anxiousness.
Of course, you may find that you still struggle – either you still have social anxiety despite deep friendships with others, or your anxiety is so strong you are struggling to make deep friendships at all. In those types of situations, reaching out to a therapist can help. Find out more about our therapy and mental health services for anxiety at Flourish Psychology.
Trauma can dramatically change not only our life, but the way our brain actually operates. As a result, often times overcoming trauma relies on addressing these cognitive and emotional changes, because only by doing that can you move forward towards a better future.
An example of this is “Alexithymia.” It’s a condition that doesn’t happen to everyone, and is not always caused by trauma, but when it does occur in someone with PTSD it becomes important to address it.
What is Alexithymia?
Alexithymia is a psychological condition characterized by difficulty identifying, expressing, and understanding emotions. Individuals with alexithymia often struggle to describe their feelings, differentiate between emotions and physical sensations, and engage in emotional introspection.
While alexithymia can occur in the general population, research suggests a strong correlation between trauma and the development of alexithymic traits.
Alexithymia is not classified as a mental disorder but rather as a trait or condition that affects emotional processing. It manifests in ways such as:
Difficulty Identifying Emotions – Individuals may struggle to recognize their own emotional states or describe how they feel.
Limited Emotional Expression – They may appear emotionally distant, struggle with verbalizing feelings, or display a restricted range of facial expressions.
Confusion Between Physical and Emotional States – Bodily sensations, such as muscle tension or an upset stomach, may be misinterpreted as purely physical discomfort rather than an emotional response.
Externally Oriented Thinking – A tendency to focus on external events rather than introspecting about emotional experiences.
Trauma, particularly chronic or severe trauma, can play a significant role in the development of alexithymia. This is especially true in cases of childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The connection between trauma and alexithymia is rooted in both neurological and psychological factors.
Neurological Impact of Trauma on Emotional Processing
Trauma affects brain structures involved in emotion regulation, including:
The Amygdala – Responsible for processing emotions, the amygdala may become hyperactive in response to trauma, leading to heightened fear responses while impairing emotional awareness.
The Prefrontal Cortex – Critical for emotional regulation and self-reflection, this area may be underactive in those with trauma, making it harder to process and articulate emotions.
The Corpus Callosum – Trauma, especially in early development, can impact the communication between the brain’s hemispheres, limiting the ability to integrate emotions with rational thought.
When a person experiences severe trauma, the brain may no longer be able to process emotions effectively, and the result is poor emotional processing.
Emotional Suppression as a Coping Mechanism
For individuals who have experienced trauma, particularly childhood emotional neglect or abuse, suppressing emotions may become a learned survival strategy. If emotional expression was met with punishment, rejection, or indifference, the brain adapts by disconnecting from emotional experiences to reduce psychological distress.
Avoidance of Emotional Triggers – Trauma survivors may unconsciously disconnect from their emotions to avoid pain, leading to emotional numbness.
Dissociation – Chronic trauma may result in dissociative tendencies, making it difficult to access emotional states and recognize them as personal experiences.
Hyperarousal and Emotional Overwhelm – Some trauma survivors experience emotions so intensely that they develop a shutdown response, numbing emotions as a form of self-protection.
Some of these issues may also be related to the type of trauma and the age it occurred. Individuals who grow up in environments lacking emotional support may develop alexithymia as a result of insecure attachment styles. When caregivers fail to model emotional recognition or discourage emotional expression, children may struggle to develop emotional awareness in adulthood.
For example, if the person experienced neglect, without consistent emotional validation, individuals may not learn how to recognize or describe their emotions. If they struggled with abuse, fear-driven relationships can create emotional dysregulation, leading to avoidance or suppression of emotions.
Alexithymia and PTSD
Alexithymia is frequently observed in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Studies indicate that trauma survivors with PTSD often exhibit alexithymic traits, which can interfere with traditional talk therapy and emotional processing treatments. This can make trauma recovery more challenging, as individuals may struggle to verbalize distress, engage in self-reflection, or process traumatic memories effectively.
Managing and Treating Alexithymia in Trauma Survivors
While alexithymia can be a barrier to emotional healing, certain approaches can help trauma survivors gradually reconnect with their emotions and develop emotional awareness:
Mindfulness and Body Awareness – Practices such as mindfulness meditation and somatic therapy can help individuals tune into physical sensations linked to emotions.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) – This therapy helps individuals identify and label emotions in a structured, supportive environment.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Can help trauma survivors recognize patterns of emotional avoidance and develop strategies for emotional expression.
Journaling and Expressive Writing – Encouraging structured reflection on experiences can help bridge the gap between thoughts and emotions.
Trauma-Informed Therapy – Therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and somatic experiencing may help address underlying trauma and improve emotional awareness.
For those who have experienced trauma, alexithymia can make emotional healing more complex, but it is not a permanent condition. With the right therapeutic support and strategies, individuals can learn to recognize, process, and express emotions in a way that supports their mental well-being. If you’ve been struggling from trauma, reach out to Flourish Psychology today to speak to one of our therapists and get the help you need.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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