You are who you surround yourself with. That’s a core belief that is passed down from parent to child – that you have to be with the “Right Crowd” in order to be happy and healthy, and that there is a “wrong crowd” that can make you negative or cause trouble.
The idea of a right or wrong crowd is, unfortunately, an often coded term used to denigrate a group of people that someone doesn’t find acceptable to their family. But the idea that you can surround yourself with people that hurt your mental health is absolutely backed by science.
Negative Friends Cause Negative Feelings
If you are someone that struggles with negative thinking, one of the first things to do is examine who you surround yourself with. That is because studies have shown that we are, in many ways, a product of our immediate environment. The people we choose to have close to us in our lives can affect our emotional reactions and our way of seeing the world in many ways:
Emotions Are Contagious – Studies have shown that people that find themselves in the presence of negative people are more likely to feel negatively. There are many studies that show that both positive and negative emotions are contagious, and so negative friends can influence our moods in a negative way.
Self-Perception Changes – Who we surround ourselves with also affects our self-perception – that is, it affect the way we see how we and our friends compare to others. If we are in a group of negative people, we might view others as more positive and accept the identity of negativity.
Poor Social Support – Negative people do not often offer the same level of social support as positive people. This can create an environment where a person doesn’t have the support they need to turn around negative thinking and address their own naturally occurring thoughts.
Reinforced Negative Thinking – Our friends are also responsible for reinforcing the validity of our thoughts. If we thinking negatively about someone or something, and our friends tell us that the negative thinking is valid, then we have the validation we need to continue to think negatively in the future.
Sometimes, the issue is simply relationship satisfaction. If you are with people that think and speak negatively, you may simply just not be very happy. That, in turn, creates an environment where you feel negative more often.
Addressing Mental Health Through Lifestyle Changes
If you have anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition, it is unlikely that “new friends” is going to make a big change. But if you’re looking to make your life better, identifying the behaviors of the people you surround yourself with and acknowledging the effect they may have on you can be a big help.
An important part of treating our mental health is understanding how our behaviors and experiences contribute to worse mental health symptoms.
For example, if you have a fear of spiders, and you purposefully avoid situations that might cause you to see spiders, your fear of spiders gets worse. This is the psychology of avoidance, which we mentioned in a past article. Or, if you have panic attacks, the way you breathe when you have panic disorder can actually trigger future panic attacks.
Our brains are complicated structures that work in equally complicated, often cyclical ways.
We also see this with depression, and one of the most common ways that this manifests is with the relationship between depression and sleep. Depression can cause sleeping issues and, to make matters worse, sleeping issues can cause depression. Understanding this relationship can help you make better decisions in order to help address your depression and also understand why you may feel the way you feel.
How Depression Causes Sleep Issues and Disturbances
Depression itself causes issues with sleep, both quality and frequency. Depression can cause both insomnia (inability to sleep) and hypersomnia (excessive sleep). Some of the scientific findings that relate to depression’s affect on sleep include:
Depression reduces REM sleep and affects how the body goes in and out of sleep stages.
Depression dysregulates melatonin, which his the hormone that regulates sleep/wake cycles.
Depression increases the likelihood of waking up in short bursts during sleep.
Depression reduces deep sleep time.
Depressed people tend to take longer to fall asleep at night.
These are all findings that implicate depression as a cause for possible sleep related problems.
How Sleep Issues Can Contribute to Depression
So, we know that depression can cause sleep issues. But where challenges arise is that science has shown that sleep issues can cause depression. Examples of these findings include:
Sleep deprivation studies have shown that even one night of poor sleep can cause depression-related symptoms, or exacerbate symptoms in those that already have depression.
Sleep disturbances cause abnormalities in regions of the brain that are linked to mood regulation and negative bias, increasing the frequency of negative thinking.
Sleep quality issues can alter the portions of the brain that are responsible for good decision making and stress coping.
Numerous studies have linked poor sleep, chronic insomnia, and a host of sleep issues with the development and maintenance of depression, although exactly how they are linked is not always clear. Nevertheless, it is clear that sleep issues can both cause depression and increase depression related symptoms.
Breaking the Poor Sleep/Depression Cycle
Sleep is not the only cause of depression, nor is depression the only cause of poor sleep. But the cyclical nature of the two – where poor sleep leads to depression and depression leads to poor sleep – is still very important for those with depression to recognize and understand, as they can help explain symptoms and experiences, and also help improve decision making about when to rest.
This is one of many examples of the ways that our mental health is more complicated than many of us believe. It is also why, by treating depression, we can improve our sleep quality which may also improve or depression. If you feel like you’ve been down or sad, reach out to a therapist and start receiving the support you need to improve your mental health.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, known as the DSM (in this case, the DSM-V), is a manual that psychologists and therapists are meant to use to guide patient care. It provides therapists and patients with a diagnosis – for example, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder,” that, once identified, helps guide treatment.
But there are issues with the idea of using diagnoses at all.
For one, every person is different. While many conditions present in very similar ways, there are situations where two people experience similar symptoms, but one qualifies for a diagnosis and the other does not, or may qualify for something else. Treatments are also very individual based, and may need to change based on how the person responds to questions.
There are also issues with patients that adopt their diagnosis as an identity. Some clients actually feel their symptoms get worse when someone tells them that they have a specific condition. There are many, many reasons that diagnoses can actually be problematic.
Today, we’re going to talk about another one.
Does a Diagnosis Even Matter?
Most people are familiar with depression. Depression is one of the most common and most challenging mental health conditions. Living with depression can be extremely difficult, and the sooner you seek treatment, the better the outcome will be. There are different forms of depression, such as chronic depression and major depressive disorder, and each one has its own diagnostic criteria.
But what many people do not know is that, to qualify for a diagnosis of chronic depression, a patient has to exhibit clinical symptoms for at least 2 years. This means that, if you’ve only experienced depression for 1.5 years – even if you have all the same symptoms – you do not qualify for a diagnosis.
There are many valid reasons for this, and maybe we can discuss them in a different article. But there are also drawbacks. If a client has all the symptoms of chronic depression, but hasn’t yet hit the criteria, a therapist may still determine that they would benefit from a treatment that targets chronic depression. The diagnosis may not matter.
Similarly, therapy and counseling are designed to make your life better and address areas of concern. They do not require a diagnosis to be helpful, nor are they only designed to treat the diagnostic conditions. Imagine if you have other issues:
Worried About the Future of Your Career in an AI Obsessed World?
Stressed About Parenting?
Feeling Sad About Losing a Pet?
If you are relying on a diagnosis, you may not qualify for a treatment, as these are not necessarily mental health disorders. But these are still issues that affect your quality of life, and therapy is also capable of addressing these very same issues. That is why many people see their therapists for years. It is not just about getting a diagnosis, but, rather, trying to make sure that your overall quality of life is better.
We see this with disordered eating as well. “Orthorexia” is a term that describes an obsession with healthy eating that can actually make a person unhealthy or preoccupied in a way that affects their quality of life. Most eating disorder therapists, including our team here at Flourish Psychology, recognize and understand that it is a very real condition. But it is not currently included in the DSM-V, and would thus not qualify as a condition that can be diagnosed according to that manual.
Treatment Regardless of a Diagnosis
One of the reasons that we’ve chosen to be a cash-only private practice is because we do not believe that diagnoses should be required to seek treatment. Insurance companies frequently require a diagnosis, and may refuse payment if no diagnosis is given or stop treatment if the psychologists believe the patient is no longer struggling. They also require that anything that is diagnosed be reported, and become a part of a person’s permanent medical record.
Diagnoses are extremely helpful. We study them extensively in graduate school, and we learn how to treat them. They are also limiting and cause problems for both patients and practitioners. If you feel like you might benefit from a therapist, it is always beneficial to seek help. Do not worry about if you have a diagnosis. Instead, embrace the idea that you can have someone on your team to help you improve your overall quality of life.
Human beings are social animals. Research quite literally shows that we need interaction with other human beings in order to survive. Our life, our health, and our happiness are all directly connected to our ability to communicate and socialize with others.
Still, many of us also struggle with social anxieties. While not everyone may have social anxiety that qualifies as a mental health diagnosis, we can still have fears, anxiousness, and shyness in social situations.
Motivation for Feeling Social Anxiety and Fear
Social phobia can have many different causes and symptoms, and has been linked to issues like trauma, bullying, and other past experiences. One of the most common symptoms of social anxiety is a fear of being judged, and a fear of making a mistake in a way that hurts their social standing.
In psychotherapy treatments for social anxiety, like CBT, one way that we try to help address social phobia is to reframe the way you see and approach different situations. The fear of being judged is a perfect example of this. We often feel like, when we stumble within a conversation, that the person on the other end is making fun of us or thinking about how much we made a mistake.
But, when you leave a conversation, how much time do you spend thinking about all the mistakes *someone else* made? How much time do you spend thinking about and judging other people for their fumbles?
Most likely, you don’t think about other people’s mistakes at all.
The truth is that most people do not spend time thinking about you. Most people do not spend much time thinking about anyone but themselves. We all live very busy lives with our own stresses and distractions. We have our own family to worry about. We have dozens of conversations throughout the day. Most people simply do not have the time and energy to spend thinking about every little mistake you made.
And that’s a good thing.
Part of our social anxieties come from feeling like other people care about us enough to talk about us and think about us all throughout the day. But other people are not thinking about us at all. Even in situations where we do truly and objectively do or say something embarrassing, most people have too much going on in their lives and their own needs/desires to focus on anyone but themselves.
Other People Care About You – But Not That Way
Other people do care about you. They care that you’re happy. They care that you have your needs met. They care if you tell them that you got a new job and they care if you tell them you lost a family member.
But very few people have the time or energy to care about small conversational mistakes or inappropriate verbal responses. They don’t care about your facial tics or your bad jokes. There’s very little that any person can do that can cause someone else to focus and think about them all throughout the day.
So the next time that you find yourself worried about being judged, remember how little energy other people have to spend thinking about your mistakes. We all have our own stresses to worry about.
Yes, men can get postpartum depression. It may not even be uncommon. As many as 10% of new fathers have indicated that they’ve felt some degree of post-partum depression, and there are reasons to believe that this could be a massive undercount.
Postpartum depression is often viewed as a disorder that only affects women and other child bearing adults. It is attributed to many factors, most notably hormonal changes, breastfeeding, and difficulty adjusting to life post-labor. All three of those issues do not typically affect men (and other non-childbearing partners), and so the idea that postpartum depression can occur in men is often ignored.
But the reality is that postpartum depression can absolutely affect men for a variety of reasons, and it may be helpful to know that a therapist can support you as you try to navigate these changes. If you need to talk to someone today, call Flourish Psychology in NYC.
What Causes Postpartum Depression in Men?
Actual Experience:
“When I had my first son, I expected to feel elated. But he just didn’t feel like mine. He didn’t look like me. He didn’t feel familiar. It felt like I was caring for someone else’s child. I loved him, and he was a beautiful baby, but I expected to feel instantly connected and, when I didn’t, I felt extremely low in a way that lasted the first few months after his birth.”
Ppstpartum depression does not have a single cause. It is typically a mix of different issues that can all affect both partners. Some of the many issues that lead to postpartum depression include:
Lack of sleep
Difficulty managing the transitions.
Past trauma about child rearing
Struggles bonding with the baby (also may be a symptom)
Adjustments to life.
Arguments and frustrations in the relationship.
Fears over the baby’s health/wellness.
Confusion over the baby’s needs.
Envision any new parent that is waking up every 2 hours to feed and change diapers, hears a screaming child all night, and is bombarded by phone calls and visitors all while they cannot spend any romantic or calm moments with their partner. Lack of sleep alone has been linked to depression. Combine that with all these other emotions and it’s easy to envision how both partners can develop these PPD symptoms.
In addition, men are less likely to have an immediate bond with the child (likely due to hormonal differences and not carrying the baby for 9 months), are typically not given much support by friends and family, and are not always raised to know how to transition to childcare with ease.
Women have a higher risk for postpartum depression for a variety of very valid reasons, but it is also easy to see how and why PPD can affect men as well.
How is Postpartum Depression in Men Treated?
Postpartum depression is a unique mental health struggle. For many men, PPD goes away on its own over time. But many others experience some of the effects of PPD for weeks, months, or even years. In addition, the behavioral effects of PPD can last for a long time, even without realizing it. Adjusting to parenting a newborn can change how a father acts if he feels disconnected in those early stages.
Therapy can help. But rather than see it as therapy for PPD, it should be viewed as therapy for transitions, parental stress, trauma recovery, relationship health, and more – a more encompassing approach that will help parents throughout the transition to parenthood.
Because postpartum depression is not just about having a baby, men that engage in more ongoing therapy to get a better handle on the issues that can affect parenthood – and just being an adult in today’s world – are more likely to have the long term benefits that many men have been searching for.
It can be difficult to seek help. But if you feel like you are or have been struggling with male postpartum depression in Brooklyn or anywhere in New York City, contact Flourish Psychology.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
Manage Consent
By clicking “Accept”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
