Much of our communication in our relationships comes before we’ve said a single word. We often have conversations and arguments in our minds and expectations about how a specific experience will go if it doesn’t happen the way the partner expects.
In couples counseling, one of the phrases we hear most that relates to this is the feeling that you are “walking on eggshells.” This phrase can be incredibly revealing about the relationship, and a sign that there are communication issues that need to be addressed.
What is “Walking on Eggshells?”
The exact origin of the phrase “to walk on eggshells” is unknown. But when we use that phrase, we’re typically describing a situation where we feel if we make one wrong move, and if we’re not cautious, our partner is going to respond in a negative way.
For a marriage to get to a place where one or both partners feel they’re walking on eggshells, it typically means there have been communication issues for quite some time:
They may be quick to argue.
They may feel they are treated unfairly.
They may believe that their partner sees them as a failure.
Often, if at least one partner says they’re walking on eggshells, it can indicate a lot about the state of the relationship. Not only does it make it sounds as though at least one partner feels like there is a lot of criticism – it also means that the partner that feels they’re “on eggshells” is already upset at their partner for a slight that hasn’t happened yet.
What We Mean By Communication in Couples Counseling
“Communication” is an often misunderstood term in couples counseling. Many assume we’re talking only about what you both say to each other, and whether or not you talk about your problems. Communication is much more than that. It’s how you talk. It’s what you don’t say. It’s body language. It’s how you feel when you talk. It’s even about what you’re saying in your mind when your partner is not even in the room.
What we work on in NYC couples counseling is this idea that a marriage is made up of two people, both of whom are trying to figure out how to be understood by their partner. During couples counseling sessions, if a partner says that they feel they’re walking on eggshells, we may ask both of you questions about your tone, your eye contact, your frustration levels, and any factors that affect your ability to communicate.
We want to help you reach a point where you both can share your feelings and needs with each other, and know that you’re being heard. We also want you to be able to hear your partner, as there are often uncommunicated needs and feelings that lead to this “walking on eggshells” feeling. If you’d like to learn more about our Brooklyn couples therapy services, please call Flourish Psychology, today.
Flourish Psychology Provides Emergency Marriage Counseling in Brooklyn and Throughout NYC for Couples on the Brink of Divorce
Flourish Psychology has a team of experienced marriage counselors in NYC, available for emergency help if you feel like your marriage is in need of immediate support. We help all types of couples, including those dating, married, LGBTQ+, and non-traditional, schedule in emergency couples counseling and marriage therapy right away. Learn more by calling us at 917-737-9475 to schedule your appointment.
Scheduling for Emergency Couples Counseling in Brooklyn and NYC
Couples counseling is a service for all couples in any stage of their relationship. It offers ideas and solutions for growing and strengthening your marriage, teaching valuable skills that will improve your communication, trust, happiness, and more.
Yet, our NYC couples counseling services are most commonly used by those in relationships that are struggling. Many people turn to marriage counseling when they are on the brink of divorce, or their relationship is nearing an end. This may be due to situations that include:
Infidelity
Big Arguments
Unresolved Conflicts
These are situations when it is important to get help fast, with marriage counseling in NYC designed to provide you with the support you both need to move forward from the urgent challenges you face.
Can All Relationships Be Saved?
Marriage counseling is not a magic formula. Not all relationships can succeed. Our goal, as Brooklyn marriage counselors, is to guide you towards the outcome that is as emotionally healthy for you both moving forward as possible, able to talk through any issues you may have and figure out what the best way forward may be for your future.
No matter where you both choose to end up, it is important to ensure that you’re in the process of healing together with mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Many marriages can be saved with couples counseling. Many others move forward in a way that is healthier and less emotionally charged.
Do You Need Emergency Couples Counseling in NYC?
Flourish Psychology is based in Brooklyn, and provides remote/online couples counseling for patients located anywhere in New York State. We have flexible scheduling available with several outstanding couples therapists, so if you need emergency support for your marriage, we’ll make sure to make ourselves available to you.
Call Flourish Psychology Today to Get Started
Flourish Psychology offers all types of couples and marriage counseling in NYC. We encourage you to contact our front office as soon as possible by giving us a call, or using our online form to reach out and we’ll get back to you quickly to schedule an appointment.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow (happy thanksgiving!). For many, that means that it’s time for all of your families to get together and spend some quality time together.
Still, for so many of us, family time isn’t always a relaxing time. There are unaddressed tensions. There are family dramas. There are hosting challenges. There are many issues that arise on Thanksgiving that make the holiday anything but the relaxing celebration of “thanks” that it is meant to be.
What Should You Do?
There is no single, magic formula for addressing all of the many conflicts and traumas that can arise during Thanksgiving dinner. Every experience is different, and it’s possible that there may be something you can do easily to feel calmer and happier, just as it’s possible that what you’re struggling with requires regular and ongoing help.
Still, there are some strategies that can help provide some relief. Consider the following:
Journal Your Rapid Thoughts – If you find yourself stressed over the holidays, it’s common to feel like you have many things to say and no way to process them or get them out. Try writing them down. Writing them down in some type of journal will give you an opportunity to process your thoughts/feelings and think about what you want to say.
Have a Plan – It’s ultimately your choice if you want to address these concerns or not. We can talk about this more in therapy, but there are some situations where you’ll want to share your thoughts/feelings and some situations where you will not. That said, if you decide you would like to talk about them, make sure you have a plan. Decide when and where the conversation will occur, so that it doesn’t bubble up and explode at an inopportune moment.
Take Breaks – It is perfectly okay to give yourself some “me time” in order to de-escalate a situation or calm down when you’re feeling particularly high emotions. Even in the middle of a busy Thanksgiving, prioritize yourself any time you need to by taking some quiet breaks where you can calm yourself and feel more comfortable going back to dinner.
Sleep and Exercise – Better sleep and regular exercise are always important. But it is especially important during stressful holidays. Sleeping a bit earlier the night before can help make sure you’re ready to take on the stresses of the day, and some morning exercise today or early tomorrow can reduce some of your tensions.
It’s also important to consider seeing a therapist to help you process some of your family traumas. Your mental health is always important, and it is easier to navigate family issues when you have someone you can talk to about your mental health.
No matter how you celebrate, who you celebrate with, or how difficult or easy the holidays feel to you, we at Flourish Psychology in NYC hope that you have the best Thanksgiving possible, and of course, please give us a call if you feel you’d benefit from any ongoing help.
New York is a busy, diverse, fascinating city. It is also a great place to find love. There are so many people here, all with a variety of diverse backgrounds and experiences that make Brooklyn, Manhattan, and the rest of the city one of the best places in the world to find someone that you truly connect with.
But all relationships have their ups and downs, and, in some ways, the same benefits that NYC offers relationships can also be its weaknesses. It is busy here. There is too much to do. Cost of living means that finances are often an issue. Working here is fast paced and often means less time for dates. There are challenges that are unique to NYC that can impact the health of your relationship.
As a relationship therapist in NYC, we understand how unique relationship issues can be in this city, which is why we encourage all couples to consider couples therapy when their relationships have started to struggle.
Couples Therapy for New York City Marriages
Many people are resistant to couples counseling. They see contacting a relationship therapist as a last resort, only when nothing else has worked and they’re on the verge of divorce or separation. But the benefits of counseling are not limited to couples in the late stager stage of their marriages.
Therapy is about growth and learning. It’s about hearing each other’s needs and voice, and learning how to respond in a way that is healthy and productive. It’s about improving intimacy, sexual interest, romance, and conversational quality. Those are all beneficial skills for any couple to learn.
It is also especially important here in New York City:
In busy, active places like Brooklyn and Manhattan, everyone feels like they’re under a lot of pressure. Communication issues end up leading to even further stress on the relationship, and – without time to relax – are hard to solve. By learning how to better understand what your partner is saying and needs, your NYC relationship therapist is able to make sure that you have fewer unproductive arguments and more time feeling close as a couple.
Similarly, leading busy lives means that it’s hard to have intimate and romantic time – both sexual intimacy and intellectual intimacy. Our relationship therapists teach both partners how to prioritize intimacy in the relationship, supporting activities and actions that each partner needs to feel loved, welcome, and vulnerable.
New York City has a natural “tough” culture. That culture is just part of life here, and typically doesn’t come with any negative connotations. But “tough” doesn’t always work in relationships. Being kind, considerate, and loving is a bit part of what makes relationships work. Learning to be those things with your partner (without sacrificing yourself) helps to create a better overall vibe within the marriage.
Couples therapy also provides benefits that are not unique to New York City.
For example, changes in life, both positive and negative, can be the trigger that starts problems and arguments – changes such as a job loss, a move, a new child, and other common experiences. Change can happen at any time, even in a successful marriage. Relationship therapists help you navigate these changes so that the stress of the change doesn’t impact your relationship.
These are only a few of the many skills that couples are able to gain that our NYC relationship therapists are able to offer.
Help for Your Relationship with Flourish Psychology
Flourish Psychology has several couples therapists in Brooklyn that provide a safe, open environment for you and your partner to better yourselves. We want both partners to feel seen and heard. Our therapists are available to discuss any challenges you face, giving you tools that will support your relationship in the months and years to come. Call today to get started.
Flourish Psychology has a team of Brooklyn couples counselors that work with partners through all stages of their relationship – from the newly dating to those celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary to those that have already ended their relationship and are looking for support.
Working in couples counseling in Brooklyn has helped us discover many challenges that are unique to this area. While relationships have similarities no matter where you live – whether you’re in the heart of Brooklyn Heights or in the middle of rural New York – there are issues unique to Brooklyn that can affect relationships in distinctive ways.
Example 1: Limited Relaxation Time
New York City is one of the fastest paced, densely packed cities in the world. There is a lot to do, and the people here typically understand how busy Brooklyn life can be.
But that same busyness can have an effect on your relationship, because it also means that there is very little time to relax. All couples need that relaxation time. Sometimes, not getting that time can create arguments. For example, some people may find that they need to be alone for a while to de-stress and may not have time for their partner. Others may find that the hustle and bustle makes it hard to feel relaxed enough for intimacy.
There are different ways this can manifest, but living in a high stress environment can take its toll on couples.
Example 2: Brooklyn Tough
Communication is key to a happy relationship. People in Brooklyn, and throughout New York City, are typically taught to be tough. “Tough” can make it easier to grit through hard times, but in relationships, being “tough” and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable can also affect marriages.
There are upsides to that toughness. It can mean that you can handle fights and arguments better than people in other cities in the US. But there are also downsides, and that can affect relationships and push people towards couples therapy.
Example 3: Finances
Brooklyn is one of the most expensive places to live in the entire United States. Yet it also has its share of income inequality. It is not uncommon for people here to struggle with their finances, and financial issues are one of the most common reasons for arguments for couples.
Example 4: Fame and Power
Though this description is not likely to apply to everyone, there are typically two places where people live if they are, or want to become, famous, wealthy, or powerful – Los Angeles, and New York City. Being a high profile individual may have its perks, but it can also affect relationships, and many of the calls we get are from high profile individuals in Brooklyn and NYC that require discretion, yet are going through challenging times with their partners.
Example 5: Cultural and Religious Differences
Brooklyn is a melting pot for different cultures, different religions, and different backgrounds. That melting pot is one of the best parts of living here, and it is also a chance for people to meet and start relationships that would otherwise not be in a similar cultural sphere.
While these relationships often thrive, having cultural or religious differences can introduce arguments, misunderstandings, and road blocks that you need to overcome. It’s one of the best parts about Brooklyn, but it can still lead people to couples counseling.
Any Reason, Any Couple – Couples Counseling in Brooklyn with Flourish Psychology
There is no wrong reason to seek out a couples counselor in Brooklyn. At Flourish Psychology, our services are comfortable and judgment-free. We believe that every couple that wants support deserves support, and many issues that affect relationships in NYC are universal – not necessarily related to being in Brooklyn.
But there are undoubtedly issues that are also unique to living in New York City, which is why it is so important to know that you have couples counselors that are here to help. Call us if you’d like support for your relationship, or to inquire about what is included in our services.
Relationships are a critical source of happiness for so many of us. They’re our main source of love and support – with individuals that are there with us for most of our memories. The more we keep working on our relationships, the stronger they’ll be, and the more contentment and joy we’ll be able to bring into our lives.
No matter how long you and your partner have been together, there is always more to learn. But when you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes it’s difficult to ask questions that help you explore each other further. Here are some questions that you may want to keep in mind to ask your partner when the moment is right.
Questions to Ask Your Partner
How would you like to receive love right now?
You may be familiar with the 5 love languages, but if not, most people tend to give or experience love through five different actions: Gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. When we feel love for our partner, we tend to show that love through our *own* love language. For example, if you are a physically affectionate person (physical touch) and you feel a lot of love for your partner, you may go up to them and give them a hug and a kiss.
But if your partner tends to prefer a different love language, such as acts of service, they may want you to cook them a meal or help them clean the kitchen. So, during moments where you want to show your partner love, a great question is to ask them “how would you like to receive love at this moment?” Not only will your partner appreciate that message, but you may learn more about the best way that you can show them love – in way they want to receive it.
If I asked you to plan an entire day for us together and I couldn’t say no to anything, what would you want to do? Walk me through the day.
While it’s true that this question is likely to lead to a lot of frisky and possibly humorous answers, it also has the potential to be very revealing. Often, there is information hidden in your partner’s answer that can help you understand more about who they are and how you can work on your relationship.
For example, your partner may suggest things like watching a movie together, or visiting a winery. These may indicate activities that they have wanted to share with you that you may not typically be interested in. They may also tell you something like “sit quietly together and watch the sunset,” which may indicate they’re looking for more romantic moments, or they may say “have you take the kids out while I sleep” which may indicate they are stressed or could use some alone time.
Even if their entire answer is filled with references to more physical intimacy, or jokes like “dress as clowns and hand out lemons,” it may still indicate something they feel is missing (for example, they’re feeling like they need more physical affection, or they want to have more goofy fun with you).
Give a little bit of grace, as not everyone will have a thoughtful answer, but know that even within the jokes there is often something you can learn.
Is there anything you’ve been holding on to that I can apologize for?
One of the challenges that many relationships face is the buildup of resentment. No matter how well we communicate with our partner, it’s not uncommon to find that we do not feel safe to share our frustrations, concerns, or triggers, because we do not want these conversations to end up as fights.
Sometimes, especially when you’re feeling ready to listen, it helps to give your partner a prompt that allows them to share those feelings now – before they start to fester and grow into a more significant problem in the future.
Help Moving Forward with Couples Counseling in NYC
Each of these questions can provide you with an opportunity to grow as a couple. But even the most “successful” couples find that they could still use additional support. Couples counseling is a great way to get that help, providing a judgment-free space for you and your partner to talk openly, be vulnerable, and learn how to grow in your relationship. Contact us today to learn more.
