“Aww, they grow up so fast.” That’s a phase that many have heard before while talking about kids of any age.
It’s also true.
At least, while it can’t be quantified, most parents will say that it feels their “baby” stage went by in the blink of an eye, and that they grow into teenagers a few blinks more than that.
This isn’t just a thing people say because they want their kids to stay young, either. It’s an actual feeling that many people have as they look at their growing children and realize their youth is over/ending.
But why does that happen?
How can a time period “go by” too fast?
Short Time Between Leaps
One reason that it feels like this time period goes quickly is because some parts of it actually do. “Newborn” is only one month, after which they start growing real baby features. Smiling and attention comes a few weeks later. Then there’s laughing, sitting, standing, making sounds like words, then finally crawling, walking, and talking.
For most children, all this growth happens in about 1 year.
That is a lot of growth and change to condense into such a short period of time. This time “goes by so fast” literally. Even after ~1 year old, they go from:
- Sounds to full on conversations.
- Barely walking to running full sprint.
- Wearing diapers to, eventually, using toilets.
- Going to school, making friends, learning math, and eventually becoming little adults.
Within a few more years they go from being amazed at the sounds a water bottle makes to going into the fridge and asking if they can have milk.
They start school at about 5 years old and can hit puberty and be almost as tall as their moms by 9 to 10.
They grow up very, very fast, and are changing rapidly during that time.
The Realities of Parenting
Another reason this time period “goes by so fast” is because of the realities of what parenting is really like.
Most of us are not just sitting around, playing with our children all day and creating a host of memories. We are:
- Barely sleeping.
- Navigating the new stresses of parenting.
- Trying to manage a relationship.
- On our phones.
- Working.
Our children are also napping often, which means that they’re asleep through large chunks of the day. So, not only is it a short period of time, but we’re not present with them during that time, and often we’re also very tired and distracted.
Even the anxiety brought on by parenting can cause issues like memory loss and distraction, often making it feel like time goes by quicker.
The Growth is Gradual and Quick Simultaneously
A baby/child’s face changes dramatically from birth to being a teen. But it does so in small, gradual ways that we only notice by looking back at old pictures or trying to remember what their face looked like.
It’s sort of like boiling a frog. If they immediately jumped from baby face to teen face, you would be rightfully shocked and notice the change in a way that made their baby face more memorable. But instead, their face changes little by little day by day, in ways that are often imperceptible at first glance. That means that every time you’re looking at your child’s face, it looks roughly the same in your mind than it did before.
Yet, suddenly, you’ll think or look back on how your child used to look and realize how much they’ve changed. Because of that it will feel like it all happened in the blink of an eye, despite it really happening over time.
It is not just their appearance that changes either. Their knowledge, their confidence, and more. Children learn to read like this – they know a few letters, then a few sounded out words, and suddenly they’re reading words you did not know they can read. It can feel like it’s happening slowly because it’s happening over time, but suddenly you’ll realize how much has changed in such a short time and how you didn’t get a chance to truly think about and process it in the moment.
How Can Therapy Help?
Therapy may not be able to slow down time or prevent your child from growing up. But it can help with some of the things that make it difficult to truly remember and appreciate this time in a child’s life. For example:
- Helping You Cope with the Stresses of Parenting – Some nervousness with kids is normal, but anxiety and stress do not have to be inevitable. We can work together to try to help you cope with the stresses of parenting so that you can focus on the best parts of it.
- Couples Therapy – Couples counseling is not limited to couples that are struggling. Sometimes, it’s to help make sure that you’re working together as a team, something that comes up a lot when you have babies. Couples therapy can help reduce conflicts, which in turn makes it easier for you to focus on parenthood.
- Mindfulness – Too much of life these days is spent on external things like phone, TV, work politics, etc. Sometimes, we need someone to help us learn to be more present in the moment so that we can really enjoy and take in all the things that our children are bringing to us, and we can be the best parents we can be.
- Sleep Support – If you have issues like anxiety that you’re already struggling with, those make it even harder to sleep at a time when sleep is already hard to get. Mental health treatments in a general sense can help make sure you’re getting enough sleep so your memories are sharp and so time doesn’t feel like it’s moving as quickly. Sleep deprivation specifically affects how we experience the passage of time.
Therapists can help if you have postpartum depression. Therapists can help if you have conflicts with your child as they are getting older that is making it harder to bond. Therapists can help you manage your own aging, so that you can enjoy your own life more (which simultaneously helps life slow down for you).
Therapists can also help you with your own traumas and challenges, so that your child does not *have* to grow up too fast from a maturity standpoint, providing you more time with a kid that is able to be a kid.
A Therapist So You Get the Most From Your Child’s Development
Your child is still going to grow up, and it’s still going to be too fast. But how fast it feels and how many memories we make during that time period are affected by your mental health and your relationship.
A therapist may not be able to stop your child from growing, but we can help you make the most of that time. If you’re in New York City, reach out to Flourish Psychology today to learn more.