Human beings are social animals. Research quite literally shows that we need interaction with other human beings in order to survive. Our life, our health, and our happiness are all directly connected to our ability to communicate and socialize with others.
Still, many of us also struggle with social anxieties. While not everyone may have social anxiety that qualifies as a mental health diagnosis, we can still have fears, anxiousness, and shyness in social situations.
Motivation for Feeling Social Anxiety and Fear
Social phobia can have many different causes and symptoms, and has been linked to issues like trauma, bullying, and other past experiences. One of the most common symptoms of social anxiety is a fear of being judged, and a fear of making a mistake in a way that hurts their social standing.
In psychotherapy treatments for social anxiety, like CBT, one way that we try to help address social phobia is to reframe the way you see and approach different situations. The fear of being judged is a perfect example of this. We often feel like, when we stumble within a conversation, that the person on the other end is making fun of us or thinking about how much we made a mistake.
But, when you leave a conversation, how much time do you spend thinking about all the mistakes *someone else* made? How much time do you spend thinking about and judging other people for their fumbles?
Most likely, you don’t think about other people’s mistakes at all.
The truth is that most people do not spend time thinking about you. Most people do not spend much time thinking about anyone but themselves. We all live very busy lives with our own stresses and distractions. We have our own family to worry about. We have dozens of conversations throughout the day. Most people simply do not have the time and energy to spend thinking about every little mistake you made.
And that’s a good thing.
Part of our social anxieties come from feeling like other people care about us enough to talk about us and think about us all throughout the day. But other people are not thinking about us at all. Even in situations where we do truly and objectively do or say something embarrassing, most people have too much going on in their lives and their own needs/desires to focus on anyone but themselves.
Other People Care About You – But Not That Way
Other people do care about you. They care that you’re happy. They care that you have your needs met. They care if you tell them that you got a new job and they care if you tell them you lost a family member.
But very few people have the time or energy to care about small conversational mistakes or inappropriate verbal responses. They don’t care about your facial tics or your bad jokes. There’s very little that any person can do that can cause someone else to focus and think about them all throughout the day.
So the next time that you find yourself worried about being judged, remember how little energy other people have to spend thinking about your mistakes. We all have our own stresses to worry about.
Yes, men can get postpartum depression. It may not even be uncommon. As many as 10% of new fathers have indicated that they’ve felt some degree of post-partum depression, and there are reasons to believe that this could be a massive undercount.
Postpartum depression is often viewed as a disorder that only affects women and other child bearing adults. It is attributed to many factors, most notably hormonal changes, breastfeeding, and difficulty adjusting to life post-labor. All three of those issues do not typically affect men (and other non-childbearing partners), and so the idea that postpartum depression can occur in men is often ignored.
But the reality is that postpartum depression can absolutely affect men for a variety of reasons, and it may be helpful to know that a therapist can support you as you try to navigate these changes. If you need to talk to someone today, call Flourish Psychology in NYC.
What Causes Postpartum Depression in Men?
Actual Experience:
“When I had my first son, I expected to feel elated. But he just didn’t feel like mine. He didn’t look like me. He didn’t feel familiar. It felt like I was caring for someone else’s child. I loved him, and he was a beautiful baby, but I expected to feel instantly connected and, when I didn’t, I felt extremely low in a way that lasted the first few months after his birth.”
Ppstpartum depression does not have a single cause. It is typically a mix of different issues that can all affect both partners. Some of the many issues that lead to postpartum depression include:
Lack of sleep
Difficulty managing the transitions.
Past trauma about child rearing
Struggles bonding with the baby (also may be a symptom)
Adjustments to life.
Arguments and frustrations in the relationship.
Fears over the baby’s health/wellness.
Confusion over the baby’s needs.
Envision any new parent that is waking up every 2 hours to feed and change diapers, hears a screaming child all night, and is bombarded by phone calls and visitors all while they cannot spend any romantic or calm moments with their partner. Lack of sleep alone has been linked to depression. Combine that with all these other emotions and it’s easy to envision how both partners can develop these PPD symptoms.
In addition, men are less likely to have an immediate bond with the child (likely due to hormonal differences and not carrying the baby for 9 months), are typically not given much support by friends and family, and are not always raised to know how to transition to childcare with ease.
Women have a higher risk for postpartum depression for a variety of very valid reasons, but it is also easy to see how and why PPD can affect men as well.
How is Postpartum Depression in Men Treated?
Postpartum depression is a unique mental health struggle. For many men, PPD goes away on its own over time. But many others experience some of the effects of PPD for weeks, months, or even years. In addition, the behavioral effects of PPD can last for a long time, even without realizing it. Adjusting to parenting a newborn can change how a father acts if he feels disconnected in those early stages.
Therapy can help. But rather than see it as therapy for PPD, it should be viewed as therapy for transitions, parental stress, trauma recovery, relationship health, and more – a more encompassing approach that will help parents throughout the transition to parenthood.
Because postpartum depression is not just about having a baby, men that engage in more ongoing therapy to get a better handle on the issues that can affect parenthood – and just being an adult in today’s world – are more likely to have the long term benefits that many men have been searching for.
It can be difficult to seek help. But if you feel like you are or have been struggling with male postpartum depression in Brooklyn or anywhere in New York City, contact Flourish Psychology.
LGBTQ affirmative therapy is an approach to therapy designed to help those in the LGBTQ+ community feel safe, included, and validated as you navigate some of the social, cultural, and economic challenges that many face with their sexual and gender identity. It is therapy for self-acceptance, empowerment, and wellbeing – teaching you to live a free, truthful, fulfilling life.
Within therapy, one of the things that we might look for is examples of internalized biases – homophobia and transphobia that a person has developed as a result of the culture of American society. Often, we need to address these examples of internalized prejudice in order to fully embrace ourselves.
What Are Some Examples of Internalized Homophobia?
Internalized societal biases can come into play in many different ways, and we’ll explore some of these in our sessions. But examples of internalized homophobia include habits such as:
Self-Devaluation – There is a tendency for those in the LGBTQ community to feel as though their lifestyle is not as valued, or that they should feel shame in themselves.
Need to Adhere to Cis/Heteronormative Expectations – Most of society has an idea of “normal” that is hetero/cis-normative, and puts pressure on LGBTQ+ individuals to not feel themselves.
Body Image Dissatisfaction – Similarly, society’s expectation on body type, body shape, and appearance is also based on cis and heteronormative expectations. This can lead to body image issues, eating disorders, and more.
Judgment of Other LGBTQ+ Individuals – It is also not uncommon for LGBTQ individuals to avoid embracing other LGBTQ people and spaces, feeling like they’re somehow too different and not “for them.” That is often an internalized bias.
Self-Hate – Many in the LGBTQ community have unspoken negativity towards themselves. This may be especially common for those that grew up in religious households.
These are all some of many examples of internalized homophobia and transphobia that hurt your own quality of life.
What Does LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy Do?
LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy is a way of helping you address those internal biases and start living as a “you” that truly accepts who you are and how you express yourself. It is designed to find where you struggle, and give you a series of actions, feedback, and affirmations that allow you to love both yourself and your community in ways that will help you thrive.
If you’d like to learn more about this approach to mental health, please contact Flourish Psychology today.
We’re in the heart of May, and one reason May is so important to our team here at Flourish Psychology is that it is Mental Health Awareness Month. Since 1949, Mental Health Awareness Month has been just that – an opportunity to:
Spread awareness of different mental health conditions
Show how common it is to struggle with mental health.
Provide wellness tips and information to support mental health recovery.
It’s 2023. Most people now are aware that people struggle with mental health. There are more resources now than ever, and there are entire communities dedicated to understanding anxiety, depression, ADHD, and more. So why is “mental health awareness month” still so important?
Underdiagnosed, Undertreated
Even with all the resources we have available, only a small fraction of the people that struggle with mental health seek treatment. Fewer than 50% of people seek treatment for anxiety, for example, and “seek treatment” means any type of treatment, including those that are not effective or evidence based. The number of people that seek an evidence based treatment, like therapy, is surprisingly small.
Normalizing mental health and normalizing seeking out and treating these conditions is critical, because the more normal it is, the more likely people will feel comfortable and confident getting care. In addition, one of the reasons people seek out ineffective treatments is because some treatment options, like therapy, have stigma that prevent people from getting the care they need.
So Mental Health Awareness Month remains a very important month, and it’s so important that anyone that believes in the importance of mental healthcare feel comfortable and confident in sharing their experiences and the benefits they’ve felt from therapy.
Learn more about Mental Health Awareness Month or contact Flourish Psychology if you’d like to start treating your mental health.
Hobbies are important. More important than we give them credit for. Research into the idea of “leisure hobbies” indicates many potential benefits of maintaining hobbies for your mental health.
Hobbies are a great way to engage in a passion. They can also be a great way to make money. Many businesses started as hobbies. Etsy, for example, was a business literally started because its owner needed a way to sell these handmade wooden computers he made in his spare time. Bob Ross was just painting as a hobby before he made a name for himself as a television personality.
We live at a time where “hustle culture” is all the rage – what can you do to make some extra money? Are there hobbies that you have that can provide you with some extra money? Can you become a professional dog jogger because of your love of running? Can you rent out your home to photographers because of your amazing interior design skills?
There’s nothing wrong with trying to make a bit of extra money with your hobbies. Life is expensive. If you can make a bit of extra cash here and there doing something you love to do, go for it.
But it’s important to remember that you also don’t need to make every hobby of yours something you can make money off of. Sometimes, it’s just good to have a hobby.
The Benefits of a Hobby that Isn’t Monetized
It’s great if a hobby can make you money. But it’s also great to have hobbies that do not. That is because research into hobbies has shown that monetizing a hobby can reduce the joy of that hobby. This has even been proposed as a way to reduce childhood addiction to video games. Give them a few dollars to play, and eventually they’ll find playing less enjoyable.
Hobbies that you do just for fun – hobbies that you do just for YOU – have many benefits, including:
Improving your self esteem as you become good at something.
Teaching you to turn off your mind to outside distractions.
Giving yourself moments of fun in a stressful world.
You can monetize anything you want if you feel like you’re ready for it. But it is also perfectly reasonable to just have a hobby you can enjoy. Paint without worrying if someone will buy it. Craft something without worrying about someone buying it from you. Write a book without worrying about if someone reads it. If it brings you joy, then it has value that extends beyond money – value that you will experience for months and years to come.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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