It’s healthy to have goals in life. Being able to set an expectation and then achieve it can not only be beneficial to our financial status or social status, but can also be invaluable to our personal mental health and sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately, by measuring our success in goals rather than ongoing progress, it can be all too easy to lose sight of what matters and beat ourselves up over not accomplishing those arbitrary goals that we’ve set for ourselves.
For example, if we want to put a certain amount of money into our savings but fail, we ignore the amount that we were able to save at all. Or if by the time we are a certain age we want to purchase a home and are not quite ready for a mortgage by then, we can fail to see the fact that we are in a financially stable situation and almost ready to become a homeowner.
It can be a real danger to set life goals as our baseline, because this only allows for success or failure, and ignores the wide variety of accomplishments that exist in between. When a specific goal or need is focused on by one of our clients to an unhealthy amount, it can be difficult to remind them that many life goals are arbitrary, and that that is okay.
What Makes a Life Goal Arbitrary?
We find people set guidelines like the purchase of a home, and then often say that they will only view that accomplishment as successful if they reach that life goal by a specific age. Age is a very understandable standard for a life goal. “I want to buy a home by 35,” has a very clear success or failure factor to it. With this type of goal, if you own a home before 35, you have succeeded, and if you do not, you have failed. It feels easy to plan for and easy to digest.
But if you were to purchase a home by the time you turned 36, that would not be any less of an accomplishment. Becoming a homeowner is no easy task by any means, especially not when an age restriction has been placed upon it.
This is the core issue with forgetting that life goals are arbitrary. Using them for direction can be a fantastic motivator, but life goals lose a lot of their value when we forget that the “life” part is more important than the “goal” part. Life happens, and being able to adapt and still succeed is just as much, if not more, of an accomplishment than any “buy a home by age X” restriction.
Can Life Goals Still be Important?
Another issue with life goals is whether not they’ll actually make us happy at all. So often these goals are based upon external concepts of what success means, and we have not taken the time or introspection to know if they will actually make us happy. Sticking with the homeowner concept: “Will buying a home actually make you happy?” is an important question we asked many of our clients.
Will you live a happier life spending 10 years as a comfortable renter, or will spending 5 years saving every penny so that you can become a homeowner earlier bring you joy? What if you decide that instead of owning a home, you want to travel instead? What if you want to move? What if finding a new job out of state will make you happy? If that’s the case, then not only would homeownership “by 35” not be possible, but it would also be a mistake – it would take you away from what would really make you happy.
Let Life Get in The Way
Even when we are able to take time and decide what we truly need to be happy, it is important that we don’t put too much of a fixed concept on those life goals. Adapting to our experiences or surroundings and then altering our expectations is an essential part of finding happiness in life. Allowing our goals to shift and change with our own personal growth is a fantastic way to create accomplishments that mean something to us.
Rather than viewing life goals as predetermined requirements for happiness, we can view them as the simple goals that they are. And goals change. By taking what makes us happy and combining it with life goals that give us a sense of accomplishment, we are able to adapt to life, rather than letting it “get in the way”.
Mental health is an intricate tapestry of genetic, environmental, and situational factors. Just as our physical characteristics can be attributed to our genetic makeup, research is increasingly finding that the roots of many mental health disorders can also be traced back to our genes.
However, this genetic root can lead to many questions. If these conditions have genetic origins:
Does this mean that they are inevitable?
Does this mean that they cannot be treated?
Does this impact the success of treatment?
Sometimes, our own mental health issues can make us believe that developing mental health challenges is and was inevitable. But while many can have a biological component, mental health is not that simple, and the good news is that most common mental health conditions can be treated.
The Genetic Underpinning Of Mental Health Disorders
Several studies have identified genes associated with an increased risk of mental health conditions. For example, there are genes that are known to play a role in conditions such as:
Eating Disorders – Research has indicated that specific genes can make individuals more susceptible to eating disorders. These genes are believed to affect behaviors linked to conditions like anorexia nervosa.
Anxiety and Depression – Twin studies have been particularly illuminating, suggesting that if one twin develops a condition like major depression, the other twin has a significantly higher chance of experiencing the same condition, indicating a genetic component.
Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder – These are among the most hereditary mental health conditions. Numerous genes have been identified which increase susceptibility, yet none guarantee the condition’s onset.
It’s crucial to note that genes alone don’t dictate the emergence of these disorders. Environmental triggers, trauma, and life circumstances play a substantial role, often activating the genetic predispositions.
Psychotherapy And Genetic Roots – Do They Coexist?
So, if these disorders have a genetic foundation, can psychotherapy still be effective?
The resounding answer is yes. Even when your mental health has a genetic component, it can be addressed effectively with treatment such as therapy. This is because of other scientific findings that include:
Gene-Environment Interaction – Genes often provide a predisposition, not a destiny. The expression of genes can be influenced by the environment. Psychotherapy can serve as a positive environmental factor, potentially mitigating the adverse effects of certain genetic predispositions.
Neuroplasticity – Our brain is adaptable. It possesses an incredible ability, known as neuroplasticity, to reorganize and form new neural connections throughout life. Therapies, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy, can promote positive changes in brain patterns and pathways.
Coping Mechanisms – Regardless of genetic predispositions, therapy equips individuals with coping strategies, tools, and skills to handle stressors, manage symptoms, and navigate challenges more effectively.
Holistic Healing – Treatment is not just about addressing genetic factors or the brain’s chemistry. It’s about healing the individual holistically, encompassing emotional, cognitive, and behavioral aspects. Psychotherapy offers a space for introspection, growth, and healing that can benefit everyone, irrespective of their genetic makeup.
Our brains are constantly developing. When we’re young, we do not know how to do basic math, and then we learn, and then we know math. We never stop knowing math, even though we were born without the ability to do math. Our mental health works in a similar way. We may have a predisposition because of our genes, but through learning, coping strategies, building connections in our mind, and more, we can address these same mental health struggles.
The Path Forward
Understanding the genetic roots of mental health disorders can be empowering, offering clarity and insight into one’s experiences. However, these genetic revelations should not be seen as a treatment barrier. On the contrary, they can help tailor and optimize therapeutic approaches for individuals.
In the realm of mental health, the coexistence of genetics and therapy is not only possible but also promising. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the potential for change, growth, and healing.
If you or someone you know is navigating the complexities of mental health and seeks guidance, reach out to Flourish Psychology. Together, we can chart a path to well-being, understanding, and hope.
In the vast web of psychological concepts and factors that influence our behavior and mental well-being, perfectionism stands out as a trait that often draws significant attention. Its impact on our daily actions, thoughts, and self-worth is undeniable. People that struggle with perfectionism often find that it directly or indirectly controls everything they do.
One of the most concerning manifestations of perfectionism is its intricate connection with eating disorders, most notably anorexia nervosa. Delving into this relationship helps shed light on the complexities of both perfectionism and anorexia, offering valuable insights for those seeking to understand or manage these challenges.
What Is Perfectionism?
At its core, perfectionism isn’t just about striving for excellence or aiming high. It’s the persistent belief that one must be perfect, often coupled with a harsh self-critique when perceived standards aren’t met. It can manifest in various forms, like setting unrealistically high goals, fearing mistakes, or basing one’s self-worth on achievements. It’s a double-edged sword – while it can drive ambition, it can also cripple self-esteem.
How Does Perfectionism Relate To Anorexia?
Anorexia nervosa is a severe eating disorder characterized by restrictive eating and an intense fear of gaining weight. Individuals with anorexia often possess a distorted body image, viewing themselves as overweight even when they’re underweight. But where does perfectionism fit into this picture?
Control and Standards – Perfectionism is deeply rooted in the need for control. Similarly, anorexia often emerges from the desire to control one’s body, shape, and weight. Both conditions revolve around setting and adhering to stringent standards, even if they pose health risks.
Fear of Failure – An intense fear of failure is a hallmark of perfectionism. For those with anorexia, the “failure” can be perceived weight gain or not adhering to a strict dietary regimen.
Self-worth and Validation – Many perfectionists base their self-worth on their achievements. In the context of anorexia, the achievement can be maintaining a certain weight or body shape, leading to validation and a distorted sense of accomplishment.
Coping Mechanism – For some, perfectionism becomes a coping mechanism against feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. Anorexia, too, can emerge as a way to cope with emotional turmoil, with the act of restricting food serving as a form of self-control and order amidst chaos.
Perfectionism can also lead to other conditions, like anxiety, which can further the development of anorexia. Mental health is complex, and it can touch the way we feel in many ways.
The Spiraling Effect Of Perfectionism And Anorexia
While perfectionism can contribute to the onset of anorexia, the relationship often becomes cyclic. As one grapples with the eating disorder, the need to maintain control and achieve the “perfect” body can intensify, further deepening the perfectionist tendencies. This spiraling effect can make treatment and recovery more challenging.
Navigating The Complex Web
Understanding the relationship between perfectionism and anorexia is crucial for both prevention and treatment. Recognizing the signs and seeking early intervention can make a significant difference. Therapy, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy, can be effective in addressing both perfectionist tendencies and the underlying triggers of anorexia.
If you or someone you know is struggling with the intertwined challenges of perfectionism and anorexia, it’s vital to seek professional help. With the right guidance, it’s possible to navigate this complex web and find a path to healthier self-perception and well-being.
Should you wish to delve deeper into this topic or seek assistance, do not hesitate to reach out to Flourish Psychology.
We’d like to believe that who we are now is based only on our personalities and current thoughts/life experiences. But a lot of who we are now – how we think, how we feel, and how we process the world – is based on our childhood. Not just our childhood, in fact, but our childhood traumas, which can shape us in ways that we may never realize.
How Our Childhood Traumas Affects Our Emotions and Feelings as an Adult
Research into childhood trauma shows that those that have experienced traumas in their youth are prone to many different long term emotional and psychological challenges, including:
Increased Risk Of Developing Mental Health Disorders
Not all mental health disorders are related to childhood trauma. But that doesn’t mean there is no effect. Many of those that experienced childhood trauma also show adult mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
Difficulty Forming And Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Childhood trauma appears to have an effect on the relationships of others, including attachment styles, how to navigate relationships and marriage, how to respond to conflict, and more.
Higher Likelihood Of Engaging In Self-Destructive Behaviors
Substance abuse, sex addiction, and risk-taking behaviors are all more common in those that experienced childhood trauma. A person that experiences these self-destructive behaviors also may or may not be aware that they are linked to their childhood experiences.
Impaired Emotional Regulation/Coping Skills
We learn how to cope with stress and anxiety when we’re young. So, when we experience childhood trauma, we may not develop the necessary coping skills and emotional regulation techniques that we need to manage how we feel and cope with what life throws our way.
Lower Self-Esteem
Finally, those that experienced childhood trauma may be more prone to low self-esteem and low feelings of self-worth, affecting their ability to feel comfortable and confident with themselves and others.
Addressing Past Traumas, Today
There is a myth, related to a specific type of therapy from Freud, that psychologists and therapists focus solely on your past, your relationship with your parents, etc. That is not the case. Much of therapy is actually focused on the present, sometimes exclusively. Your mental health isn’t just about your past, and sometimes the way you feel is related to things that are happening now – or for no apparent reason at all.
But that doesn’t mean that the past is not worth exploring. There are many situations where your experiences as a child do affect you as an adult and, when that is the case, it is worth determining how your trauma may be affecting you and what we can do to help you fix it.
For more information about trauma therapy in NYC, contact Flourish Psychology, today.
Accurately acknowledging the pronouns of the people you meet has become a professional and scholastic standard over the past several years. Besides fostering a greater state of mental health, correct pronoun use can also create a more confident sense of gender identity in ourselves and those around us.
But the widespread use of pronouns in society is, in many ways, new – at least for many of us. While the effort required to recognize every person’s chosen pronouns can seem daunting at first, a little can go a long way in creating a more comfortable work or school environment.
Understanding Pronouns and Pronoun Preferences
None of the information here is meant to pertain to anyone’s personal gender, or even their acceptance of exploring self-identity. This guide is meant to only assist in treating others with the respect and decency we should expect within a professional environment. It is not intended for either self-expression or correction, but simply for educational reference and understanding.
We are also not going to go over every pronoun someone may claim as their own, as that simply cannot be done here. Activists and educators are, even as we speak, working with language to try to find scientific and acceptable ways to help people better communicate who they are and what they need.
What we can do however, is provide a basic overview of what one can expect terminology to infer, and therefore how we can respond with recognition, if not support.
He/Him: By identifying with He/Him pronouns, a person is telling those around them to view them as a man. This does not necessarily mean they associate themselves with what we view as “masculine”, but it does imply that this individual views himself as a male. Therefore in a professional setting he should expect us to follow best practices and refer to him as such, as that decision is a part of his life that we are not involved in.
She/Her: In utilizing She/Her pronouns, an individual is making it clear that they view themselves as a woman, and live a life associated with that. That can look differently to different women, and again has nothing to do with her relationship with femininity. The chosen pronoun simply reflects the gender identity she may feel represents her accurately.
They/Them: Referred to as “nonbinary” pronouns, there are several different meanings someone may be considering when going by They/Them. There could be a complete abandonment of the gender binary, meaning they don’t identify as male or female, or they may see parts of both genders reflected in who they are, and therefore have chosen a middle ground.
There are other possible reasons for this pronoun choice as well, which does well to highlight that main fact: whatever their reasoning is, their pronoun choice simply asks that we refer to them as with They/Them rather than He/Him or She/Her.
He/They: Lastly, but by no means comprehensively, there are many who associate with two pronouns, and offer an option of use rather than a strict identity. Someone claiming He/They as their pronouns may view themselves as a man sometimes or partially, while also associating with a degree of nonbinary identity.
The same would be true for someone who’s pronouns are She/They, in that they identify both as a woman and as nonbinary in some form or fashion. Again, while these pronouns may seem harder to understand at first, it is only because they represent an identity that is personal to the person claiming them.
What somebody identifies as and how they wish to be referred to has nothing to do with who they were before we met them. It can be helpful to view someone’s pronouns in the same way as someone’s name. It represents them, and what they wish to be called is their choice. Some pronouns, like “they” may seem difficult at first. But remember that we already use “they” to refer to individuals whose gender we do not know.
For example, when we hear a name that is not typically associated with a single gender, like “Jordan,” we may already ask questions that use the term “they.” For example, we may say “what do they do?” or “who are they to you?” This type of plural usage is common in American English. Those that are choosing to go by “They” are essentially asking you to use the same.
More on Gender Identity
Gender identity and pronouns may be included in today’s political battles. But for most of us, all they are is a sign of respect, and a way to help make sure that those that identify as a specific pronoun and those that are struggling with or learning to acknowledge their own gender identity, are treated with respect – respect that also may support their mental health.
If you are someone that is struggling to feel affirmed with your own gender identity, or you find that others around you are not offering the support you need, please contact Flourish Psychology today to learn more about our LGBTQ affirming care services and other forms of therapy.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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