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Brooklyn Couples Counseling: Common Problems Living in NYC’s Most Populated Borough

Brooklyn Couples Counseling: Common Problems Living in NYC’s Most Populated Borough

by | Oct 27, 2022 | Relationships

Flourish Psychology has a team of Brooklyn couples counselors that work with partners through all stages of their relationship – from the newly dating to those celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary to those that have already ended their relationship and are looking for support.

Working in couples counseling in Brooklyn has helped us discover many challenges that are unique to this area. While relationships have similarities no matter where you live – whether you’re in the heart of Brooklyn Heights or in the middle of rural New York – there are issues unique to Brooklyn that can affect relationships in distinctive ways.

Example 1: Limited Relaxation Time

New York City is one of the fastest paced, densely packed cities in the world. There is a lot to do, and the people here typically understand how busy Brooklyn life can be.

But that same busyness can have an effect on your relationship, because it also means that there is very little time to relax. All couples need that relaxation time. Sometimes, not getting that time can create arguments. For example, some people may find that they need to be alone for a while to de-stress and may not have time for their partner. Others may find that the hustle and bustle makes it hard to feel relaxed enough for intimacy. 

There are different ways this can manifest, but living in a high stress environment can take its toll on couples.

Example 2: Brooklyn Tough

Communication is key to a happy relationship. People in Brooklyn, and throughout New York City, are typically taught to be tough. “Tough” can make it easier to grit through hard times, but in relationships, being “tough” and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable can also affect marriages. 

There are upsides to that toughness. It can mean that you can handle fights and arguments better than people in other cities in the US. But there are also downsides, and that can affect relationships and push people towards couples therapy. 

Example 3: Finances

Brooklyn is one of the most expensive places to live in the entire United States. Yet it also has its share of income inequality. It is not uncommon for people here to struggle with their finances, and financial issues are one of the most common reasons for arguments for couples.

Example 4: Fame and Power

Though this description is not likely to apply to everyone, there are typically two places where people live if they are, or want to become, famous, wealthy, or powerful – Los Angeles, and New York City. Being a high profile individual may have its perks, but it can also affect relationships, and many of the calls we get are from high profile individuals in Brooklyn and NYC that require discretion, yet are going through challenging times with their partners.

Example 5: Cultural and Religious Differences

Brooklyn is a melting pot for different cultures, different religions, and different backgrounds. That melting pot is one of the best parts of living here, and it is also a chance for people to meet and start relationships that would otherwise not be in a similar cultural sphere. 

While these relationships often thrive, having cultural or religious differences can introduce arguments, misunderstandings, and road blocks that you need to overcome. It’s one of the best parts about Brooklyn, but it can still lead people to couples counseling.

Any Reason, Any Couple – Couples Counseling in Brooklyn with Flourish Psychology

There is no wrong reason to seek out a couples counselor in Brooklyn. At Flourish Psychology, our services are comfortable and judgment-free. We believe that every couple that wants support deserves support, and many issues that affect relationships in NYC are universal – not necessarily related to being in Brooklyn. 

But there are undoubtedly issues that are also unique to living in New York City, which is why it is so important to know that you have couples counselors that are here to help. Call us if you’d like support for your relationship, or to inquire about what is included in our services.

Exercise Bulimia in NYC – How Not All “Eating Disorders” Are About Eating

Exercise Bulimia in NYC – How Not All “Eating Disorders” Are About Eating

by | Oct 26, 2022 | Body Image/Eating Disorders

Exercise is one of the healthiest activities we can do for our bodies. Yet, like most activities, it is possible to exercise *too* much. That is the case with those in New York City that struggle with “exercise bulimia,” a type of eating disorder where a person exercises excessively to burn away the calories they consumed after binge eating.

This type of eating disorder can be difficult to notice. That is why it helps to speak with a professional therapist that understands how to identify body image issues and eating disorders, as there is a fine line between a healthy passion for exercise and exercise bulimia.

What is Exercise Bulimia?

Hundreds of thousands of people – both children and adults – struggle or have struggled with eating disorders in Brooklyn and NYC alone. It is estimated that as many as 10% of all Americans will have an eating disorder and some point in their lives, and – while some people do learn to manage eating disorders on their own – many others need psychological intervention to take control of their habits.

But eating disorders do not always manifest in the same way.

Bulimia nervosa – which is the condition most people think about when they hear the term “bulimia” – is characterized by eating large doses of food (known as binge eating) and then forcing oneself to regurgitate that food (known as purging) to prevent themselves from consuming too many calories. Not everyone with bulimia nervosa will being eat, but they will consume food and then purge it through self-inflicted vomiting.

Exercise bulimia is similar, but rather than regurgitate the food, they “purge” the calories through extensive, intense exercise. 

What makes exercise bulimia difficult to spot is that a commitment to exercise can be healthy. Athletes, for example, often spend hours working out to hone their skills. Distance runners will practice running for hours as well, looking to improve their strength and stamina.

Exercise bulimia takes this a step further. A person works out far beyond what their body needs, often with intense exercise designed solely to burn calories. There are typically very few fitness or athletic goals outside of losing weight or burning calories, nor is it an activity that is liberally scheduled when convenient. Instead:

  • Exercising interferes with other responsibilities in life.
  • Exercising shows signs of being an obsession/preoccupation, especially after eating.
  • Exercising co-occurs with body image issues.
  • Exercising continues to be a priority even with illness or injury.
  • Exercising takes precedence over all other forms of self-care.

People with exercise bulimia will often track and reference calories, since a calorie purge is their exercise goal. They may also show signs up withdrawal, stress, or anxiety when they miss a workout. 

Exercise Bulimia in NYC – Why This Eating Disorder is Common

Here in Brooklyn, and the rest of New York City, we are also at significant risk of exercise bulimia (and other eating disorders) because we have a very celebrity and looks-oriented culture here. Surrounded by film, theatre, models, and fashion, many people develop eating disorders due to external pressures. Those that work within the industry may also find that they feel body image pressures.

Exercise bulimia is one of the ways that this may manifest. While other eating disorders tend to be more common, especially anorexia and bulimia nervosa, we consistently meet people that have struggled with exercise bulimia, and body image issues that have led them to try to extensively burn calories through exercise and other means.

If you or someone you love may be struggling with exercise bulimia in Brooklyn, or anywhere in New York, contact Flourish Psychology. We have therapists that specialize in eating disorders and body image issues, able to provide you with the support that you need to manage these challenges. Call today.

Getting Started – How to Find a NYC Therapist You Connect With

Getting Started – How to Find a NYC Therapist You Connect With

by | Oct 19, 2022 | Therapy

Your mental health is important. Psychotherapy, when provided by experienced therapists, is one of the best available techniques for improving your mental health. Using evidence-based practices that have been extensively researched by universities all over the world, therapy is the most effective tool we have for addressing a person’s psychological challenges.

But while studies have shown that therapy modalities – like CBT – offer outstanding results, similar studies have also shown that a significant part of the success of therapy comes from finding a therapist in NYC that you are comfortable with – one that you trust to address your needs, and that feels like they connect with you on a deeper level.

Finding *Your* Therapist 

Before we talk about how to find a therapist that fits your needs, let’s first examine the most common reasons that someone quits therapy. These are:

  • They do not get along with their therapist.
  • They do not trust their therapist.
  • They are unwilling to open up to the therapist.
  • They do not feel they are improving enough.
  • They disagree with the therapist about the problem and how to address it.

In addition, what we’ve noticed is that many people that felt they didn’t “get anything from therapy” contacted only one therapist, didn’t feel like it helped, and then gave up on the field altogether.

Your relationship with your therapist is just that: a relationship. If you don’t feel that “spark” with your therapist, then not only will it be harder to receive the help you need – you’ll also find that the therapy will be less likely to work. Therapy’s success relies on finding a therapist that is right for you.

What You SHOULD Do to Find A Therapist 

The first thing to note is that you’re never stuck with a therapist. You can try one out for a few sessions, see if there is a connection, and find a new one. While no one likes change – especially not when it comes to mental health – you get to choose when to commit, and only when you’ve found someone that you truly feel is right for you should you commit to the process.

You should also consider asking them important questions that affect how comfortable you’ll be with their services:

  • What approaches to therapy do you use?
  • Are you comfortable working with someone of my background?
  • What process will you use to help me reach my goals?
  • How long do you expect therapy to last?
  • What are your typical clients like?

While this list of questions can serve as a guide, you should also ask any questions that concern you, or curiosities you have. Therapy is more effective the more you feel comfortable with the person providing the therapy, and – if you have an intake appointment, like we offer here at Flourish Psychology in Brooklyn – you should ask any questions that you need to feel comfortable.

Therapy Will Challenge You – Find Your Therapist First

Once you’ve found a therapist you feel connected to, that’s when you will want to commit to giving the process a chance. Therapy will occasionally challenge you. It is effective, but it requires vulnerability, honestly, and openness. There might be situations where your therapist says something to you that you do not want to hear, and the last thing you want to do is try to find a new therapist that tells you only what you want them to say.

That’s why the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a NYC therapist that you connect with first, so that when you are ready to commit to them, you know that you’ve chosen them for a reason. You’ll know that they have your interests in mind, and that they are giving you an evidence based treatment that they believe will help you the most.

If you’d like to learn more about our therapists, contact Flourish Psychology today for your intake appointment, and let’s see if we’re a good fit for you. 

Living with Only Physical Anxiety Symptoms – Anxiety Without the Worries

Living with Only Physical Anxiety Symptoms – Anxiety Without the Worries

by | Oct 12, 2022 | Anxiety/Depression

When we talk about anxiety, we often talk about mental symptoms. We talk about unexplained fears. We talk about irrational worries. We talk about feelings of dread and “worst-case scenario thinking.” Many people that struggle with anxiety have these issues.

Still, anxiety doesn’t always manifest itself the same way for everyone. While many people that have anxiety know that it causes physical symptoms (such as shaking, sweating, and rapid heartbeat), most people assume that these physical symptoms are the result of worries, fears, etc. 

Yet it is possible for some people to develop the physical symptoms of anxiety without realizing that they have these stresses and worries. Essentially, it’s possible to have the physical symptoms of anxiety without a person feeling worried or fearful at all. 

Please note: Flourish Psychology is based in Brooklyn but licensed to provide mental health services in over 30 states. Please see our locations list and contact us if you’d like support. 

Physical-Only Anxiety – How Anxiety Affects the Body

Irrational worries, fear, and stress can trigger the activation of the fight or flight system. That activation can lead to symptoms that include:

  • Rapid Heartbeat
  • Trembling
  • Fast Breathing
  • Muscle Tension
  • Sweat
  • Difficulty Concentrating

If faced with real danger, these symptoms would keep us safe from harm. With a faster heartbeat, we’d be able to run quickly without getting as tired. By sweating, our bodies would not overheat. Trembling is caused by the adrenaline we need to react quickly, and so on. 

We know that many different issues can lead to anxiety. For some people, it’s trauma. For others, it is lifestyle choices. For some, it is life experiences, and for others it is genetics. We also know that, because anxiety can have so many causes, it can also present itself in different ways.

That is why some people seem to have the physical symptoms of anxiety, without necessarily the thoughts that we often associate with it. They may not feel fearful. They may not feel worried. They may not even notice they’re feeling very stressed at all. But their legs start to shake, their heartbeat starts to race, they may sweat a bit more – they experience the physical symptoms, even the absence of any thoughts to trigger them.

Many people with this form of anxiety do not realize they have anxiety at all. When someone that presents with this type of anxiety also has panic attacks, it’s not uncommon for them to feel like the panic attacks come “out of nowhere,” because they do not feel any intense worries or fears at the time the panic attack is triggered. They may even develop health anxieties as a result. 

Even though this type of anxiety may present differently, it is still anxiety. Because it is still anxiety, it also tends to respond well to treatments.

How We Approach “Physical Only” Anxiety

We often find that people with this form of anxiety do have stresses and worries that they’re struggling with, but they’re just not at the forefront of their minds at the time. We try to figure out what types of stresses the person may be under to determine if they are suppressing their feelings.

We also look for thoughts that may be triggering anxiety but do not feel like anxious thoughts at the time. For example, a person with “physical only anxiety” may worry about the symptoms themselves, creating a cycle where their concern over experiencing these symptoms ends up triggering their anxiety. Because their worries end up coming to fruition, they may not realize that it was triggered by that worry.

We also look for relaxation techniques and stress management strategies, to help people that may feel this type of tension learn to breathe slower and relax. These are some of the many ways that a person struggling with the physical symptoms of anxiety can find value in getting treatment from a trained therapist.

Getting Help for Physical Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety responds well to treatment, and those struggling with physical anxiety with no clear negative or anxious thoughts should still seek help. Psychologists that understand anxiety, like those at Flourish Psychology, can provide the support and help that patients need in order to learn to manage these physical symptoms and find relief in their day-to-day lives using services like CBT. Learn more by contacting Flourish Psychology in NYC, today. 

3 Questions to Grow Your Relationship

3 Questions to Grow Your Relationship

by | Oct 5, 2022 | Relationships

Relationships are a critical source of happiness for so many of us. They’re our main source of love and support – with individuals that are there with us for most of our memories. The more we keep working on our relationships, the stronger they’ll be, and the more contentment and joy we’ll be able to bring into our lives. 

No matter how long you and your partner have been together, there is always more to learn. But when you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes it’s difficult to ask questions that help you explore each other further. Here are some questions that you may want to keep in mind to ask your partner when the moment is right.  

Questions to Ask Your Partner

  • How would you like to receive love right now?

You may be familiar with the 5 love languages, but if not, most people tend to give or experience love through five different actions: Gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. When we feel love for our partner, we tend to show that love through our *own* love language. For example, if you are a physically affectionate person (physical touch) and you feel a lot of love for your partner, you may go up to them and give them a hug and a kiss.

But if your partner tends to prefer a different love language, such as acts of service, they may want you to cook them a meal or help them clean the kitchen. So, during moments where you want to show your partner love, a great question is to ask them “how would you like to receive love at this moment?” Not only will your partner appreciate that message, but you may learn more about the best way that you can show them love – in way they want to receive it. 

  • If I asked you to plan an entire day for us together and I couldn’t say no to anything, what would you want to do? Walk me through the day.

While it’s true that this question is likely to lead to a lot of frisky and possibly humorous answers, it also has the potential to be very revealing. Often, there is information hidden in your partner’s answer that can help you understand more about who they are and how you can work on your relationship.

For example, your partner may suggest things like watching a movie together, or visiting a winery. These may indicate activities that they have wanted to share with you that you may not typically be interested in. They may also tell you something like “sit quietly together and watch the sunset,” which may indicate they’re looking for more romantic moments, or they may say “have you take the kids out while I sleep” which may indicate they are stressed or could use some alone time. 

Even if their entire answer is filled with references to more physical intimacy, or jokes like “dress as clowns and hand out lemons,” it may still indicate something they feel is missing (for example, they’re feeling like they need more physical affection, or they want to have more goofy fun with you). 

Give a little bit of grace, as not everyone will have a thoughtful answer, but know that even within the jokes there is often something you can learn.

  • Is there anything you’ve been holding on to that I can apologize for?

One of the challenges that many relationships face is the buildup of resentment. No matter how well we communicate with our partner, it’s not uncommon to find that we do not feel safe to share our frustrations, concerns, or triggers, because we do not want these conversations to end up as fights.

Sometimes, especially when you’re feeling ready to listen, it helps to give your partner a prompt that allows them to share those feelings now – before they start to fester and grow into a more significant problem in the future.

Help Moving Forward with Couples Counseling in NYC

Each of these questions can provide you with an opportunity to grow as a couple. But even the most “successful” couples find that they could still use additional support. Couples counseling is a great way to get that help, providing a judgment-free space for you and your partner to talk openly, be vulnerable, and learn how to grow in your relationship. Contact us today to learn more.

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