Uncertainty can often be the enemy of comfort, and while there are many things in life that are uncertain, it is often helpful to have more clarity on some of the things that we do have control over.
That is one of the reasons that the holiday season can be a useful time for families to come together and address various forms of uncertainty. The conversations that you have today can go a long way towards reducing conflict, preventing anxiety, and improving outcomes in the future.
What Are Some Tough Holiday Conversations Worth Having?
First, a caveat. There are certainly many family relationships where communication and trust are a struggle. There are those that find the holiday season to be immensely stressful, because seeing family brings back these memories, stresses, and challenges that have been experienced in years past. In these situations, healthy boundaries are important, and there is no requirement to talk about heavy or important things that fall outside of your comfort zone.
But for those that are open to having important conversations with their families, these important holiday conversations can help you not only during the holidays, but long, long after. Examples include:
Long Term Plans – If you have aging family members, or you are aging yourself, knowing and talking about your long term plans and strategies is often forgotten and yet *extremely important.* Proactively talking about medical issues, long term care, funeral needs, and more can be extraordinarily helpful in avoiding stress and anxiety when needs arise.
Healing and Growth Together – If you and your family have had issues in the past or have felt disconnected or apart, talking about that now, over the holidays, when there are many opportunities to sit and have these important conversations can be a great way to start the healing and growth process. That’s something that can provide social support that will make your upcoming year much more emotionally manageable.
Providing Honest Life Updates – Sometimes, it’s the things that are “unsaid” that are so difficult to manage. In situations where there is emotional, social, even financial news that might be something your family wants to or needs to hear, telling them can reduce that psychological burden of keeping that secret.
Some people even find “loving” conversations to be difficult. Many families do not say “I love you” enough, avoiding compliments and words of affirmation. But hearing and saying those words can have a very powerful impact on our mental health in the future, especially if unexpected difficulties arise.
Moving Forward Together
There is no requirement to be close to one’s family. Individuals with a history of trauma in their family, for example, should not feel like they “need” to have these types of conversations. If you have had difficulties with your family in the past, please consider reaching out to Flourish Psychology, today.
But for families that *can* have these tough conversations, consider prioritizing them. The longer you wait, the more likely an issue arises that is difficult for you to manage emotionally. If you know your family’s long term care needs, for example, then you can prepare for them as they arrive and know that you’re more ready for the road ahead. For those that are prioritizing their mental health, conversations with family over the holidays can be a part of what is needed to make sure that they have less stress in the future.
Health anxiety, also known as illness anxiety disorder or hypochondria, is anxiety that is specifically about one’s health. Someone with health anxiety may find they struggle with moderate to severe anxiety that something is or will be wrong with their health. For example:
They may worry that they have an undiagnosed cancer.
They may worry that a mild illness is really a more serious illness.
They may worry that that a “normal” sensation is a sign of a larger problem.
People with panic attacks often struggle with this type of thinking. They may have chest pain caused by their panic attacks, but worry that their chest pain (and panic attacks!) are actually caused by a heart issue – either one that hasn’t been diagnosed or one that is likely to cause them a major medical event.
Many, many people struggle with illness anxiety disorder. Some people put the exact percentage at anywhere from 5% to 15%, and even that may be an undercount if we include people that have more mild health anxiety issues.
We can – and will! – continue to talk about health anxiety at length, but one interesting thing to think about is the way that health anxiety may have changed since the COVID-19 pandemic first started.
Currently, there is no science about this, so this is solely a thought exercise.
Health anxiety covers any anxiety over one’s health. It doesn’t if the person fears the idea of illness or fears they already have one – all of these can be found under the umbrella of Health Anxiety.
Health anxiety also likely increased in frequency given the availability of information online on websites like WebMD. People were taking symptoms they were experiencing, such as knee pain, and self-diagnosing a more serious condition rather than the simpler, less dangerous explanation. Many doctors have reported that patients come in asking about rare conditions only to find out that either nothing is wrong, or that they have a much more mild and more common issue instead.
Since the pandemic, many people worry that more mild, more common colds and flus could actually be COVID-19, which overall is a much more dangerous condition. It’s difficult to truly fault this fear since COVID-19 has similar symptoms in its mild form and is common, but it can cause anxiety nonetheless.
However, one thing that does appear to be an interesting change since COVID-19 is the fear of catching illness from others. Typically, those that were afraid of “Contamination” were more likely to be struggling from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and their fear of contamination was considered irrational.
Now, there are many people that live in fear of catching COVID to a degree where they fear coughing, fear the sounds of sniffling, and fear any news that someone at an event they went to found out they were sick.
In some ways, this fear can be considered justifiable given the dangers of catching COVID-19. But still, living in fear of others spreading disease to us is certainly a different presentation of health anxiety. It’s also one that is partially rational, which can make it harder to overcome.
If you struggle with health anxiety, no matter how it manifests, reach out to Flourish Psychology, today. We are here to talk to you about your illness anxiety challenges, and determine the best way to reduce your fears.
We live immensely busy lives. Not only are we busy with work, kids, and more, but even our relaxation activities tend to be more stressful now than before. There is a lot less quiet reading of books, for example, and our endless distractions (phone, TV, etc.) mean that we’re always feeling behind and always have more to do.
So what happens?
There’s a term called “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination” that encompasses what happens to many people that are struggling with this. The term “revenge” in this context reflects the subconscious motivation to take back control of one’s schedule. This phenomenon, commonly associated with people who have demanding schedules or lack control over their daytime hours, is increasingly recognized as a form of self-compensation for missed leisure time.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is where individuals “steal” time late at night for activities like watching TV, scrolling through social media, or reading, *despite* understanding the consequences of reduced sleep. Instead of going to bed as they should, they stay up very late at night and then still have to wake up the next morning, leading to extreme tiredness and the challenges they entail.
Why Does Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Happen?
Revenge bedtime procrastination occurs for a variety of reasons. Several psychological and lifestyle factors contribute to revenge bedtime procrastination. Common causes include:
Lack of Daytime Autonomy – People with busy schedules, demanding jobs, or caretaking responsibilities may have limited time for personal relaxation. Late-night hours become a way to reclaim freedom and control over personal time.
Desire for Leisure and Escape – Many use this time to engage in enjoyable activities as a counterbalance to a day filled with responsibilities. This form of escapism often feels necessary for mental well-being.
Poor Sleep Habits – Some individuals struggle with establishing consistent sleep routines. Without a structured bedtime, it becomes easier to drift into nighttime activities that delay sleep.
Stress and Anxiety – The emotional toll of high-stress days can make winding down challenging, leading people to delay bedtime rather than face the pressures of the next day.
Relaxation Habits Not Working – Lastly, it should be noted that the activities we engage in to experience this “revenge bedtime procrastination” also do not really work that well, which means that the time you’re spending taking your time back isn’t necessarily time well spent. This means that you might be staying up later because you weren’t relaxing in the time you have.
All of these are some of the many possible reasons that people may struggle with revenge bedtime procrastination. Other people may have more personal reasons as well.
Effects of Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
Part of us feels like this is self-care. We feel like taking this time back is helpful for us to feel like we’re doing something for ourselves. But while it may feel that way at times, it tends to have problematic effects, including:
Sleep Deprivation – Chronic sleep deprivation leads to reduced cognitive performance, impaired memory, mood swings, and a heightened risk for mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.
Physical Health Consequences – Lack of sleep is linked to a higher risk of chronic conditions, including obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and immune system dysfunction.
Reduced Daytime Productivity – Ironically, staying up late to gain personal time can lead to fatigue that impairs productivity and enjoyment the following day, potentially creating a cycle of stress and continued bedtime procrastination.
This can also be quite cyclical. When you are stressed, you feel like you need more time to relax. When you are not as productive, you stay busier. When you’re overtired, you more trouble sleeping, and when you can’t sleep, you may do activities that keep you up even later.
How to Manage Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
For those experiencing revenge bedtime procrastination, developing strategies to improve sleep habits and regain balance is essential. Helpful approaches include:
Setting a Consistent Bedtime Routine – Sticking to a regular bedtime and wake time, even on weekends, can establish a natural sleep rhythm and reduce the urge to delay sleep.
Scheduling Personal Time During the Day – Allocating time for breaks or brief leisure activities throughout the day can help individuals feel less deprived of personal time at night.
Using Calming Pre-Sleep Activities – Engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or light reading can help the mind and body wind down for bed.
Limiting Screen Time – Reducing exposure to screens before bed can prevent overstimulation and make it easier to feel sleepy.
It’s also important to remember that the act of sleeping can help someone feel so much more rested and comfortable that they are able to get more personal time and self-care time in during the day. Trying it for an extended period of time can thus be immensely beneficial.
Finding Balance Between Personal Time and Rest
While revenge bedtime procrastination stems from a natural desire for autonomy and relaxation, prioritizing adequate rest is essential for mental and physical health. By finding ways to incorporate self-care and relaxation into daily routines, individuals can reduce the tendency to delay sleep and achieve a healthier balance.
If you’re interested in learning more about revenge bed time procrastination, contact Flourish Psychology, today.
Rejection is difficult. We know from experience applying for jobs or asking someone on a date that it can hurt to get rejected. Many people find rejection as painful, if not more painful, then insults and name calling. We tend to take rejection very personally, even in situations where it is not necessarily meant to be a personal attack.
Some people, however, experience rejection in an even more painful and more intense way. This is sometimes referred to as “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria,” where an individual’s response to rejection is so personal, painful, and pronounced, it becomes overwhelming and potentially long lasting – affecting their mental health and behaviors in the future.
What Makes Rejection a “Dysphoria?”
“Dysphoria” refers to a “state of dissatisfaction and unease with life.” Most of us hate being rejected, but we can overcome it. We can find a way to push through, or not let it define who we are.
But some people take this a step further – rejection of any kind, even minor, becomes a triggering event, something that is so intense it can alter behavior and create overwhelming feelings of shame and emotional distress.
This is “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.” It is more common with those that have ADHD, but can affect others as well. Symptoms may include:
Sensitivity to Criticism – People with RSD may have an extreme sensitivity to criticism, whether it is direct, implied, or perceived. Even well-meaning feedback can feel devastating, leading to a prolonged emotional response.
Fear/Phobia of Rejection – Individuals with RSD may develop a deep-seated fear of rejection in social, professional, or personal settings. This fear can cause them to avoid situations where they might be judged or rejected.
Emotional Outbursts as a Response to Rejection – Rejection or criticism can trigger intense emotional reactions, ranging from tearful outbursts to sudden withdrawal or emotional numbness. These reactions often occur quickly and without warning.
Low Self-Esteem – Because of the intense focus on perceived criticism or rejection, individuals with RSD may struggle with low self-esteem or a negative self-image. They may be highly critical of themselves and overly dependent on external validation.
Trouble in Relationships, Personal and Professional – RSD can make maintaining personal and professional relationships challenging. People with RSD might overreact to comments or behaviors that seem critical, leading to conflicts or withdrawal from relationships.
Individuals with RSD may avoid opportunities that could expose them to criticism, which can limit personal growth or career advancement. In addition, the intense emotional pain associated with RSD can contribute to feelings of anxiety, depression, and social isolation if left unmanaged.
Despite its challenges, it’s possible to manage RSD and reduce its impact over time with appropriate strategies and support. By addressing the emotional intensity and underlying fears associated with rejection, individuals with RSD can work towards healthier relationships and improved mental well-being.
If you need help with rejection, whether you suspect you have RSD or not, please contact Flourish Psychology, today.
As psychotherapists, our role isn’t to tell you that you do or you do not need help. Our role is to provide you with what you need to move forward in life, no matter what it is that is holding you back.
Some of our most common calls are not for anxiety, not for depression, not for couples counseling – not for any of the most common mental health disorders. One common reason that many people reach out to a therapist is because they’re struggling with an issue that so many of us struggle with: work stress.
Work stress is not a recognized mental health disorder. It is not something that is diagnosed. But it also plays a very real and serious role in our physical and mental wellbeing – so much so that it can be enough to harm our relationship sand our day to day life.
Should work stress be considered a mental health disorder?
The Nature of Work Stress
Work stress arises when the demands of a job exceed an individual’s capacity to cope with or manage those demands. Common sources of work stress include heavy workloads, tight deadlines, lack of control over job responsibilities, difficult interpersonal relationships, and concerns about job security. While these stressors can vary from person to person, the effects of work-related stress are often similar and include:
Physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and muscle tension
Emotional symptoms like irritability, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed
Cognitive issues, including difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Behavioral changes such as withdrawing from social interactions or neglecting self-care
While these symptoms are common to stress in general, when experienced over a long period, they can lead to more severe mental and physical health issues.
Work Stress vs. Mental Health Disorders
Work stress itself is not classified as a mental health disorder. It is generally viewed as a temporary response to challenging situations in the workplace. However, chronic or unresolved work stress can be a significant contributing factor to the development of mental health conditions, including:
Anxiety Disorders – Long-term exposure to work stress can lead to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or panic attacks, especially when stressors persist without resolution.
Depression – Feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, or burnout from unrelenting work pressure can contribute to depressive symptoms. Prolonged stress, especially when coupled with job dissatisfaction, can make individuals more susceptible to developing depression.
Burnout – Although not a formal mental health disorder, burnout is a condition recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO) as an occupational phenomenon. Burnout results from prolonged exposure to chronic workplace stress and is characterized by emotional exhaustion, reduced job performance, and a sense of detachment from the job. Burnout can significantly impact mental health and lead to more serious conditions if not addressed.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – In high-stress or high-risk professions, such as first responders, healthcare workers, or military personnel, individuals may experience traumatic events that can lead to PTSD. While the trauma may occur in the context of work, the disorder itself is recognized as a mental health condition.
Work stress itself may not currently be a mental health disorder. But it does appear it can CAUSE them, and that alone may be enough to warrant concern.
While work stress itself is not a disorder, it can become a mental health concern when the stress becomes overwhelming, unmanageable, or persistent. If work-related stress leads to ongoing feelings of anxiety, sadness, or anger that do not subside when away from the job, it may indicate that the stress is contributing to a deeper mental health condition.
When work stress begins to spill over into personal relationships or activities, causing withdrawal, irritability, or neglect of responsibilities at home, it can be a sign of a more serious issue. Chronic stress is linked to physical conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and gastrointestinal problems. If work stress is manifesting in physical health issues, it may signal the need for intervention.
If stress is affecting job performance – such as reduced productivity, absenteeism, or difficulty meeting job expectations – it may indicate that the individual is experiencing burnout or another mental health issue.
Why Work Stress Should Be Taken Seriously
While work stress may not be classified as a mental health disorder, its effects on an individual’s well-being should not be underestimated. Unaddressed, chronic work stress can:
Lower job satisfaction and increase the risk of burnout
Negatively affect mental health, leading to conditions like anxiety and depression
Contribute to physical health problems
Diminish quality of life and overall happiness
Recognizing work stress as a legitimate concern is important for both employers and healthcare providers, as early intervention can prevent the escalation of stress into more serious mental health conditions. Employers should prioritize mental health support by fostering a healthy work environment, offering resources such as counseling services, and encouraging work-life balance.
Work stress is significant and important. It may not be considered a mental health disorder, but the mental health world as a whole is moving away from disorders and diagnoses anyway, as it starts to prioritize the needs of the individual. As therapists, our role is to help patients learn more about themselves and get the support they need to thrive in their personal and professional lives, diagnosis or not.
If you are struggling with work stress, or you’d like to learn more about our therapy and mental health services, please feel free and reach out to Flourish Psychology today for help managing work stress and the pressures of high profile work lives.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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