Thanksgiving is tomorrow (happy thanksgiving!). For many, that means that it’s time for all of your families to get together and spend some quality time together.
Still, for so many of us, family time isn’t always a relaxing time. There are unaddressed tensions. There are family dramas. There are hosting challenges. There are many issues that arise on Thanksgiving that make the holiday anything but the relaxing celebration of “thanks” that it is meant to be.
What Should You Do?
There is no single, magic formula for addressing all of the many conflicts and traumas that can arise during Thanksgiving dinner. Every experience is different, and it’s possible that there may be something you can do easily to feel calmer and happier, just as it’s possible that what you’re struggling with requires regular and ongoing help.
Still, there are some strategies that can help provide some relief. Consider the following:
Journal Your Rapid Thoughts – If you find yourself stressed over the holidays, it’s common to feel like you have many things to say and no way to process them or get them out. Try writing them down. Writing them down in some type of journal will give you an opportunity to process your thoughts/feelings and think about what you want to say.
Have a Plan – It’s ultimately your choice if you want to address these concerns or not. We can talk about this more in therapy, but there are some situations where you’ll want to share your thoughts/feelings and some situations where you will not. That said, if you decide you would like to talk about them, make sure you have a plan. Decide when and where the conversation will occur, so that it doesn’t bubble up and explode at an inopportune moment.
Take Breaks – It is perfectly okay to give yourself some “me time” in order to de-escalate a situation or calm down when you’re feeling particularly high emotions. Even in the middle of a busy Thanksgiving, prioritize yourself any time you need to by taking some quiet breaks where you can calm yourself and feel more comfortable going back to dinner.
Sleep and Exercise – Better sleep and regular exercise are always important. But it is especially important during stressful holidays. Sleeping a bit earlier the night before can help make sure you’re ready to take on the stresses of the day, and some morning exercise today or early tomorrow can reduce some of your tensions.
It’s also important to consider seeing a therapist to help you process some of your family traumas. Your mental health is always important, and it is easier to navigate family issues when you have someone you can talk to about your mental health.
No matter how you celebrate, who you celebrate with, or how difficult or easy the holidays feel to you, we at Flourish Psychology in NYC hope that you have the best Thanksgiving possible, and of course, please give us a call if you feel you’d benefit from any ongoing help.
New York is a busy, diverse, fascinating city. It is also a great place to find love. There are so many people here, all with a variety of diverse backgrounds and experiences that make Brooklyn, Manhattan, and the rest of the city one of the best places in the world to find someone that you truly connect with.
But all relationships have their ups and downs, and, in some ways, the same benefits that NYC offers relationships can also be its weaknesses. It is busy here. There is too much to do. Cost of living means that finances are often an issue. Working here is fast paced and often means less time for dates. There are challenges that are unique to NYC that can impact the health of your relationship.
As a relationship therapist in NYC, we understand how unique relationship issues can be in this city, which is why we encourage all couples to consider couples therapy when their relationships have started to struggle.
Couples Therapy for New York City Marriages
Many people are resistant to couples counseling. They see contacting a relationship therapist as a last resort, only when nothing else has worked and they’re on the verge of divorce or separation. But the benefits of counseling are not limited to couples in the late stager stage of their marriages.
Therapy is about growth and learning. It’s about hearing each other’s needs and voice, and learning how to respond in a way that is healthy and productive. It’s about improving intimacy, sexual interest, romance, and conversational quality. Those are all beneficial skills for any couple to learn.
It is also especially important here in New York City:
In busy, active places like Brooklyn and Manhattan, everyone feels like they’re under a lot of pressure. Communication issues end up leading to even further stress on the relationship, and – without time to relax – are hard to solve. By learning how to better understand what your partner is saying and needs, your NYC relationship therapist is able to make sure that you have fewer unproductive arguments and more time feeling close as a couple.
Similarly, leading busy lives means that it’s hard to have intimate and romantic time – both sexual intimacy and intellectual intimacy. Our relationship therapists teach both partners how to prioritize intimacy in the relationship, supporting activities and actions that each partner needs to feel loved, welcome, and vulnerable.
New York City has a natural “tough” culture. That culture is just part of life here, and typically doesn’t come with any negative connotations. But “tough” doesn’t always work in relationships. Being kind, considerate, and loving is a bit part of what makes relationships work. Learning to be those things with your partner (without sacrificing yourself) helps to create a better overall vibe within the marriage.
Couples therapy also provides benefits that are not unique to New York City.
For example, changes in life, both positive and negative, can be the trigger that starts problems and arguments – changes such as a job loss, a move, a new child, and other common experiences. Change can happen at any time, even in a successful marriage. Relationship therapists help you navigate these changes so that the stress of the change doesn’t impact your relationship.
These are only a few of the many skills that couples are able to gain that our NYC relationship therapists are able to offer.
Help for Your Relationship with Flourish Psychology
Flourish Psychology has several couples therapists in Brooklyn that provide a safe, open environment for you and your partner to better yourselves. We want both partners to feel seen and heard. Our therapists are available to discuss any challenges you face, giving you tools that will support your relationship in the months and years to come. Call today to get started.
Flourish Psychology has a team of Brooklyn couples counselors that work with partners through all stages of their relationship – from the newly dating to those celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary to those that have already ended their relationship and are looking for support.
Working in couples counseling in Brooklyn has helped us discover many challenges that are unique to this area. While relationships have similarities no matter where you live – whether you’re in the heart of Brooklyn Heights or in the middle of rural New York – there are issues unique to Brooklyn that can affect relationships in distinctive ways.
Example 1: Limited Relaxation Time
New York City is one of the fastest paced, densely packed cities in the world. There is a lot to do, and the people here typically understand how busy Brooklyn life can be.
But that same busyness can have an effect on your relationship, because it also means that there is very little time to relax. All couples need that relaxation time. Sometimes, not getting that time can create arguments. For example, some people may find that they need to be alone for a while to de-stress and may not have time for their partner. Others may find that the hustle and bustle makes it hard to feel relaxed enough for intimacy.
There are different ways this can manifest, but living in a high stress environment can take its toll on couples.
Example 2: Brooklyn Tough
Communication is key to a happy relationship. People in Brooklyn, and throughout New York City, are typically taught to be tough. “Tough” can make it easier to grit through hard times, but in relationships, being “tough” and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable can also affect marriages.
There are upsides to that toughness. It can mean that you can handle fights and arguments better than people in other cities in the US. But there are also downsides, and that can affect relationships and push people towards couples therapy.
Example 3: Finances
Brooklyn is one of the most expensive places to live in the entire United States. Yet it also has its share of income inequality. It is not uncommon for people here to struggle with their finances, and financial issues are one of the most common reasons for arguments for couples.
Example 4: Fame and Power
Though this description is not likely to apply to everyone, there are typically two places where people live if they are, or want to become, famous, wealthy, or powerful – Los Angeles, and New York City. Being a high profile individual may have its perks, but it can also affect relationships, and many of the calls we get are from high profile individuals in Brooklyn and NYC that require discretion, yet are going through challenging times with their partners.
Example 5: Cultural and Religious Differences
Brooklyn is a melting pot for different cultures, different religions, and different backgrounds. That melting pot is one of the best parts of living here, and it is also a chance for people to meet and start relationships that would otherwise not be in a similar cultural sphere.
While these relationships often thrive, having cultural or religious differences can introduce arguments, misunderstandings, and road blocks that you need to overcome. It’s one of the best parts about Brooklyn, but it can still lead people to couples counseling.
Any Reason, Any Couple – Couples Counseling in Brooklyn with Flourish Psychology
There is no wrong reason to seek out a couples counselor in Brooklyn. At Flourish Psychology, our services are comfortable and judgment-free. We believe that every couple that wants support deserves support, and many issues that affect relationships in NYC are universal – not necessarily related to being in Brooklyn.
But there are undoubtedly issues that are also unique to living in New York City, which is why it is so important to know that you have couples counselors that are here to help. Call us if you’d like support for your relationship, or to inquire about what is included in our services.
Relationships are a critical source of happiness for so many of us. They’re our main source of love and support – with individuals that are there with us for most of our memories. The more we keep working on our relationships, the stronger they’ll be, and the more contentment and joy we’ll be able to bring into our lives.
No matter how long you and your partner have been together, there is always more to learn. But when you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes it’s difficult to ask questions that help you explore each other further. Here are some questions that you may want to keep in mind to ask your partner when the moment is right.
Questions to Ask Your Partner
How would you like to receive love right now?
You may be familiar with the 5 love languages, but if not, most people tend to give or experience love through five different actions: Gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. When we feel love for our partner, we tend to show that love through our *own* love language. For example, if you are a physically affectionate person (physical touch) and you feel a lot of love for your partner, you may go up to them and give them a hug and a kiss.
But if your partner tends to prefer a different love language, such as acts of service, they may want you to cook them a meal or help them clean the kitchen. So, during moments where you want to show your partner love, a great question is to ask them “how would you like to receive love at this moment?” Not only will your partner appreciate that message, but you may learn more about the best way that you can show them love – in way they want to receive it.
If I asked you to plan an entire day for us together and I couldn’t say no to anything, what would you want to do? Walk me through the day.
While it’s true that this question is likely to lead to a lot of frisky and possibly humorous answers, it also has the potential to be very revealing. Often, there is information hidden in your partner’s answer that can help you understand more about who they are and how you can work on your relationship.
For example, your partner may suggest things like watching a movie together, or visiting a winery. These may indicate activities that they have wanted to share with you that you may not typically be interested in. They may also tell you something like “sit quietly together and watch the sunset,” which may indicate they’re looking for more romantic moments, or they may say “have you take the kids out while I sleep” which may indicate they are stressed or could use some alone time.
Even if their entire answer is filled with references to more physical intimacy, or jokes like “dress as clowns and hand out lemons,” it may still indicate something they feel is missing (for example, they’re feeling like they need more physical affection, or they want to have more goofy fun with you).
Give a little bit of grace, as not everyone will have a thoughtful answer, but know that even within the jokes there is often something you can learn.
Is there anything you’ve been holding on to that I can apologize for?
One of the challenges that many relationships face is the buildup of resentment. No matter how well we communicate with our partner, it’s not uncommon to find that we do not feel safe to share our frustrations, concerns, or triggers, because we do not want these conversations to end up as fights.
Sometimes, especially when you’re feeling ready to listen, it helps to give your partner a prompt that allows them to share those feelings now – before they start to fester and grow into a more significant problem in the future.
Help Moving Forward with Couples Counseling in NYC
Each of these questions can provide you with an opportunity to grow as a couple. But even the most “successful” couples find that they could still use additional support. Couples counseling is a great way to get that help, providing a judgment-free space for you and your partner to talk openly, be vulnerable, and learn how to grow in your relationship. Contact us today to learn more.
Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us found ourselves at home more than ever before. With remote work, school cancellations, and limited safe activities available outside of the home, many couples spent more time together than they had at any point in their relationship – a situation that often led to conflict.
As restrictions across NYC ease and people begin to adjust back to a more socially active way of life, it is not uncommon for couples to still be affected by the challenges and frustrations they struggled with during the last two years. For those that are still trying to heal from these struggles, it may help to consider a local couples counselor to help heal the relationship and guide you and your partner to a better future.
Overcoming 2+ Years of COVID Stress
One of the challenges of living through the shared trauma caused by the pandemic is that the feelings and experiences we had over the past two years does not suddenly go away, even if life starts to go back to normal. If you found yourself hurt back in 2020, that hurt can still be with you now. If you found yourself overwhelmed, frustrated, or upset, those same emotions can still stay with you.
As couples counselors in Brooklyn Heights, our team here at Flourish Psychology recognizes that, no matter how strong a couple you have been in the past, the pandemic thrust many of us into a situation that was completely unfamiliar. One where couples were:
Navigating full time parenthood while children tried remote learning.
Struggling with finances because of COVID-19 layoffs.
Adjusting to remote work and trying to operate professionally in a shared family space.
Faced with limited to no social interaction or support outside of the immediate family.
No matter how much we love our partner, and no matter how much we want to spend time with them, the pandemic was a traumatic event that threw couples far outside of their comfort zone and into a place with more stress, less personal space/time, and no way to take a break to process it all.
That is a situation that is challenging for any relationship.
If you walk around Brooklyn today, you’ll see that most of the borough is back to normal. But the fights, the resentments, and the struggles that you faced as a couple may not go away on their own. If you find that you’ve had trouble overcoming the past few years of marital stress brought on by COVID-19, couples counseling can help.
Why Consider Couples Counseling?
Healthy communication is a challenge for many couples, and that challenge was often worsened by the limited amount of personal space and alone time that we had during the pandemic. Many couples found themselves unable to have productive discussions about their concerns and needs. Over time, those arguments and repressed feelings start to bubble into long term resentment and frustration.
Couples counseling provides a safe, non-judgmental space for each partner to start talking openly about these struggles. Guided by experienced Brooklyn couples counselors – like those here at Flourish Psychology – each partner has an opportunity to feel heard and supported while your therapists provide guidance to help you both heal.
With couples counseling, each partner has something that they often didn’t have during the pandemic:
An advocate.
A mediator.
A listener.
Our role as Brooklyn couples counselors is to let both partners be heard and help improve communication both now and into the future so that any other challenges you face as a couple can be addressed early.
For those that feel they are still holding on to some of the emotions and resentments they felt during the pandemic, couples counseling creates a comfortable space for you to share those feelings and work through them; finally giving you an opportunity to heal and grow. Flourish Psychology also provides individual therapy for anyone that feels they have their own personal challenges to work through as well.
Taking the Step Towards Rebuilding Your Relationship – Flourish Psychology
Here in New York City, we have dealt with an unimaginable amount of trauma and loss as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. We still are. This experience has also strained many of our relationships, leading to difficulties that are often present still today.
If you and your partner still need help to heal from the past two years, or you’d simply like to work on growing your relationship and becoming stronger as a couple, contact Flourish Psychology today to schedule an appointment. We have both in person (Brooklyn Heights) and remote couples counseling available.
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, couples counseling may be the last thing on your mind. Regardless of your feelings towards this divisive holiday, there’s no denying that it celebrates all the rose-colored aspects of relationships. While romantic connections can be a source of joy, fulfillment and intimacy, they inevitably present many challenges and conflicts.
When two people decide to build a relationship together, they’re each coming in with unique perspectives, values and core beliefs. You may have been brought up in an environment that is the total opposite of your partner’s upbringing. Bridging these gaps can be challenging and these differences are likely to lead to conflicts over time. It’s important to know that conflict is an inevitable aspect of any relationship and is not necessarily an indication of incompatibility. When managed in a healthy way, conflict can actually be beneficial for your relationship because it provides opportunity for growth. With the skills gained from couples counseling, you’ll be better able to manage these issues as a team.
It’s a common misconception that you should only go to couples therapy when your relationship is in trouble. On the contrary, couples who approach counseling proactively (rather than reactively) tend to have healthier relationships and a stronger bond. By attending therapy before the problems arise, you’ll be better able to deal with issues when they inevitably come to the surface. While couples counseling can’t prevent conflicts, it definitely enables you to develop your skills of conflict resolution, empathy and compassion. For this reason, premarital counseling is strongly recommended for recently engaged couples.
Besides an improvement in conflict resolution, couples counseling can be beneficial for your relationship in many ways. Here are a few unexpected benefits to consider.
Couples counseling can improve your finances
While infidelity may be the most common cause for divorce, financial issues are definitely a close second. Money is always a sensitive topic and can certainly add a lot of stress to a relationship. Quite often, people’s beliefs and attitudes towards money are very different to that of their partner’s. One person may be a big spender while the other is more miserly. Maybe you have differing attitudes towards things like joint accounts, acquiring debt, and investing.
Then there is the issue of financial infidelity, which is when people lie to their partner about their finances. Examples include hiding purchases or debts, keeping secret accounts or making withdrawals without your partner’s knowledge or consent.
Couples counseling is a great way to improve your communication around finances and come to a middle ground where both parties can thrive. Couples who attend counseling are less likely to fight about money and more likely to achieve financial goals as a team.
Couples Counseling for Better Sex
There’s no denying that a satisfying sex life is an important factor for many people in romantic relationships. It’s healthy and natural to desire fulfilling sex with your partner. Just like finances, sex can be a tricky topic for many couples for a variety of reasons. You may have different preferences, needs, kinks or fetishes from your partner or may be reluctant to communicate your sexual needs. It can be difficult to let your partner know that something isn’t working for you in the bedroom or that you’d like to try something new. With the demands of work and children, many couples find that they aren’t able to have as much sex as they’d like, which can ultimately cause you to feel distanced from your partner.
A couples therapist can provide a safe environment for you to communicate these issues with your partner with the ultimate aim of improving intimacy and satisfaction.
Improved Co-Parenting
For partners who are coparenting, couples therapy can be an incredibly rewarding experience. As with money and sex, couples may also have major differences when it comes to parenting. We’re all influenced by our own childhood upbringing, core beliefs and value systems and these will all be reflected in the way we approach parenting. Parenting styles play a significant role in raising healthy, happy children and it’s important for couples to get on the same page. This is important for both first-time parents and parents who will be forming blended families.
By attending couples therapy together, you have the opportunity to discuss disagreements and differences of opinion as it relates to the children. By coming to a compromise, you’ll be better able to work as coparenting team. As a result, parenting is a more fulfilling experience and your children are able to reap the benefits well into their own adulthood.
Exploring Alternative Relationship Dynamics
In 2022, we know that there are many ways to exist in a relationship. Partnership is not one-size-fits-all and we all have the ability to find the relationship dynamic that best suits us. For those who wish to explore alternative relationship dynamics such as polyamory, open relationships or other forms of non-monogamy, couples therapy provides a safe and healthy space for discussion.
At Flourish Psychology we know that each couple is unique and has a different story. We explore your relationship with you to enhance understanding of each other and to improve communication. We help you gain perspective to increase your awareness and understanding of your partner.
Being in a relationship doesn’t have to be hard all of the time. If you are worried about the strength of your relationship or the future of the partnership we can help support you to explore your concerns.
At Flourish, we affirm all couples – gay, straight, poly, trans, open, gender expansive, single, married, dating, friends, blended, and parents in relationships. Contact us today to schedule your first session.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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