It’s hard to explain fandom. It’s more than liking something. We can watch a movie, maybe even love a movie, but there is a difference in many ways between finding a movie interesting and being a “fan” of it. Being a fan traditionally means that we feel very strongly about the product in question. We can “like” chocolate. But to be a fan of it, we have to live chocolate, advocate for it, make it a part of our lives.
We have to become one with the chocolate.
We may not see this so much with snacks, but we do see this with pop culture. We see devoted fans of Star Trek, Star Wars, Harry Potter. We see passionate fans of BTS, Backstreet Boys, and Blackpink. We know that there are – or were – grown adults that were heavily invested in the teenage relationships of fictional characters in Twilight.
This is fandom.
Fandom is something psychological. So let’s talk about it from a psychological perspective. What even is fandom psychologically, and how does it work?
All About Fandom
When we talk about fandom from a psychological perspective, we’re really talking about how the human brain builds connections – not just to people we know in real life, but to ideas, stories, music, fictional characters, and even entire worlds that don’t physically exist.
Fandom feels powerful because it uses the same biological and neurological systems that evolved to help us bond with other humans and find meaning in social experiences.
At the core of fandom is the brain’s reward circuitry, particularly involving a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is released when we experience pleasure, excitement, or anticipation. When we listen to a song we love, watch a long-awaited movie, or even think about a favorite character, dopamine surges in the brain.
Over time, these repeated bursts of dopamine create a strong emotional imprint, making the object of our fandom feel personally important to us.
Next: Emotional Memory
So now we know that fandom results from a chemical in the brain that makes us feel good. But that’s not what makes fandom really take hold. For that, we’re looking at emotional memory.
When an experience creates a strong feeling in the brain, it is stored in a way that is more vivid and “real” than neutral memories. Think about how people become incredibly invested in sports teams, for example. Typically, you’re invested in a sports team because you grew up in that general market and made real, meaningful memories there.
Even if you move away, you remain a fan of that initial sports team because that’s the one that has the more vivid memories. Even if you start to forget some of those specific memories over time, the logo, the cheers, the players, and more will all provide you with those feelings. That enhances your connection further.
Culture and Parasocial Connections
At this point, we can identify that some things create very strong feelings of joy. But still, that doesn’t entirely explain fandom on its own, especially because there are many things that we enjoy that do not have a fandom.
Another component of fandom comes from the sense of community and belonging.
Fandom itself has a culture, and culture creates a sense of community. Human beings are wired to seek a feeling of belonging. The shared culture/community of fandom, such as through band support, a story universe, and the way that certain types of products have permeated through culture gives one a sense of feeling like they belong and a way to enjoy the beliefs, traditions, and more that one experiences around it.
Fandom also creates a type of parasocial connection – a connection to people that we do not know, but we still feel strongly towards. Sometimes, this is the object of our fandom, like a sports team, single, or character in a movie. Other times, it’s the people around us that are also fans. We may feel closer to people that hold the same beliefs as us.
Either way, these are the same neural pathways that activate when we have close personal friends. Thus, our fandom makes us feel like we have people in our lives that we are deeply connected to – people that give us joy, even without a two way relationship.
Sense of Identity
Lastly, once embraced, fandom becomes a part of our identity. We tend to see ourselves through our fandom. This can have its benefits and weaknesses, but in a general sense, it continues to give us a sense of self that we can carry with us in other ways.
The Positive Side of Fandom
There can be a toxicity to fandom, which we’ll address in a moment, but fandom can also be very fulfilling and valuable in our lives. Fandom can:
Provide us with an *actual* community. While we spoke earlier about how fandom gives us a sense of being part of a community, shared fandom can create actual community, as people can bond over their similar feelings and beliefs and find comfort in seeing fandom in others.
Create positive feelings. When life does feel challenging, fandom can create positive feelings that people may otherwise struggle to find. Musical fandom, for example, can be uplifting and a great release when other things in a person’s life feel like a challenge.
Provide “social support.” Social support refers to feeling like there’s others that are there for you if you need them, whether or not they are actually there. At times, we can feel alone and without social support. Fandom can then help provide some level of social support to get us through these more challenging times.
Loving something enough to be a fan of it can be a very fulfilling experience. For example, fans of anime that dress up in cosplay costumes find incredible joy from looking like their favorite characters and attending events with others that are engaging in these behaviors as well. That’s something that can provide positive feelings for years.
Of course, fandom does have its downsides as well. Fandom can become escapism, where a person tries to live in the fantasy world at the expense of their responsibilities and lives in the real world. The parasocial relationships in fandom can also become too strong – a person can feel like character they’re a fan of loves them back, which in turn can create an emotional overinvestment.
Fandom can also potentially lead to emotional challenges like depression. For example, if a person’s fandom is a TV show, and the show is canceled, that can create a sadness and emptiness that may persist in other ways.
Finally, fandom can lead to gatekeeping and behavior and social conflicts. Because fandom can be an identity, some people find that they’re very vocal or defensive about this identity and how it relates to others.
Fandom and Mental Health
Fandom, in a sense, is neither good nor bad. It can have its benefits for people, and its weaknesses. It depends on how someone experiences that fandom and it affects their relationship with the world around them.
But one thing that is clear about fandom is that it is more than just liking something. There are very reasonable psychological reasons that people become “diehard fans,” and it’s important for everyone to recognize these reasons and understand why people experience them.
If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health issues, or fandom has taken too strong a role in a person’s life, reach out to Flourish Psychology, today.
Some people are easily affected by what they see on social media. They’re prone to believing the things that they see online, and they allow it to affect their view of the world.
For example, a teenager may see a series of videos of ornate ways that other teenagers ask people to prom. They may then expect that all teenagers are/should be asked out in this way, and find themselves disappointed when their date, partner, or friend doesn’t put in the same level of effort.
Or, perhaps you see a video on a new shoe, or a new cream, or a new slang term, and you immediately buy the shoe or try the cream or use the slang term. Those are examples of a person that followers influencers and is also easily influenced by them.
That is its own separate challenge. Some people are more susceptible to this type of influence than others.
But what if you’re not *that* easily influenced?
What if you know for a fact that you’re not really someone that buys what influencers recommend you buy? You’re interested in what they have to say, but it doesn’t drive your purchase behavior. You’re “uninfluenceable.”
Or are you?
The truth is following influencers and being on social media frequently do affect behavior, even if you think you’re immune, Because, even if you don’t feel like you’re prone to buying products you see online, you can still be influenced by simply following these topics:
Increasing Interests – People that follow a lot of interior designers may not buy the products they offer, but the more their algorithm shows them interior designers, the more they look at their own home and feel they need a change. This is true about videos of sports cards, purses, face creams, even movies. People that see anime clips are more likely to watch more anime. People that see videos about dresses are going to be more likely to buy dresses.
Decreasing Feelings of Self-Worth – Similarly, the opposite holds true as well. A person that follows interior designers, for example, is going to start to think less of their home as they see that it doesn’t compare to the ones they see online. A person that follows people that sell or discuss purses is going to look at their own purses and feel like it’s not good enough. These are natural emotions to surrounding yourself with videos of things you see as better.
Branding – You may believe that you’re not easily influenced, but branding science is very real and extensively researched. If you see a brand, or you see a product, and you run into that product/brand again in your travels, you are more likely to use it. In your mind, you’re not being “influenced,” because you’re coming to the conclusion yourself. But your curiosity and desire to even consider the product because you saw it before indicates that you’ve been influenced against your will.
Unrealistic Expectations – Most people that spend a lot of time online think that the average person makes over $100,000 a year. They think that the average person owns a home. They think that the average person should be able to travel comfortably and often. All of these things are not true, but social media can change the reality that we have without us knowing simply because of what we saw online.
Imagine you’re following a beauty influencer. They show you all sorts of products – creams, lotions, makeup, and more. You decide not to use any of them. But then they show you a lipstick in a color you adore, so you buy it.
In your mind, it wasn’t being influenced, because you didn’t buy it “because the other person told you to.” But in a way, you did, because their recommendation excited you about that particular product.
Similarly, imagine you’re following people that teach basketball skills. You start to feel worse about how bad you are at basketball, and get motivated to try to be better. In a way, that’s good – you’re out there, improving a skill, getting healthy – but before that, you were feeling worse about yourself as a result of what you’re seeing online.
Either way, you’re still being influenced in ways that can harm your budget and your mental health, simply by spending time getting influenced by various social media algorithms.
No One is Immune to Influence
Whether we want things we didn’t want before, feel worse about ourselves, or expect impossible things from others, social media does have an affect on how we think and feel. The more things and people we follow, the more they directly and indirectly influence us, even if we generally consider ourselves to be not so easily influenced.
Either way, whether it’s learning to be free of social media or teaching ourselves to love ourselves more, it’s important to understand how and why our time on social media affects us, whether you’re the one being influenced or the influencer.
But let’s take a step back. What if it isn’t just social media that is affecting your mental health. What if it is the act of being on your phone at all?
Our Phones and Our Day to Day Lives
So many of us find that there is little time in the day to focus on ourselves – to take walks, to spend time with friends, to engage in hobbies, to spend quality time with our partners, and more. We need these activities to be our best selves and stay as psychologically healthy as possible. The problem is that there is just not enough time in the day.
… Or is there?
Most phones keep track of how much screen time you have looking at your phone, and if you review it, you may find that you’re spending anywhere from 2 to 8 hours of the day looking at your phone – out of only 16 hours that we spend awake.
When we spend that much time on our phones, then we’re not taking care of ourselves and we’re losing out on a significant amount of time that could have been available for things that are far more important to us. Even if you use it productively, that time is often seen as wasted, as it does not create memories that will help us through the hard times.
Time spend on your phone can also affect other things as well:
It activates our brain, causing us to feel less tired and potentially not get the sleep we need.
It turns us off to the rest of the world, causing us to look like we’re neglecting our partners or kids.
It prevents us from using our senses, as our phones only activate our eyes.
Studies have even shown that not all screen time is the same. Spending time watching quality television does not cause the same issues that phones do. Phones put your eyes on something in front of you, closing you off to the rest of the world. With television, you can typically hear and see what is going on around you, and interact with the world in positive ways.
What We Do On Our Phones vs Time on Our Phones
We know that what we do on our phones can impact our mental health, especially the time spent on activities like social media. But phones themselves, as a screen, are simply a worse choice for your mental health than many other activities. That is why it is so important to make sure that you unplug, and learn to control any phone addiction or other issues that cause you to feel like you need to be on your phone for a large chunk of the day.
For more information on living your best life, contact Flourish Psychology.
Human beings are, in many ways, meant to be social. Yes, many of us love our alone time. But we are a social species, and as such, our relationships often define for us who we are and where our life is. There is a reason that we, as a species, live longer and maintain our cognitive health when we have strong social connections.
But what if these social connections are not what we were seeking?
Sometimes, the social connections we create and develop are a reflection of how we feel internally and what we project onto the world. People that are drawn to us are sometimes drawn to us because of how we feel about ourselves, and people that we push away may be pushed away because our internal thoughts and emotions are telling them a story that they do not want to hear.
It’s Hard to Hide How We Feel
There are many situations where an emotion that we’re feeling or an issue we’re struggling with comes out, no matter how much we try to hide it. It doesn’t just come out in obvious ways, either. For example, if you find you’re struggling with anger, that doesn’t mean that your anger only comes out as shouting or yelling. In some ways, it can come out as a feeling people get when they’re around you, with subtle clues that they pick up on.
This can create situations where you’re pushing people away that may otherwise fill an important role in your life. For example, people that feel needy, or uncomfortable with others, or unhappy with themselves may present that to others in both apparent and subtle ways. They may be sharing that information with mannerisms or language choice or expressions that others pick up on and respond to accordingly.
If that happens:
The people that you desire a friendship with, and the ones that would be a good influence in your life, may find that they’re being unintentionally pushed away by these negative emotions and challenges. They may not feel like they can connect with you the way that you would normally be able to connect with them.
The people that you *do* attract may not be those that would be a good influence on your life. If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, for example, a person that you attract as a result may be someone that could take advantage of that – someone that finds low self-esteem to be an attractive personality trait.
You often hear friends and family recommend that you learn to love yourself before you focus on loving others. There may be some truth to that, as we want to make sure that the best possible emotions and personality traits are being reflected in the world.
This is not to say that you are only going to attract unwelcome people if you’re struggling, or that you are going to always push away those that may benefit your life simply because you have mental health challenges. But it is still likely to be beneficial to continue to work on your health, so that you can reflect the best possible version of yourself to others. If you would like help for your mental health, please contact Flourish Psychology, today.
As specialists in disordered eating and eating disorders, one issue that drives many poor eating habits is the idea of avoiding being “fat” – a term, often used as a slur, that is designed to shame someone about the size of their body. We know from health science that bodies of all sizes can be healthy bodies and that the concept of “fat” as unhealthy or unattractive is not factual. It is time to reclaim the word fat, and restore it’s proper meaning.
It’s why we emphasize what we call fat positivity – the concept that all bodies, and particularly larger bodies, are inherently worthy and that size itself is not a determinant of health status or physical attractiveness.
What “All Sizes Fit” Really Means
As Rebecca Appleman, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with offices in NY, CT and FL and owner of Appleman Nutrition explains, “it is a pervasive view in both diet and wellness culture that “fat” is bad; That it is bad to eat fat and bad to be fat. This view is profoundly misguided.” High quality fat, is a vital nutrient and is important to consume in order to decrease inflammation in the body and protect the heart, brain and bones. Rebecca further reflects that “fat bodies have unfortunately been culturally deemed unhealthy, unworthy, and unattractive. Appleman Nutrition wholly rejects the idea that only one body type is worthy and that only thin bodies can be healthy and strong. Every body has value, and every body deserves to be well nourished and well cared for.”
Fat positivity is about embracing your body as it is and not allowing unscientific standards dictate your body image.
At Flourish Psychology, we call this the concept of “all sizes fit.” It is the idea that:
Whatever size you are is the right fit for you.
Whatever shape you have is an ideal shape to be.
Whatever view you have about beauty standards, you fit into that view.
Through this concept, we work with patients that struggle with disordered eating, teaching them how to be in touch with their body and its signals, knowing how to listen to it and give it what it needs to thrive. We teach you how to accept your body and what it does for you, focusing less on its appearance and instead on how incredible it is that it allows you to enjoy and appreciate so much goodness in life.
We also focus on acceptance, and learning to accept all the great things you already have instead of desiring what you do not. These skills help not only with poor body image, but also with changing your overall mindset about how to live an enjoyable, incredible life of any size at any time.
Health at Every Size
In the mental health world, the concept of “Health at Every Size” (often shortened to HAES) is supported by research. Teaching people to love themselves, address their mental health needs, and respond to their body showed better overall health outcomes, no matter their weight on the scale.
The idea behind fat positivity is based on this principle. It is to show people that loving yourself matters more for your health than other approaches, and that your size or weight matters less for your mental AND physical wellbeing than the way you feel about it.
Learning to Love Yourself and Your Body
Food is designed to nourish our bodies so that we can enjoy all the other activities that we wish to enjoy. When food becomes a distraction, or how we feel about our body interrupts our ability to enjoy all of life’s many pleasures, then that’s when we need to take a step back and gain a better understanding of why we feel that way and what we can do to feel more positive about ourselves and our bodies.
If you or someone you love is struggling with disordered eating or body image issues, please reach out to Flourish Psychology today. Our therapists often work with patients that have eating disorders on ways to improve their relationship with food and to feel more positive with themselves and their bodies.
One of the ways that we find contentment in today’s world is to set goals for ourselves and, ideally, achieve them. We try to make some specific amount of money, or visit a specific country, or read a specific number of books. Goal setting may even be part of therapy, as we work together to find and create goals that make sense for your core values.
Goal setting is both admirable and important, and giving up on goals or failing to complete them can be a source of unhappiness. But one issue that can arise is believing that the goals we create now are critical for our happiness in the future. Goals are important, yet what is also important is adaptability to the changes in where we are in life, who we are in life, and what we really need to be happy.
Our Goals and Our Lives Change with the Seasons
When you were a child, you wanted to grow up and be an astronaut or a fireman or the President of the United States. At the time, even without realizing it, you set a goal. Then you grew up. Life taught you more about who you are and what you wanted to achieve based on your life experience.
We look back on our childhood and we know that times change. The dreams we had as kids are (probably) not within our reach, and we are not the same person that we were in our youth. But, as we become adults, many of us start to think that the goals we have now should be treated as some type of necessity. Now that we’re adults, we start to convince ourselves that this is who we are, and our goals now are the only goals we’ll have that will make us happy.
The truth is that we are always changing. For example, in our college years, we may have been focused on finding a job that made us more money. Then we got a job and our goals could have changed to something like having children or spending more time with our families. Our life changes all the time. Our goals need to be able to change with it.
Seeing and Assessing Our Personal Goals
Our life goals are not meant to be static. They change regularly, even if you do not achieve the goals that you originally set. We are always growing and changing, and while we may still hold on to some of the goals and dreams we had in the past, we also need to be willing to reflect on who we are and what we really need to be happy. If we hold onto our past dreams, and do not look at what will make us happy in the now, then we’re going to miss out on opportunities to make ourselves happier that are more in line with who we are in the moment.
So while we should have goals, and we should work hard towards those goals, it is also very important to remember that our goals can change as our circumstances do. There is nothing wrong with seeing our goals as temporary – writing them with a pencil, and not a pen – and reviewing where we are now and what we really want to achieve. If you need help with achieving your goals, contact Flourish Psychology, today.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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