When a person has a traumatic experience, it can linger in the brain. Studies have shown that one of the reasons that people experience issues like PTSD is because their mind struggles to process the emotional significance of the trauma, and the trauma then lingers in the mind, bouncing around and causing anxiety and distress.
It’s one of the primary reasons that EMDR has been so successful at treating PTSD. EMDR helps a person process the event in a safe setting, helping move it to the long term storage part of the brain and reducing the distress that it causes.
Still, when we say something is “stuck” in the brain, what does that mean? Where is it stuck?
Let’s talk about it.
Where a Trauma is Stuck in the Mind
One thing to understand is that when we say that a traumatic event is “stuck” in the brain, this isn’t metaphorical. There are specific brain regions involved in how trauma is recalled, stored, and processed. During a traumatic events, those systems are overwhelmed and dysregulated, causing trauma to feel like it’s ongoing.
For those that have this unresolved trauma, it’s stored in several places. These include:
Amygdala – The Amygdala is what stores the emotional intensity of the event. During a traumatic event, it tags the memory as “dangerous,” which is partially what leads to these feelings of being on high alert (even in safe environments), cause panic at otherwise mild triggers, and lead to heightened anxiety and stress. The amygdala also has no concept of time, which may explain why a person feels like they’re still living the event.
Hippocampus – While the amygdala governs emotion and alertness, the hippocampus helps form and organize memories, placing them in a logical timeline. Under extreme stress, hippocampal activity can become impaired. Traumatic experiences may be stored as sensory fragments or disorganized impressions, rather than coherent, narrative memories. This may cause flashbacks, intrusive images, and more. There is even research that shows that the hippocampus may shrink after a traumatic event, making it harder to process additional memories.
Prefrontal Cortex – In a healthy stress response, the prefrontal cortex helps regulate the amygdala and integrate emotional memory with reasoning. But during trauma – or when trauma has been left unprocessed – this area often becomes underactive. The prefrontal cortex helps distinguish between a real threat and a perceived one. When it is dysregulated, the brain struggles to tell the difference. It also has a difficult time with decision making or accessing calming thoughts.
When we say that trauma gets “stuck” in the brain, it’s not entirely an exaggeration. It may not be stuck in the literal sense, but the way that it fragments and deregulates the brain’s functions means that it’s always bouncing around in there, causing ongoing issues. Addressing the trauma then requires figuring out how to help the brain process it the way it would process any event – helping it get unstuck.
Processing Trauma to Move Forward
What makes trauma different from other negative experiences is not only the intensity, but also the way it bypasses normal memory systems. If the brain doesn’t fully process and integrate the experience, it may remain stored in a raw, emotionally charged form – especially in the amygdala and sensory systems. These unprocessed fragments can be reactivated by smells, sights, sounds, or even thoughts that are only loosely related to the original event.
Therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, and trauma-informed cognitive behavioral therapy work by helping the brain complete the processing of these memories. The goal is to shift the trauma from an ongoing alarm to something that is recognized as part of the past.
Even if trauma feels deeply embedded, it does not have to stay that way. With the right support, the brain can begin to rewire and recover – moving the trauma out of a reactive loop and into long-term memory where it no longer dictates how we feel in the present.
If you’re struggling with trauma, reach out to Flourish Psychology today. Let’s have our team help you process trauma, using EMDR and other therapies to help you move forward. Contact us today to get started.
Recently, Dr. Sadi Fox of Flourish Psychology was featured on Fox Weather to discuss the way that severe weather patterns can affect our mood. Take a look!
Usually, when we talk about the way weather affects mood, we are primarily focused on issues like seasonal depression. But weather can affect our mood in some wany ways. Even the heat!
Right now, millions of people are living through Hurricane Season. It’s now even become something we have to worry about more in New York! Sadi addresses the way that weather can affect our mood, and more!
Take a look and reach out to Flourish Psychology with any additional questions, or if you want to learn more about our psychotherapy services.
There is no timeline for love. But that doesn’t mean that we’re not going to find ourselves feeling rushed now and again. There are some biological issues at play – for example, if you’re trying to have children – and of course, many people prefer the idea of young love, when we’re at our physical peaks, but love can come at any time. What matters is understanding yourself, opening yourself up to what you’re looking for, being realistic with your expectations, and managing your standards and goals.
When we’re young, the idea of meeting someone can, for some people, feel almost unnecessary. “We have all the time in the world” or “we’re still young.” When we get older, it’s not uncommon to feel a bit more discouraged, especially when we reach the milestone age of 40 and find that many of our friends in that age group are married and may even have kids.
It can be discouraging. But you also don’t what that feeling of discouragement to interfere with your mental health, or your ability to meet a mate, or change your core values. So what can you do if you’re feeling issues? What can you do if you’re feeling external pressures, or biological ones, or you’re simply feeling upset that you haven’t found “the one.”
Recognizing the Source of the Pressure
Goals CAN change. Some people become 40+ and realize that they’re perfectly happy with themselves and who they are. Maybe they’re still looking for someone, maybe they aren’t, but overall they’re comfortable with themselves and whatever happens, happens.
For those that have been looking for or hoping for a mate, however, it isn’t uncommon to feel upset at where you are. It’s okay to be upset about not reaching your goals. But discouragement about being single at 40 often stems less from the experience itself, and more form how it is interpreted both internally and externally. For example:
Social Expectations – Cultural messages often equate success with partnership, especially by midlife. These expectations may not reflect current realities or individual preferences, but they can still create a sense of inadequacy.
Comparison with Peers – Seeing others in long-term relationships or raising children can prompt questions about one’s own path, even if those paths were never personally desirable.
Relationship History – People who have experienced loss, long-term breakups, or patterns of unsatisfying relationships may feel discouraged not because they are single, but because they are carrying unresolved emotional weight.
Uncertainty About the Future – Concerns about aging, health, or companionship can compound emotional discomfort, especially when there is no clear timeline for meeting someone.
These are all valid emotional responses, but they are not static conditions. They can be processed, challenged, and reframed with the right psychological tools.
Separating Identity from Relationship Status
A key shift in maintaining mental and emotional health is learning to separate self-worth from relationship status. This involves recognizing that:
Being in a relationship does not inherently indicate emotional maturity or stability.
Being single does not mean a person is incomplete, behind, or lacking.
The ability to form and sustain healthy relationships starts with internal regulation, boundary-setting, and self-awareness—skills that are often better developed in midlife.
Many individuals who remain single at 40 have done so not due to failure, but due to intentional choices, personal growth, or high standards that protect their well-being. Recognizing this distinction can reduce feelings of discouragement and replace them with a sense of agency.
Building Stability Without Waiting for Partnership
Discouragement often increases when life is placed on hold while waiting for the “right” relationship. A more productive and psychologically protective approach involves investing in areas of life that provide fulfillment and emotional regulation regardless of relationship status.
These areas might include:
Friendship and Social Connection – Quality relationships, whether romantic or platonic, play a central role in mental health. Intentional investment in friendship networks can meet many of the emotional needs associated with partnership.
Personal Development – Learning new skills, setting financial or professional goals, and engaging in creative work can create meaning and identity outside of relational roles.
Physical and Mental Wellness – Regular exercise, therapy, mindfulness, or other forms of self-care improve resilience and reduce the risk of internalizing loneliness.
Purpose-Oriented Activities – Volunteering, mentoring, or participating in community organizations provides structure and emotional reward that often mirror the benefits of shared life with a partner.
These efforts do not replace the value of a romantic relationship – but they do create a stable emotional base that allows future relationships to be additive rather than compensatory.
Accepting Ambiguity While Remaining Open
One of the most emotionally complex aspects of being single at 40 is the uncertainty. There are no guarantees that a relationship will form, nor is there a defined path for how or when it might happen. This ambiguity can lead to either despair or acceptance depending on how it is managed.
Psychologically, individuals tend to benefit most from adopting a mindset that is both accepting of their current reality and open to change. That includes:
Acknowledging grief or disappointment without letting it define identity
Allowing space for hope without forcing timelines
Recognizing that relationships may form in unexpected ways or at different life stages
Understanding that being “ready” does not guarantee outcomes, but it improves the experience of waiting
It is often the combination of internal stability and emotional openness that allows people to meet others in meaningful ways, especially later in life.
Remaining Single Does Not Mean Something Is Wrong
Being single at 40 may feel out of sync with expectations, but it is not an indicator of personal failure. For many, it reflects a set of circumstances, values, or priorities that have led to a different – though still complete – life trajectory. Discouragement can be a temporary emotional response, not a permanent state, especially when it is examined through a lens of emotional awareness and self-respect.
If you’re finding yourself having trouble with being single at this age, and you’re looking for help with your mental health, please reach out to Flourish Psychology today and let’s talk about what this feeling means for you and what we can do to overcome it.
Parenting is hard. This probably comes as a shock to no one, but therapy is a challenge. You’re tasked with keeping this little thing alive, all while not getting sleep, putting a strain on your marriage, dealing with the physical health issues, and on and on.
It is a challenge for everyone.
You may be familiar with postpartum depression – depression that occurs after having a child due to a combination of hormonal changes, stress, and more. Some people seek out therapists when they have this type of depression, hoping to get extra help coping.
But here’s the thing:
You don’t need postpartum depression to find therapy beneficial. You do not even need a diagnosable mental health condition at all.
What if, instead of waiting to see if you develop a mental health issue, you simply start seeing a therapist. What if you take a more proactive approach?
Seeking Therapy Proactively
You already know that parenting is challenging, even before having a baby. Psychotherapy is about helping someone through their challenges, no matter what they may be.
By seeking out a therapist to help you with parenting, you put yourself in a position to:
Address stress as early as possible, before it becomes something that can create problems in your mental health or marriage.
Teach you how to be more present, so that you can take in as much of parenting as possible.
Potentially help you sleep more. Sleep is limited with all kids, but if the anxiety of parenting keeps you awake, or you’re struggling to prioritize sleep, therapy can help.
Answer questions and worries you may have, and help you find the best parent you can be in yourself.
Respond to past childhood traumas and issues with upbringing to learn how to parent authentically, lovingly, and in today’s world.
If a parent does have postpartum depression, it can also be addressed at the time of therapy. But, regardless of mental health status, many parents would benefit from psychotherapy that helps them manage the challenges of parenthood early and often.
Since your own mental health outside of parenting can also affect how you build relationships, manage frustration, and so on, psychotherapy can also transform you back into your best self.
Reach Out Today to Learn More
Flourish Psychology is a boutique private practice that is happy to help parents adapt to this new part of their lives. We also occasionally run group therapy sessions for new parents, and we have options for those that need ongoing care.
If you would like to get started, please reach out to our team, today.
Many of Flourish Psychology’s patients live lives where discretion is critical and time is minimal. CEOs, content creators, doctors, attorneys, and more – these are individuals who are often tasked with work day and night, or find themselves with a busy personal and professional life where it is extraordinarily challenging to manage their mental health.
It is for these individuals that we created our exclusive mental health services. These are mental health services with significantly more availability, using a retainer model similar to the legal field that makes it possible to access mental health services on your schedule, personalized to you.
You can learn about our exclusive mental health services here.
On a surface level, it should already be easy to recognize why having your own individual therapist that is available more often when you need us most is valuable. You have access to a therapist when:
You’re in the middle of some type of crisis.
You have some rare but available free time.
You need someone to trust with your emotions or ideas.
Exclusive services allow you to have a therapist that is essentially on call, and while that doesn’t necessarily mean 100% availability, it does mean that you’re on a few coordinating steps away from someone at all times.
But this level of accessibility and higher level of care also has secondary benefits as well. It means that you have:
The knowledge that you are NEVER alone. With someone you can contact at any time whose role and expertise it is to help you, you will never feel like you’re taking on these challenges and emotional burdens by yourself.
Someone that knows you deeply – deeper than even traditional therapy. Exclusive services often mean that we can meet more often and connect much longer than traditional therapy typically allows.
A therapist unburdened by topic. Often, when you work with a therapist on a more limited basis, we have to keep the focus on the topic of need (for example, anxiety). With our concierge therapy services, this is no longer the case, as there is plenty of opportunity to talk about any emotions of challenges of note to you.
It is also simply a more catering level of care as well. We are professional therapists, and our role is your mental health, but concierge therapy allows for more services, more often, on more topics than traditional weekly or biweekly therapy allows, and that means that you have a therapist that is here to help you at every step.
If this type of therapy is right for your needs, please reach out to us today. We’d love to see if there is a fit or recommend options depending on what your needs may be.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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