Many of us struggle to be social. We struggle feeling positive. We struggle to be someone that we’re not. In many cases, we can end up putting up a mask that hides how we really feel, trying our best to show the world a person – a happy, friendly person – even if we don’t feel that way inside.
That can be a problem. It can be a problem for us to live and hide who we are. Still, that type of emotional masking tends to happen subconsciously due to external pressures. What if that positivity and social personality is something we’re doing *on purpose*?
Contrary to what you might think, “faking it” – at least when it’s a positive choice that we’re doing as an exercise in mental health – can have benefits:
People that fake positivity may start to see the world in a more positive way.
People that fake social confidence may start to develop social confidence.
People that fake higher self esteem may start to experience better self esteem.
What we often find is that, when used as an exercise, faking the way that we want to feel and the person that we want to be can create psychological changes that help us adapt to be that person.
How Behaviors Can Affect Emotion
One of the foundational insights in psychology is that behavior and emotion do not flow in only one direction. It is not just that a person feels happy and therefore smiles — it is also possible for the act of smiling to influence how that person feels.
Several psychological theories help explain this relationship. One framework often referenced is Self-Perception Theory, which proposes that people sometimes infer their own emotional state by observing their behavior and the context in which it occurs. In this model, behaving in a positive or socially engaged way can gradually shape a person’s internal experience to align more closely with those actions.
Other processes may also play a role. In some situations, the mismatch between how a person feels internally and how they are behaving externally may create a form of cognitive dissonance, which the mind resolves by adjusting the emotional state. In structured treatment settings, similar principles are used in behavioral activation, where individuals are encouraged to re-engage in meaningful or rewarding activities to interrupt cycles of withdrawal and low mood. In any event, what we find is that:
Acting a Certain Way Can Change How You Feel – When you engage in behaviors associated with a particular emotion (like smiling, speaking confidently, or engaging socially), your brain can start to align your internal state with that external behavior.
Movement Creates Momentum – Depression and anxiety often create inertia. You don’t feel like doing anything, so you don’t do anything, which makes you feel worse. Faking engagement – going through the motions even when you don’t feel like it – can break that cycle and create forward movement.
Social Interaction Reinforces Connection – Even if you’re forcing yourself to engage in conversation or act interested, the act of connecting with others can reduce isolation and provide genuine moments of connection, which improves mood over time.
This doesn’t mean that faking positivity magically cures depression or that performing social skills eliminates anxiety. But it does mean that the performance itself can be therapeutic, and potentially create real, lasting change into your feelings and behaviors.
When Intentional “Faking It” Can Be Helpful
There are specific contexts where deliberately practicing positivity or using learned social behaviors – even when they don’t feel natural in the moment – can serve as a valuable tool for mental health:
Breaking the Cycle of Depression
Depression creates a vicious cycle. You feel bad, so you withdraw from activities and people. That withdrawal reinforces the depression, which makes you feel worse, which makes you withdraw more. Waiting until you “feel like” engaging with life often means waiting indefinitely.
Intentionally faking engagement – showing up to an event even when you don’t want to, having a conversation even when you feel flat, acting interested in something even when nothing feels interesting – can interrupt that cycle. The behavior comes first, and the feeling sometimes follows. Not always, and not immediately, but often enough that the exercise is worth doing.
Creating Positivity in a Seemingly Negative World
If you follow the news these days, or you’ve experienced a lot of hardships, the idea that the world can be a positive and happy place may sound foreign – so much so that you may find yourself saying, feeling, thinking, and acting negatively in ways that are harmful for your mental health.
Pretending to be positive – indeed, acting as you envision a positive person would act – may have the potential to teach you to think and see things more positively. This can be a great way to break the cycle of negativity, and eventually experience much needed positive emotions.
Building Social Confidence Through Practice
Social anxiety and social awkwardness often stem from a lack of experience and practice. If you’ve spent years avoiding social situations, you haven’t had the opportunity to develop the skills that make social interaction easier.
Intentionally practicing social behaviors – making eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable, initiating small talk even when you’re not sure what to say, acting confident even when you’re nervous – builds competence over time. What starts as performance can gradually become more natural as you accumulate evidence that you can handle social situations and as the skills themselves become more automatic.
Developing Self-Esteem Through Action
Low self-esteem often comes with a belief that you’re not capable, not likable, or not worthy. Waiting until you believe in yourself to take action means you never take action, which reinforces the belief that you’re not capable.
Acting as if you have higher self-esteem – speaking up even when you doubt yourself, setting boundaries even when you’re afraid of rejection, trying new things even when you’re not sure you’ll succeed – creates experiences that challenge the negative beliefs. Over time, those experiences can shift how you see yourself, not because you convinced yourself to think differently, but because you proved through action that the negative beliefs weren’t accurate.
The Difference Between Helpful “Faking It” and Harmful Masking
It’s important to distinguish between intentionally practicing behaviors as a mental health exercise and compulsively hiding your true self out of fear or shame. Helpful faking it is intentional, goal oriented, and self-compassionate – where you recognize that the behavior may not feel authentic yet, and that’s okay. You’re giving yourself permission to practice without judgment.
Masking, on the other hand, is:
Compulsive and Fear-Driven – You feel like you have no choice but to hide how you really feel because showing your true self would lead to rejection, judgment, or harm.
Chronic and Exhausting – You’re performing constantly, in every context, with no space to let the mask drop. The performance is draining you.
Disconnecting – The masking is creating distance between you and your true self, making it harder to know what you actually feel or want.
Shame-Based – The performance is rooted in the belief that who you really are is unacceptable or broken, and that you must hide to be worthy of connection.
The key difference is agency. Are you choosing to practice behaviors that serve your growth, or are you trapped in a performance you can’t escape? If you feel like you have to fake it and hide yourself, that’s masking. If you’re performing it as an exercise to change how you think or feel, then it may be worth attempting.
You Can Choose Who You Want to Become
The idea that you have to wait until you feel a certain way to act a certain way is limiting. It traps you in patterns that reinforce the very feelings you want to change.
Intentionally practicing positivity, confidence, or social engagement – even when it feels like “faking it” – can be a powerful tool for growth. It’s not about being dishonest or hiding who you are. It’s about recognizing that behavior can shape emotion, that practice builds skills, and that you have more control over who you become than you might think.
If you’re ready to explore how behavioral practice can support your mental health, or if you need help navigating the balance between growth and authenticity, reach out to Flourish Psychology. Call (917) 737-9475 to schedule a consultation.
You don’t have to wait to feel better to start acting like the person you want to be. Sometimes, acting like that person is what helps you become them.
Here at Flourish Psychology, we work with a lot of individuals that find themselves in a position to travel often. Whether it’s for work or for pleasure, many of our patients live lives where travel is either:
Necessary for their work.
A luxury that they want to enjoy.
Yet many people experience “aerophobia,” more commonly called a “fear of flying.” For some people it is minor, affecting their desire to fly but not preventing them from doing so. For others, it is severe, making it almost impossible – if not completely impossible – to go onto a plane.
Flying is the safest mode of travel we have. Yet, many people experience fear that affects not only whether or not they can fly, but their ability to control their stress before, during, and after. Even mild anxiety can have a significant impact, because if you feel fear getting onto a plane, chances are you are not feeling ready for your vacation when you get off.
The fear is real, and it often develops gradually – shaped by past experiences, physical responses, and the mind’s interpretation of unfamiliar situations.
Therapy is one of the most effective ways to address this fear. A therapist helps you understand how the fear took hold, why it continues, and what steps can slowly reduce its impact on daily life. Treatment is not about forcing you onto a plane, but rather it is about building the internal tools that make the experience less overwhelming and more predictable.
If you need help to address a fear of flying, please reach out to Flourish Psychology, today.
Why Fear of Flying Develops
A fear of flying affects people in many different ways. Some individuals feel mild discomfort during takeoff or turbulence. Others experience significant distress days or weeks before a flight is scheduled. For a smaller group, the fear becomes so strong that they avoid air travel entirely, even when opportunities, obligations, or personal goals require it.
There is no wrong time to seek help. But that help starts with an understanding of the situation.
A fear of flying does not have a single cause. It often starts with a combination of personal history, stress sensitivity, and the way the brain processes sensations that feel out of your control. Even when someone intellectually understands that aviation is extremely safe, their body continues to respond as if danger is imminent.
Several factors contribute to this pattern:
Learned associations from anxious caregivers during childhood.
Early flights that included unexpected turbulence or loud mechanical sounds.
Exposure to news stories or media that exaggerate the frequency of aviation accidents.
Physical discomfort from tight spaces, pressure changes, or restricted movement.
Difficulty managing anxiety when normal coping outlets – fresh air, walking away, or changing environments – are unavailable.
Past panic attacks or distressing moments in unfamiliar environments that create lasting emotional memory.
Extensive fear of death and the idea of a loss of control over that death.
These experiences gradually shape how the brain interprets flying, turning normal sensations into cues for fear or alarm.
How Therapy Helps You Understand the Fear
A therapist begins by helping you map out the specific parts of flying that trigger anxiety. For some people, the fear arises from loss of control. For others, it is related to turbulence, takeoff sensations, altitude, confined spaces, or even the anticipation leading up to the trip. For many, it is a combination of several factors.
Therapists break down the experience into manageable components, making it easier to understand which elements are creating the strongest emotional response.
This process typically includes:
Exploring the history of the fear and identifying patterns.
Understanding how the nervous system responds during flights.
Differentiating between realistic concerns and anxiety-driven predictions.
Clarifying which sensations are misinterpreted as threats.
Gaining clarity is often the first step toward reducing the intensity of the fear, so that you know what to target and what to work with your therapist to address.
Psychoeducation: Learning How Planes and Flights Actually Work
Once you understand how it develops, you can then work on knowledge. We call this “Psychoeducation.” It is *extremely* effective as a part of the treatment process for plane related anxiety.
To do this, we talk about how a plane works, and then talk about your feelings as you think about these things. This may include discussions about:
How aircraft are engineered to withstand turbulence, lightning, and extreme conditions.
Why mechanical sounds change throughout the flight and what each sound typically represents.
How pilots train for unexpected scenarios and why common concerns (such as single-engine capability) are manageable.
Why turbulence feels alarming but is not structurally dangerous to the aircraft.
The technology on board to prevent crashes and danger.
When the unknown becomes familiar, the nervous system has fewer opportunities to react as if a threat is present.
Developing Practical Coping Strategies for the Flight Environment
A key part of therapy involves creating realistic strategies for managing anxiety in environments where escape is limited. Because you cannot step out of the situation once the plane is in the air, the goal is to build a toolkit of skills that you can rely on throughout each stage of the process.
These strategies may include:
Controlled breathing and grounding exercises designed for enclosed spaces.
Techniques to redirect attention using sensory cues, sound, or structured tasks.
Planning predictable activities for each phase of the flight, such as listening to familiar audio during takeoff or using visual focus points during turbulence.
Identifying early signs of rising anxiety and practicing interventions to prevent escalation.
Therapists also help you prepare for the broader process – packing, traveling to the airport, and waiting at the gate – because anticipatory anxiety often begins well before boarding.
Gradual Exposure and Rebuilding Tolerance
Fear of flying functions much like a phobia. Avoidance strengthens it, and slow, supported exposure helps weaken it. Therapists design exposure plans that match your comfort level and focus on manageable steps rather than forcing sudden change.
Exposure may involve:
Imagining the physical sensations of the flight until the associated anxiety decreases.
Watching aviation videos or listening to recordings of common flight sounds.
Practicing small exposures near airports or inside grounded aircraft when possible.
Taking short flights once earlier steps feel tolerable.
The goal is not to eliminate fear immediately. It is to give your nervous system repeated experiences that contradict the belief that flying is dangerous. Over time, your mind begins to react more accurately, with reduced alarm.
Addressing General Anxiety That Influences Flight-Related Fear
Many individuals with a fear of flying also experience broader patterns of anxiety, even if mild. Worries about health, control, or unfamiliar environments may appear in other areas of life and become amplified during flights. Part of therapy involves strengthening overall stress-management skills so that anxiety remains more stable regardless of the situation.
Improvements in baseline anxiety – better sleep, regulated breathing, healthier stress responses – often lead to significant improvements in flight tolerance.
Why Working With a Therapist Matters
A therapist provides structure, accountability, and evidence-based tools. They help you understand the fear from multiple angles – physiological, cognitive, and emotional – so that you are not battling it alone or relying on willpower during the flight.
A therapist also helps you:
Break down fears that feel vague or overwhelming.
Practice coping skills in a controlled, supportive environment.
Reinterpret sensations that previously triggered panic.
Build confidence through repetition and realistic preparation.
Develop a plan tailored to your needs, your history, and your anxiety patterns.
Most importantly, therapy offers a space where you can talk openly about fears that may feel embarrassing or irrational. The process creates a foundation for long-term improvement rather than short-term reassurance.
Taking the First Step Toward More Comfortable Travel
A fear of flying does not have to prevent you from traveling, visiting family, or experiencing new places. With structured therapeutic support, gradual exposure, and tools designed to regulate your nervous system, the experience of flying can shift from overwhelming to manageable.
Progress takes time, but it is achievable. Working with a therapist gives you a clear path toward reducing distress, rebuilding confidence, and preparing for flights in a way that feels grounded rather than reactive. If you are ready to begin addressing your fear, reaching out for support is a meaningful first step. Contact Flourish Psychology today to get started.
Preventive care is a central part of maintaining physical health. We take steps to stay ahead of illness by getting vaccines, eating vegetables, exercising, and building habits that reduce long-term risk. We see a doctor regularly to check how our body is doing. We are careful about responding to our bodies when we experience pain or discomfort.
We understand that waiting for a crisis is not the ideal way to stay healthy.
The same principle applies to mental health.
Therapy is often viewed as something people seek only when they are experiencing a diagnosable condition or overwhelming emotional distress. But mental health is shaped long before symptoms appear. All of us experience stress, cognitive biases, relational challenges, and periods of uncertainty. Therapy provides a structured space to understand these experiences before they escalate, supporting long-term wellness rather than responding only after something has gone wrong.
Benefits of Therapy for Everyone
Therapy should be considered a form of routine care – an opportunity for reflection, growth, and ongoing maintenance. It supports emotional well-being in the same way that physical check-ups support overall health. Below are several reasons why therapy can benefit anyone, regardless of whether they are currently struggling with a specific concern.
Therapy Offers Unbiased Insight on Your Life – A therapist helps you understand yourself more clearly. With training in human behavior and thought processes, therapists provide feedback that helps you examine patterns, assumptions, and internal narratives from a new and more informed perspective.
Therapists Serve as Objective Third Parties – A therapist cares about your well-being, but is not tied to your life the way family or friends are. This allows for honest, neutral guidance that is not influenced by personal involvement, expectations, or history.
Therapy Provides Dedicated Space for Self-Reflection – Daily responsibilities often make it difficult to set aside time for yourself. A therapy session is a structured environment where the focus is entirely on your experiences, needs, and goals. This type of consistent, uninterrupted attention is a meaningful form of self-care.
Therapy Helps You Learn and Strengthen Coping Strategies – Therapists work with you to understand how you respond to stress and what tools may help regulate your emotions more effectively. Whether it is breathing techniques, journaling practices, mindfulness exercises, or other evidence-based strategies, therapy provides a way to learn these skills and apply them with support and accountability.
Therapy Supports Personal Growth – Even when life is going well, there are areas where you may want to expand, strengthen, or change. Therapy offers a place to explore ideas, clarify goals, and challenge yourself in a productive way. It gives you a consistent source of feedback as you navigate transitions or pursue long-term development.
Therapy should not be limited to moments of crisis. It is a resource for anyone who wants to maintain balance, improve understanding of themselves, or develop healthier patterns over time. Just as routine check-ups support physical health, speaking with a therapist provides ongoing support for emotional and psychological well-being.
If you’re ready to make your mental health a priority, reach out to begin the process.
Therapy is a science. So is the process that creates mental health challenges. We often think about anxiety and depression as just a way that we feel, or even a part of our personality, but they’re actually changes in chemical balances and brain activities that are altered by some of the things going on in our lives.
These conditions alter our reality. They make us feel like what we’re thinking and feeling “is how it is,” and that it’s an accurate representation of the world and our place in it. Yet, what people are really experiencing is the way that chemicals in the body affect the way we think and feel.
That is why it is important to really understand both what is happening to create anxiety and depression, and also what therapy can do about it. While each person’s experience is different, these conditions tend to emerge through identifiable biological and psychological mechanisms that follow a predictable chain of events.
The Initial Stress Response
First, a note: Keep in mind that some conditions can occur without a clear cause, and some may be based on genetics more so than the process we will describe here. Still, it’s important to understand that even in cases where anxiety/depression are caused by genetics, it is still treatable with therapy.
Most cases of anxiety and depression begin with what we’ll call “sustained stress activation.” When a person encounters something that feels threatening – such as a demanding job, loss, or relationship conflict – the brain’s amygdala sends an alert to the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus then triggers the pituitary gland to release signals that activate the adrenal glands, producing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
This is known as the “fight-or-flight” mode. Heart rate increases, attention narrows, and the body prepares for action as if you’re experiencing an actual, physical conflict rather than an emotional one.
In healthy situations, this system turns off when the stress passes. But when the stressor is ongoing – financial pressure, emotional trauma, or prolonged uncertainty – the body continues to release cortisol long after it’s needed.
This prolonged exposure begins to interfere with normal brain chemistry. Cortisol suppresses serotonin and dopamine production and damages neurons in the hippocampus, which regulates emotional memory. The longer the stress continues, the more the brain’s emotional regulation centers struggle to return to balance.
From Temporary Stress to Persistent Anxiety
When the body’s alarm system remains switched on, the amygdala becomes hypersensitive, meaning it begins to trigger the stress response even when no immediate threat exists. Everyday situations – emails, minor disagreements, or unfamiliar settings – start to feel tense or unsafe.
Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, which normally evaluates whether a threat is real, begins to lose efficiency. Its ability to override emotional impulses diminishes, allowing worry and tension to dominate thought.
As a result, anxiety develops as a learned biological habit: the brain associates ordinary experiences with danger, producing automatic fear or worry even when the logical mind knows there is no reason for alarm.
How Prolonged Stress Leads to Depression
If chronic stress continues without relief, the brain shifts from hyperarousal (anxiety) to fatigue and shutdown (depression). For some people, it may even skip the hyperarousal part altogether. After months or years of cortisol overproduction, the body begins to conserve energy. The stress system becomes blunted, reducing the release of both cortisol and the neurotransmitters responsible for motivation and pleasure – especially dopamine and norepinephrine.
This creates the physical foundation for depression. Activities that once brought enjoyment no longer produce reward responses in the brain. The dopaminergic pathways that signal satisfaction and purpose grow less active, while the default mode network – the part of the brain involved in self-referential thought – becomes more dominant. This shift increases rumination, self-doubt, and hopelessness.
At the same time, serotonin levels may fall, further reducing mood stability and increasing irritability. Sleep becomes disrupted as the body’s natural rhythm between alertness and rest loses coordination. Over time, this pattern reinforces itself: fatigue leads to reduced activity, which lowers dopamine and serotonin even further, deepening the depressive cycle.
The Role of Inflammation and Physical Health
Chronic stress also triggers inflammatory pathways. When cortisol remains high for long periods, immune cells release cytokines – chemical messengers that promote inflammation throughout the body. These cytokines can cross into the brain, altering neurotransmitter activity and reducing neuroplasticity.
Inflammation disrupts the function of serotonin-producing neurons and decreases the growth of new neural connections in the hippocampus. This helps explain why people experiencing ongoing physical illness, poor sleep, or poor nutrition often see increases in anxiety or depressive symptoms.
The body’s immune and stress systems are directly influencing brain chemistry, and vice versa.
When Brain Circuits Begin to Reinforce Each Other
As these chemical and structural changes take hold, the brain’s circuits begin to reinforce maladaptive patterns. The amygdala remains overactive, the hippocampus loses regulatory control, and the prefrontal cortex has less capacity to intervene. Thoughts become repetitive and self-critical because the neural networks that process threat and negativity are firing more frequently and with less inhibition.
This is why anxiety and depression can feel self-perpetuating. The brain’s chemistry, structure, and thought patterns are all reinforcing the same message – that something is wrong and cannot be changed.
You’ll hear someone tell you that mental health is self-sustaining, and this is why. When left untreated, it becomes a cycle that affects both a person’s thoughts and behaviors in ways that increase anxiety and negativity.
How the Process Can Be Reversed
Fortunately, the same neurobiological systems that create anxiety and depression can also recover. When stress levels decrease, when therapy helps regulate thought patterns, or when medication helps restore neurotransmitter balance, neuroplasticity allows the brain to form new pathways.
Therapy (such as CBT, ACT, or mindfulness-based approaches) strengthens the prefrontal cortex’s ability to regulate emotion and reduces the amygdala’s hyperactivity.
Exercise and improved sleep increase serotonin and dopamine production and lower inflammation.
Antidepressant medication, when used appropriately, can normalize neurotransmitter activity and help the brain respond more effectively to positive experiences.
These interventions do not simply mask symptoms – they directly influence the underlying biological processes that created the problem.
Anxiety and Depression Are Biological Learning
In essence, anxiety and depression represent the brain’s attempt to adapt to prolonged stress. The brain learns to remain alert, cautious, or disengaged as a survival mechanism. What begins as a protective response becomes maladaptive when it no longer matches current circumstances.
By recognizing this, we can change our perspective of what it is and how it’s treated. These are not failures of character or perspective, but the result of identifiable neurochemical and structural patterns that can change with proper support.
The same biology that allowed anxiety and depression to form is the same biology that allows recovery. Through consistent care, therapy, and behavioral change, the brain can restore balance and rebuild resilience – proving that even the most deeply learned stress responses can be unlearned.
It is objectively accurate to say that we live in a political climate with a lot of anxiety. This is not politics as usual, and – regardless of one’s political side – it is becoming increasingly challenging to stay connected to what is going on in the world and still feel like your mental health is in a good place.
It is also becoming more and more common for people to seek therapists because of this political anxiety. Though they may or may not recognize that their anxiety is directly related to politics, often in conversation it becomes clear that there politics is directly affecting their mental health.
If you are also struggling, maybe it’s time for you to think about whether or not it might help to work with a therapist to process politics, your role in it, and what you can do to still lead your best possible life without compromising your passions or values.
Therapy for Politics
You don’t have to disengage. You don’t have to pretend that the world is fine when it isn’t. You also don’t have to – as many people recommend – act as though the people with different politics from you are all fighting for the same thing. Political anxiety exists because we are not all working towards the same goals as a country, or as a world.
You are allowed to feel.
In therapy, the goal is to create a space where you can safely explore these reactions without judgment. A therapist can help you identify the emotions that come up when you read the news, engage in discussions, or think about societal change, and then work with you on how to respond in a way that protects your mental health.
What Political Anxiety Can Look Like
Political anxiety does not always appear as anger or fear. It can present itself through physical tension, insomnia, fatigue, or emotional burnout. Many people find that they are:
Constantly checking or avoiding the news
Feeling hopeless or cynical about change
Experiencing conflict in relationships because of political differences
Struggling to focus on personal goals or responsibilities
Feeling disconnected or powerless in their community
These feelings are not signs of weakness or disengagement — they are natural responses to a prolonged sense of uncertainty and – perhaps even more importantly – overstimulation.
How Therapy Helps You Regain Balance
Working with a therapist provides structure and tools to manage emotional reactions to political events. Rather than suppressing how you feel, therapy helps you understand those feelings and decide how to respond to them more effectively. Together, you and your therapist might:
Establish boundaries around media exposure and social interactions.
Address issues like digital overload.
Determine how to avoid social media algorithm-related distress.
Identify triggers that heighten your stress or anger.
Practice emotional regulation and grounding techniques.
Develop strategies for staying informed without becoming consumed.
Explore your values and identify meaningful, realistic ways to take action.
Through this process, therapy allows you to engage with the world intentionally, not reactively – maintaining your commitment to your beliefs while preserving your emotional stability.
Reclaiming a Sense of Control and Wellbeing
Political awareness does not have to mean living in a constant state of anxiety. With the right therapeutic support, you can reconnect with a sense of agency, compassion, and perspective. Therapy can help you shift from feeling powerless in the face of conflict to feeling grounded, thoughtful, and capable of contributing to change in a sustainable way.
If the weight of the current political climate feels too heavy, reaching out to a therapist may be one of the most meaningful ways to take care of yourself – not by tuning out the world, but by learning how to navigate it with strength and balance. Reach out to Flourish Psychology today to learn more.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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