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Getting Started – How to Find a NYC Therapist You Connect With

Getting Started – How to Find a NYC Therapist You Connect With

by | Oct 19, 2022 | Therapy

Your mental health is important. Psychotherapy, when provided by experienced therapists, is one of the best available techniques for improving your mental health. Using evidence-based practices that have been extensively researched by universities all over the world, therapy is the most effective tool we have for addressing a person’s psychological challenges.

But while studies have shown that therapy modalities – like CBT – offer outstanding results, similar studies have also shown that a significant part of the success of therapy comes from finding a therapist in NYC that you are comfortable with – one that you trust to address your needs, and that feels like they connect with you on a deeper level.

Finding *Your* Therapist 

Before we talk about how to find a therapist that fits your needs, let’s first examine the most common reasons that someone quits therapy. These are:

  • They do not get along with their therapist.
  • They do not trust their therapist.
  • They are unwilling to open up to the therapist.
  • They do not feel they are improving enough.
  • They disagree with the therapist about the problem and how to address it.

In addition, what we’ve noticed is that many people that felt they didn’t “get anything from therapy” contacted only one therapist, didn’t feel like it helped, and then gave up on the field altogether.

Your relationship with your therapist is just that: a relationship. If you don’t feel that “spark” with your therapist, then not only will it be harder to receive the help you need – you’ll also find that the therapy will be less likely to work. Therapy’s success relies on finding a therapist that is right for you.

What You SHOULD Do to Find A Therapist 

The first thing to note is that you’re never stuck with a therapist. You can try one out for a few sessions, see if there is a connection, and find a new one. While no one likes change – especially not when it comes to mental health – you get to choose when to commit, and only when you’ve found someone that you truly feel is right for you should you commit to the process.

You should also consider asking them important questions that affect how comfortable you’ll be with their services:

  • What approaches to therapy do you use?
  • Are you comfortable working with someone of my background?
  • What process will you use to help me reach my goals?
  • How long do you expect therapy to last?
  • What are your typical clients like?

While this list of questions can serve as a guide, you should also ask any questions that concern you, or curiosities you have. Therapy is more effective the more you feel comfortable with the person providing the therapy, and – if you have an intake appointment, like we offer here at Flourish Psychology in Brooklyn – you should ask any questions that you need to feel comfortable.

Therapy Will Challenge You – Find Your Therapist First

Once you’ve found a therapist you feel connected to, that’s when you will want to commit to giving the process a chance. Therapy will occasionally challenge you. It is effective, but it requires vulnerability, honestly, and openness. There might be situations where your therapist says something to you that you do not want to hear, and the last thing you want to do is try to find a new therapist that tells you only what you want them to say.

That’s why the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a NYC therapist that you connect with first, so that when you are ready to commit to them, you know that you’ve chosen them for a reason. You’ll know that they have your interests in mind, and that they are giving you an evidence based treatment that they believe will help you the most.

If you’d like to learn more about our therapists, contact Flourish Psychology today for your intake appointment, and let’s see if we’re a good fit for you. 

Living with Only Physical Anxiety Symptoms – Anxiety Without the Worries

Living with Only Physical Anxiety Symptoms – Anxiety Without the Worries

by | Oct 12, 2022 | Anxiety/Depression

When we talk about anxiety, we often talk about mental symptoms. We talk about unexplained fears. We talk about irrational worries. We talk about feelings of dread and “worst-case scenario thinking.” Many people that struggle with anxiety have these issues.

Still, anxiety doesn’t always manifest itself the same way for everyone. While many people that have anxiety know that it causes physical symptoms (such as shaking, sweating, and rapid heartbeat), most people assume that these physical symptoms are the result of worries, fears, etc. 

Yet it is possible for some people to develop the physical symptoms of anxiety without realizing that they have these stresses and worries. Essentially, it’s possible to have the physical symptoms of anxiety without a person feeling worried or fearful at all. 

Please note: Flourish Psychology is based in Brooklyn but licensed to provide mental health services in over 30 states. Please see our locations list and contact us if you’d like support. 

Physical-Only Anxiety – How Anxiety Affects the Body

Irrational worries, fear, and stress can trigger the activation of the fight or flight system. That activation can lead to symptoms that include:

  • Rapid Heartbeat
  • Trembling
  • Fast Breathing
  • Muscle Tension
  • Sweat
  • Difficulty Concentrating

If faced with real danger, these symptoms would keep us safe from harm. With a faster heartbeat, we’d be able to run quickly without getting as tired. By sweating, our bodies would not overheat. Trembling is caused by the adrenaline we need to react quickly, and so on. 

We know that many different issues can lead to anxiety. For some people, it’s trauma. For others, it is lifestyle choices. For some, it is life experiences, and for others it is genetics. We also know that, because anxiety can have so many causes, it can also present itself in different ways.

That is why some people seem to have the physical symptoms of anxiety, without necessarily the thoughts that we often associate with it. They may not feel fearful. They may not feel worried. They may not even notice they’re feeling very stressed at all. But their legs start to shake, their heartbeat starts to race, they may sweat a bit more – they experience the physical symptoms, even the absence of any thoughts to trigger them.

Many people with this form of anxiety do not realize they have anxiety at all. When someone that presents with this type of anxiety also has panic attacks, it’s not uncommon for them to feel like the panic attacks come “out of nowhere,” because they do not feel any intense worries or fears at the time the panic attack is triggered. They may even develop health anxieties as a result. 

Even though this type of anxiety may present differently, it is still anxiety. Because it is still anxiety, it also tends to respond well to treatments.

How We Approach “Physical Only” Anxiety

We often find that people with this form of anxiety do have stresses and worries that they’re struggling with, but they’re just not at the forefront of their minds at the time. We try to figure out what types of stresses the person may be under to determine if they are suppressing their feelings.

We also look for thoughts that may be triggering anxiety but do not feel like anxious thoughts at the time. For example, a person with “physical only anxiety” may worry about the symptoms themselves, creating a cycle where their concern over experiencing these symptoms ends up triggering their anxiety. Because their worries end up coming to fruition, they may not realize that it was triggered by that worry.

We also look for relaxation techniques and stress management strategies, to help people that may feel this type of tension learn to breathe slower and relax. These are some of the many ways that a person struggling with the physical symptoms of anxiety can find value in getting treatment from a trained therapist.

Getting Help for Physical Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety responds well to treatment, and those struggling with physical anxiety with no clear negative or anxious thoughts should still seek help. Psychologists that understand anxiety, like those at Flourish Psychology, can provide the support and help that patients need in order to learn to manage these physical symptoms and find relief in their day-to-day lives using services like CBT. Learn more by contacting Flourish Psychology in NYC, today. 

3 Questions to Grow Your Relationship

3 Questions to Grow Your Relationship

by | Oct 5, 2022 | Relationships

Relationships are a critical source of happiness for so many of us. They’re our main source of love and support – with individuals that are there with us for most of our memories. The more we keep working on our relationships, the stronger they’ll be, and the more contentment and joy we’ll be able to bring into our lives. 

No matter how long you and your partner have been together, there is always more to learn. But when you’ve been together for a long time, sometimes it’s difficult to ask questions that help you explore each other further. Here are some questions that you may want to keep in mind to ask your partner when the moment is right.  

Questions to Ask Your Partner

  • How would you like to receive love right now?

You may be familiar with the 5 love languages, but if not, most people tend to give or experience love through five different actions: Gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. When we feel love for our partner, we tend to show that love through our *own* love language. For example, if you are a physically affectionate person (physical touch) and you feel a lot of love for your partner, you may go up to them and give them a hug and a kiss.

But if your partner tends to prefer a different love language, such as acts of service, they may want you to cook them a meal or help them clean the kitchen. So, during moments where you want to show your partner love, a great question is to ask them “how would you like to receive love at this moment?” Not only will your partner appreciate that message, but you may learn more about the best way that you can show them love – in way they want to receive it. 

  • If I asked you to plan an entire day for us together and I couldn’t say no to anything, what would you want to do? Walk me through the day.

While it’s true that this question is likely to lead to a lot of frisky and possibly humorous answers, it also has the potential to be very revealing. Often, there is information hidden in your partner’s answer that can help you understand more about who they are and how you can work on your relationship.

For example, your partner may suggest things like watching a movie together, or visiting a winery. These may indicate activities that they have wanted to share with you that you may not typically be interested in. They may also tell you something like “sit quietly together and watch the sunset,” which may indicate they’re looking for more romantic moments, or they may say “have you take the kids out while I sleep” which may indicate they are stressed or could use some alone time. 

Even if their entire answer is filled with references to more physical intimacy, or jokes like “dress as clowns and hand out lemons,” it may still indicate something they feel is missing (for example, they’re feeling like they need more physical affection, or they want to have more goofy fun with you). 

Give a little bit of grace, as not everyone will have a thoughtful answer, but know that even within the jokes there is often something you can learn.

  • Is there anything you’ve been holding on to that I can apologize for?

One of the challenges that many relationships face is the buildup of resentment. No matter how well we communicate with our partner, it’s not uncommon to find that we do not feel safe to share our frustrations, concerns, or triggers, because we do not want these conversations to end up as fights.

Sometimes, especially when you’re feeling ready to listen, it helps to give your partner a prompt that allows them to share those feelings now – before they start to fester and grow into a more significant problem in the future.

Help Moving Forward with Couples Counseling in NYC

Each of these questions can provide you with an opportunity to grow as a couple. But even the most “successful” couples find that they could still use additional support. Couples counseling is a great way to get that help, providing a judgment-free space for you and your partner to talk openly, be vulnerable, and learn how to grow in your relationship. Contact us today to learn more.

Couples Counseling in Brooklyn for Post Pandemic Marital Stress

Couples Counseling in Brooklyn for Post Pandemic Marital Stress

by | Sep 28, 2022 | Relationships

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us found ourselves at home more than ever before. With remote work, school cancellations, and limited safe activities available outside of the home, many couples spent more time together than they had at any point in their relationship – a situation that often led to conflict.

As restrictions across NYC ease and people begin to adjust back to a more socially active way of life, it is not uncommon for couples to still be affected by the challenges and frustrations they struggled with during the last two years. For those that are still trying to heal from these struggles, it may help to consider a local couples counselor to help heal the relationship and guide you and your partner to a better future. 

Overcoming 2+ Years of COVID Stress

One of the challenges of living through the shared trauma caused by the pandemic is that the feelings and experiences we had over the past two years does not suddenly go away, even if life starts to go back to normal. If you found yourself hurt back in 2020, that hurt can still be with you now. If you found yourself overwhelmed, frustrated, or upset, those same emotions can still stay with you. 

As couples counselors in Brooklyn Heights, our team here at Flourish Psychology recognizes that, no matter how strong a couple you have been in the past, the pandemic thrust many of us into a situation that was completely unfamiliar. One where couples were:

  • Navigating full time parenthood while children tried remote learning.
  • Struggling with finances because of COVID-19 layoffs.
  • Adjusting to remote work and trying to operate professionally in a shared family space.
  • Faced with limited to no social interaction or support outside of the immediate family.

No matter how much we love our partner, and no matter how much we want to spend time with them, the pandemic was a traumatic event that threw couples far outside of their comfort zone and into a place with more stress, less personal space/time, and no way to take a break to process it all.

That is a situation that is challenging for any relationship.

If you walk around Brooklyn today, you’ll see that most of the borough is back to normal. But the fights, the resentments, and the struggles that you faced as a couple may not go away on their own. If you find that you’ve had trouble overcoming the past few years of marital stress brought on by COVID-19, couples counseling can help.

Why Consider Couples Counseling?

Healthy communication is a challenge for many couples, and that challenge was often worsened by the limited amount of personal space and alone time that we had during the pandemic. Many couples found themselves unable to have productive discussions about their concerns and needs. Over time, those arguments and repressed feelings start to bubble into long term resentment and frustration.

Couples counseling provides a safe, non-judgmental space for each partner to start talking openly about these struggles. Guided by experienced Brooklyn couples counselors – like those here at Flourish Psychology – each partner has an opportunity to feel heard and supported while your therapists provide guidance to help you both heal.

With couples counseling, each partner has something that they often didn’t have during the pandemic:

  • An advocate.
  • A mediator.
  • A listener.

Our role as Brooklyn couples counselors is to let both partners be heard and help improve communication both now and into the future so that any other challenges you face as a couple can be addressed early.

For those that feel they are still holding on to some of the emotions and resentments they felt during the pandemic, couples counseling creates a comfortable space for you to share those feelings and work through them; finally giving you an opportunity to heal and grow. Flourish Psychology also provides individual therapy for anyone that feels they have their own personal challenges to work through as well.

Taking the Step Towards Rebuilding Your Relationship – Flourish Psychology

Here in New York City, we have dealt with an unimaginable amount of trauma and loss as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. We still are. This experience has also strained many of our relationships, leading to difficulties that are often present still today.

If you and your partner still need help to heal from the past two years, or you’d simply like to work on growing your relationship and becoming stronger as a couple, contact Flourish Psychology today to schedule an appointment. We have both in person (Brooklyn Heights) and remote couples counseling available.

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