We hear many people say that “the mind and body are connected.” We often feel this in ways that are hard to describe but noticeable when we see it. There are some situations in which this link is incredibly apparent, such as the way that many of us feel “depressed” when we are sick with the flu, or the way we feel generally unwell when we feel sad or nervous.
But we’re still discovering ways that our bodies and minds are linked – often ways that we still do not fully understand, but can prove nonetheless. One such example is the way that over-developed and under-developed muscles, especially in the core and posterior chain, can lead to developing some fairly significant anxiety symptoms.
How Could Muscle Development Affect Anxiety?
We spend a lot of our time leaning forward. We slouch when we sit and watch TV. We slouch forward in the car. We slouch forward when working on our computers. Now, with smartphones, we even slouch forward when we walk and stand. We also do all of this while we exercise less and – even those that do go to the gym – tend to focus on the most visible muscles, such as the chest, the abs, and the biceps.
What’s happening to many of us is that some of our muscles are tightening and overdeveloping – often in the front of our bodies. On a physical level, this can cause all sorts of challenges, such as a hunchback and back pain as we age. If you feel like your lower back is often achy or your shoulders are frequently tense, that is an example of what these issues can cause.
Entire textbooks have been written about the ways that this affects our body – causing our muscles to not communicate properly, increasing stress on the nerves, and so on. But our focus here is on how these underdeveloped muscles can cause anxiety, and one of the many ways they do this is by causing dysfunctional breathing.
When your front muscles are tight and your back and core muscles – especially those on the back side of your body, like the glutes – are underdeveloped, it leads to poor posture and shorter, shallow, and less consistent breaths. These breathing pattern problems lead to a host of different issues, most notably, hyperventilation:
We breathe in too much oxygen.
We breathe carbon dioxide out too quickly before we have a chance to make more.
We *feel* like we are not getting enough oxygen, leading to attempts to draw in more.
We start to experience lightheadedness, rapid heartbeat, and other symptoms as our bodies need a certain carbon dioxide/oxygen balance to work efficiently.
If you’ve ever had a panic attack before, some of these symptoms will sound familiar. That is because hyperventilation is a key part of a large number of panic attack symptoms. Without the right oxygen balance, our bodies also become stressed.
What happens next?
When our bodies our stressed, we start to experience more anxiety and stress as well. Sometimes, this can lead to full-blown panic attacks. But even in those that are not prone to panic attacks, it can make us feel more stressed and anxious generally – even though we may not entirely understand why. When we’re faced with other types of stress and anxiety, they may also feel more severe, as our bodies are already starting from a more anxious baseline.
All of this because of posture and muscle strength.
Does This Mean a Gym Will Cure Anxiety?
We now know that our posture and our muscles are linked to issues like breathing and anxiety. But does this mean that all we need to do to reduce it is to go to the gym and work on our squats? Will strong glutes cure anxiety?
Typically, no. Once we have developed anxiety, poor breathing habits, and other mental health challenges, we often need professional support in order to learn to manage them effectively. Similarly, while we know that poor posture and poor muscle development can lead to anxiety and stress, we also know that anxiety and stress can lead to poor posture.
People with depression, for example, are far more likely to slouch their shoulders and hunch their back. This postural change ends up causing tighter muscles in the front of the body and weaker, stretched muscles in the back, leading to poor breathing habits. But in this situation, the depression came first. Exercising our muscles could theoretically help relieving some of the symptoms, but the depression would still be present.
Still, it’s important to recognize that our lives benefit from holistic healthier living. When we take care of our minds and our bodies, we are more likely to see an improvement in our quality of life.
As specialists in eating disorders, our team here at Flourish Psychology often work with individuals that do not necessarily fit the mold of what an eating disorder looks like. Most of us are at least moderately familiar with conditions like anorexia and bulimia, which tend to be not only more widely reported, but also more likely to have symptoms that are associated with disordered eating, such as starvation, binging, and purging.
But not all forms of disordered eating fit into these labels. Some people – even more so now with the rise in social media influencers – have eating disorders that manifest in different ways, and one of those ways, which is frequently hard to spot, is in those that would otherwise be considered healthy eaters.
Healthy Eating that Goes Too Far
Not enough of us eat as healthy as we should. Most of us do not eat enough greens. Most of us have too much fat or processed foods. Many of us do not get enough protein, or have enough vitamins and minerals in our diet. It would absolutely be better for most of us if we were more conscientious eaters and aware of what we put into our bodies.
But, like most things, healthy eating can go too far. We should eat healthier. But healthy eating shouldn’t be an all consuming trait – or one where we feel intense distress when the foods that we deem healthy (that may or may not be healthy) are not available. We also benefit as human beings from a slightly more varied diet, from carbohydrates, and from types of food that aren’t always available in a “clean” way.
This type of healthy eating disorder has even been given a term, called “Orthorexia.” People with orthorexia often display patterns with food that mirror those with anorexia, but instead of caloric restriction, the focus is on healthy eating. Examples include:
An unhealthy obsession with food and what you eat.
Intense distress when you are expected to (or forced to) eat food that you do not feel is healthy.
Compulsive checking of the nutritional labels of different foods.
Strong interest in social media and blogs as it relates to healthy eating.
Some people with this type of condition do eat what most doctors would agree is a healthy diet. But the level of intense distress they experience as a result of their connection to food dramatically impacts their quality of life for the worse. In addition, while some people with “orthorexia” are still generally healthy, others may not be. That is because this same obsession with healthy eating can lead to:
Cutting out otherwise important food groups, like carbohydrates, because you deem them to be unhealthy, in ways that may hurt your body in the long term.
Accidental caloric restriction – for example, eating salads without enough fats or proteins and not receiving enough calories from other food groups.
Openness to propaganda and misinformation as it relates to food and health. For example, seeing an influencer claim that something is unhealthy because it is unnatural, even against the findings of science.
Somep people with this type of eating disorder do eat healthy enough, but not everyone will and even those that do eat healthy are often suffering from psychological and social consequences as a result of this healthy food obsession.
How is “Orthorexia” Treated?
Even something as generally good as healthy eating can go too far, and unfortunately many of those that struggle with this condition do not seek help, because it is very difficult to identify it as a problem. In addition, these behaviors appear to be more common now than they were in the past, and so there have not been many studies that address this as a specific condition.
Still, this type of disordered eating does respond very well to existing treatments, and therapy that provides support for conditions like anorexia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and more do seem effective at helping people with this type of challenge.
If you or someone you love may have “Orthorexia,” or have an unhealthy relationship with food in any capacity even if it does not fit what we traditionally consider an eating disorder, we encourage you to contact Flourish Psychology in NYC, today.
There are many different couples therapy techniques that we use here at Flourish Psychology. One approach, called the “Gottman Method,” is a popular and well researched couples counseling system that is designed around improving communication, building trust, and identifying ways to change together.
There are many components to the Gottman Method, but today, let’s talk about something called the “Harsh Start Up.” It is a conversational technique that some couples implement that the Gottman Method identifies as essentially “guaranteed to end in negativity.”
Harsh Start Ups and Negative Conversation Outcomes
Harsh startups occur when, within only a few moments of conversation, a partner uses harsh criticism, sarcasm, contempt, or other negative conversational tactics. Some examples of this include:
Always/Never Complaints – “You never ask me how my day is.”
Sarcasm – “Oh yeah, I’m **sure** you were going to get to it.”
Passive Aggressive Complaining – “This house is always a mess when I’m not here.”
Blame – “You are the reason his homework is never completed.”
One Sided – “You are why I am like this.”
Timing also plays a role in a harsh start up. For example, if a person comes home from work happy to see their partner, and the partner responds with saying “as usual, you forgot to take the trash out” in a way that sounds like they have contempt, the conversation immediately goes somewhere negative.
Gottman found that harsh start ups create almost immediate problems:
They lead to defensiveness, shutting down, and frustration.
They escalate, often leading to further fighting and arguments.
They are very unlikely to lead to change or a solution.
Harsh start ups are not always due to some partner’s flaws, or a sign of some ill purpose. Sometimes, harsh start ups are a response to frustration, or because someone feels unheard. Nevertheless, research shows that starting a conversation in this way is essentially doomed to failure, and new ways of conversing are necessary in order to have more productive conversations.
What Are Gentle Start Ups?
Gentle startups are an approach that is far more likely to lead to a successful conversation. Gentle startups tend to utilize “I” statements, avoid contempt, sarcasm, or blame, and are brought on at times that make sense for a conversation. Examples of gentle startups include:
“I’ve been feeling really lonely recently and I would like us to have a date night.”
“I like cooking for the family, but I would really like it if you were able to take on a few nights of cooking, as I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.”
“I saw we were late on the rent this month. Is everything okay?”
“Do you think we could schedule time next weekend to clean the house? I’m feeling like the clutter is starting to get to me.”
Gentle startups are less aggressive and reduce defensiveness. They allow for a more natural conversational flow. That is not to say that every gentle startup will be a successful conversation, but learning to speak to each other in this way can reduce arguments and help promote better and more productive talks in order to work out the problems the couples face.
See a Gottman Therapist Today – Flourish Psychology
Flourish Psychology offers several couples counseling techniques, including Gottman therapy. If you feel like your relationship could improve, give us a call and let’s start a conversation about the best way to help you both thrive as a couple.
Eating disorders are unfortunately common. Caused by a number of factors – including a society that puts pressure on weight loss, trauma, and even genetics – it is common to develop an unhealthy relationship with both food and body weight.
However, one component of this relationship that is often misunderstood is the idea that it is based on some type of real, tangible problem. Sometimes, eating disorders occur because the person’s reality is different from the reality of others, in a way that makes it more complex to treat and to understand. That is especially true of anorexia.
How We View Our Bodies
Anorexia is often viewed solely as an “intense desire to be thin.” In some ways, that is true. Those that struggle with anorexia do have a desire to be thin, and a perception that being thin is an admirable goal. This extreme caloric restriction is one of the ways that they feel they can achieve that.
But what can be challenging for family members to understand is how a person can continue to try to aggressively lose weight after they are already thin. That is because, although they are watching their loved one get thinner and thinner to the point of visible malnutrition, the person with anorexia doesn’t see the same body they do.
When a person with anorexia looks in the mirror, the body they see staring back at them is larger than the one that we see with our eyes. Their body has a different reality than it does to us. That is why it is so challenging for those with anorexia to stop, or to believe that they have lost enough weight and can move towards management. No matter how thin they are, the scale and the mirror tells them that they’re bigger, and that causes extreme distress that leads to more caloric restriction.
Why Anorexia Therapists Are Necessary
Because those with anorexia and their families are living in different realities, it is often very difficult for the families to try to convince their loved one that their low body weight is a problem. They typically cannot see it, and do not know that their reality is distorted or different from yours.
Therapy for anorexia requires a multifaceted approach, combining psychotherapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy with treatments, including those that involve the family or address related issues like anxiety and depression. Sometimes, different approaches may be needed depending on the “reality” of the person with anorexia, how it developed, how long they’ve struggled with, and more.
But anorexia can be treated. There are ways to help people see their body in a healthier way, and identify better coping habits and eating habits to improve their mental and physical health. For anorexia therapy in Brooklyn and NYC, call Flourish Psychology.
Flourish Psychology is a private practice in Brooklyn that offers couples therapy services, available for couples in any stage in their relationship. Part of identifying the best way to heal and grow your relationship is to determine what approach is most likely to provide you with the greatest benefit.
We believe that every couple is unique, and – rather than adhere to one strict and rigid approach – we try to find out what solution makes the most sense for you both in your marriage or partnership.
The Gottman Method
One of the techniques that we may deploy is known as the Gottman Method. It is a popular, extensively researched couples therapy approach that integrates many different techniques to rebuild a relationship.
There are many tenants the Gottman Method, but the simplest way to understand this approach is that it identifies signs of a struggling relationship through specific behaviors (criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt) that are often identified within therapy, and then tries to address those through a series of techniques designed around rebuilding love, affection, trust, and communication – known as the “Sound Relationship House Theory.”
The Gottman Method is also a conflict resolution technique, and designed to help reduce issues with perpetual conflict.
What Are Some Gottman Method Therapy Techniques?
Like most forms of both therapy and couples counseling, the Gottman Method is not one single technique but a series of different strategies that the couple will do together. The Gottman Method is also actionable – meaning, there are specific tasks that the couples are expected to complete. Some forms of couples counseling are more about thoughts, feelings, and understandings, but the Gottman Method has specific tasks for each couple.
Examples of these techniques include:
Creating Love Maps – Love Maps involve creating connections and mental space in your mind for all the details of your partner, like who they are, their life history, their experiences, their traumas, their goals, and even specific things like their opinions and quirks. The goal is to know your partner intimately enough that they are almost like a part of you.
Learning to “Turn Towards” – Within relationships, partners often seek out love and affection from their partner. It’s not uncommon in struggling relationships for the other partner to ignore this need or not realize what is being asked of them. This technique helps the couple respond in a healthier way when their partner needs them.
Share Fondness and Admiration – One unhealthy habit that couples can fall into is forgetting to emphasize and share their positive views of their partner, especially if the relationship has created more toxic communication habits. This technique makes it easier to share positive traits within a setting where the counselor can guide healthy interactions.
The Gottman Method is extensive, and there are far more techniques that may be used, such as conflict resolution strategies, self-soothing, creating shared meaning, and more. What is ultimately used depends on where you are as a couple and what we see is the best way to help you achieve a long lasting relationship.
Gottman Therapists in NYC with Flourish Psychology
The Gottman Method is an outstanding approach to couples therapy, and we have helped many couples find greater strength in their relationship through this methodology. But it is also only one approach of many, and sometimes, it helps to know you as a couple to determine what therapy is best. Please schedule a time to speak about your relationship, and let’s help determine what will be the best way to provide you with a stronger, longer lasting partnership.
Location: 300 Cadman Plaza West Floor 12 - Brooklyn, NY 11201
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